MONDO EXTRAS

The Philanthropist Premiere

by Mindy Monez June 25, 2009
Summer Pilot Season: The Philanthropist Back at Teddy's hotel, the Nigerian doctor woman is ready to give up, but Teddy assures her he will get the vaccines tomorrow, and they diverge.

Teddy then explains that when one needs illegal drugs like Cholera vaccines, one should contact a drug dealer. Makes sense. So off he goes to some Nigerian drug dealer's mansion, and they strike a quid pro quo deal: the drug dealer will get Teddy's vaccines for him, in exchange for a favor of his choosing in the future. Then a bunch of hookers show up, and Teddy mysogenies the night away, as is his wont.

Another Bing scene, in which Teddy's secretary looks up what Cholera is on Bing, and Omar acts like he doesn't know what Cholera is, or that search engines can do things like search for things. It's fucking stupid. Commercials.

It's the next morning, and vaccines in hand, Teddy is trying to figure out how to get them to Harvard lady's clinic in Kujama. Apparently, one cannot just rent a car and drive them there, because of the invisible rebels. They hate Avis. It's part of their invisible mission statement.

Omar rushes in to tell Teddy that the locals just told him they want them out of the country ASAP, and if they don't move the vaccines today they're going to confiscate them. They said that? To Omar? They all got together and said that? If they want them out immediately, why are they giving them a whole day? And why couldn't we see that cool scene? See what I mean? They're burying the lede a lot on this show. Teddy is optimistic, though, and asks the concierge of all people if he could parachute into Kujama, and the concierge is like, well you could, but you'd die because of the terrain or something, which doesn't make sense I don't think, but whatever. The point is they come to this: Omar and Secretary will go to Maidstone-Rist's factory just over the border and take one of their trucks to Kujama as plan B, as it will take over a day, and Teddy will figure something else out. Just then, the drug dealer calls Teddy to tell him he's sent a car for him.

At the drug dealer's other harem, he tells Teddy he can hook him up with a helicopter, a jeep and a bunch of other stuff he'll need to get to Kujama. I guess they split up the vaccines between Teddy and Omar? Teddy's not carrying anything right now, by the way, but let's just keep this moving. Teddy thanks the drug dealer and insists on paying him for his trouble. It will cost $250,000, which sure is a lot for a helicopter tour and a jeep. Nigerian drug dealers are worse than those Grand Canyon people, I swear.

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