Pamie: Chris Klein gets to introduce Weezer? Stee: Look at that. Pamie: Look at all that shit. What happened to our band? There are fog machines. Stee: The W is on fire. Pamie: Fog machines. This is like Spinal Tap. Stee: Def Leppard. Who came up with that? Pamie: I want smoke and henges, boys. Lots of smoke. God. Stee: Hee. Pamie: This is exactly why I didn't want the Green album to come out, Stee! I told you this was going to happen! Stee: Aw. Pamie: A month ago when you were like, "You're not a fan!" Stee: I'm happy for them! Pamie: Are you really? Stee: It's surreal, though. Pamie: Look at this! Stee: Look at Rivers. Pamie: He's scared and wants to go home. Stee: It's filmed very excitingly. Pamie: Dork. Stee: Matt Sharp is watching somewhere going, "Oh, no." Pamie: Do you think they're happy about this? Stee: Yes. Of course. Of course they are. They couldn't have had much money left.
Pamie: Why does O-Town get to sing "Happy Birthday" to MTV?
Stee: If Debbie Gibson gets to sing, then O-Town does.
Pamie: She had a lot to do with early MTV.
Stee: I had more to do with early MTV.
Pamie: "Shake Your Love" and "Foolish Beat"!
Stee: Don't tell me what to do.
Pamie: She was like the youngest...self-producing...teen sensation...
Stee: Are you done?
Pamie: More than O-Town has a right.
Stee: The image I have of your childhood makes me very sad.
Pamie: Shut up. I was part of the Electric Youth.
Stee: I can't talk to you anymore.
Pamie: Shut up! And give me more wine! And shut up!
Fallon introduces Julia Stiles and Johnny Knoxville. Julia has been doing some crunches. Johnny has been doing something else. A lot of it. Best Comedic Performance. We hope Martin Lawrence wins, because there is always the possibility of a breakdown when he's on stage. Ben Stiller wins. Man, MTV sucks them some Ben Stiller cock. So he starts talking, and then Will Ferrell comes out as a highly-priced "Award Speech Coach" and Ben does his straight-man thing while Ferrell yells at him and tries to get him to do a better speech. Ferrell talks about Tom Cruise; Tom Cruise points at Ben, and the show once again grinds to a halt. Will Ferrell pees on cue. His pants get wet. There you go. Tom Cruise laughs. Matthew McConaghowdoyouspellhisname is so high that this shit is very funny to him. ["Why was he even there?" -- Wing Chun] John Travolta laughs. Halle Berry makes them give her five hundred dollars to let them show her laugh. Will Ferrell falls. He's funny. But, yeah, let's move on. We hope he already has.
Chris Klein, the blondEvolution kid, and Drea De Matteo introduce Weezer, and the place goes nuts. They play "Hash Pipe." There is a massive "W" sign all shooting flames and there's smoke and fake rocks and Rivers Cuomo looks very, very scared.
Pamie: Chris Klein gets to introduce Weezer?
Stee: Look at that.
Pamie: Look at all that shit. What happened to our band? There are fog machines.
Stee: The W is on fire.
Pamie: Fog machines. This is like Spinal Tap.
Stee: Def Leppard. Who came up with that?
Pamie: I want smoke and henges, boys. Lots of smoke. God.