The Philanthropist Premiere

by admin June 25, 2009
Summer Pilot Season: The Philanthropist Now we're at the Ministry of Health, still in Nigeria, where Teddy is trying to explain to some bureaucrat that he's just here to help, but it's awfully hard with all these rebels hanging around, like, what? I haven't seen any rebels so far, and I certainly haven't seen anyone getting in Teddy's way, but whatever. The bureaucrat is unmoved, and indignant about the rebel remark, explaining that the rebels exist because of corporate intrusion anyway, and that he's not impressed by Teddy's money. I think that's oversimplifying the situation, but Teddy is being an ass and needs to be put in his place, so I'll allow it. Meeting adjourned.

As they walk out, Teddy's secretary is psyched, asking if they can go home now. Of course they can't. Teddy's bestie the British Ambassador has hooked them up with a doctor who can help them get their packages where they need to go, now that the Ministry of Health has kicked them to the curb. So off they go to a bustling marketplace, where they meet a Nigerian woman at a café, who explains that she went to Harvard Med, while Teddy is a complete jerk to the waiter, asking if he can get a mixer for his cocktail, "something from civilization." He actually said that. Teddy makes me flip my weave, y'all. The doctor does her best to ignore his asshattery and tells them the government is withholding a box of Cholera vaccines her clinic needs, and holding out for a bribe they're calling an import tax. Teddy quite flippantly remarks that bribes are his specialty and that he'll take care of it, and she flips out, calling him a condescending rich a-hole who is only helping her so he can go back to his rich friends to tell them how much better he is than the poor Nigerian people. Which, she's not wrong, but Jesus, lady, he was going to help you get vaccines to dying people, who cares why he's doing it? Pick your battles.

Anyway, she strops off, and Teddy chases after her, all offended. He explains to her that he's going to help her, and through a slip-up of town names, learns that the hotel boy's town was destroyed and that there weren't many survivors. He is very upset to hear that, obviously, but they agree to work together to save the people who are actually still alive in the town next to hotel boy's. As they walk away, Teddy's secretary yes-mans a "She's wrong about you, Teddy," and he shoots back a very self-aware, "No, she's not." Well, at least he knows.

So the three of them head off to the airport with Omar, where Teddy quickly bribes an employee and they get their hands on the vaccines, but whoops! A group of scary military types bust up the happy vaccine party, and they arrest Omar! And everybody else, but oh no, Omar! It doesn't really matter, though, because they uncharacteristically kindly give Teddy a phone call, and he just gets Jesse L. to have the White House get him released. I have no idea if that's realistic or not. On the one hand, we've all been trained to believe rich people can do whatever and go wherever the hell they want with few consequences, but on the other hand, Jesse L. Martin just called the damn White House to get his friend out of Nigerian jail for bribery and it took like two seconds. Somebody ask a billionaire if that's possible for me. [I'll ask Richard Branson the next time we go parasailing together. -- Angel]

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