MONDO EXTRAS

Has it been a year already? We were just sitting here watching this pointless awards show that makes an awkward marriage of music MTV overplays and movies MTV doesn't really care about because it didn't produce them. Now here we are again, and the attention isn't on America or freedom or even self-indulgence in the face of fear. There's no real attention paid to anything. This award show isn't too offensive, too boring, too funny, or too silly. It's just this thing, sitting there, like a phone call you have to make, or a recap you have to write. So here goes.

Pamie: Welcome to The 2002 MTV Movie Awards!
Stee: If we're doing The 2003 MTV Movie Awards, you may shoot us both. ["Me too." -- Wing Chun]
Pamie: Find us and shoot us.
Stee: But, like, with rubber bands...because I really don't want to die.
Pamie: Fo sho'.
Stee: What was that?
Pamie: Just getting in the mood.
Stee: Word.
Pamie: With special guest, for a little while, ex-roommate Ray! Everybody missed Ray.
Stee: Holla.

The pre-show is hosted by Ja Rule, Kelly Osbourne, and John Norris, the world's biggest tool. Biggest news: Bow Wow has dropped the "Lil." We repeat: Bow Wow has dropped the "Lil." No comment yet from the Romeo camp, but we'll be sure to report as news comes in. The only thing drunker than Ben Affleck is Ben Affleck's date, who can't even remember Kelly Osbourne's first name to name-drop.

Pamie: Who's Bridget Moynahan?
Stee: The Sum Of All Fears, maybe.
Pamie: Does she have a dog with her?
Stee: No, that's Ben Affleck.
Pamie and Stee: Hee!
Stee: The comedy's starting already!
Pamie: Hey lady!

This year's theme is golden popcorn. It only took about ten years, but now they're finally cashing in on their own statue. The statue is the theme! Get it? Brilliant!

We open with a Spider-Man parody. It's the scene in the science museum or whatever, and Sarah Michelle Gellar is on her cell phone, asking who's co-hosting the awards show with her. She's bored with the idea that it could be Jimmy Fallon again. "I'm looking for man-tastic," they make her say. She calls Tobey Maguire, "That creep from Pleasantville." As he takes photographs of her breasts, she points out that a radioactive spider is headed its way for his shoulder. Tobey doesn't listen, of course, and Sarah bails right before the spider makes its move. The spider is, of course, Jack Black. "Soup's on, jackass!" he shouts.

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Has it been a year already? We were just sitting here watching this pointless awards show that makes an awkward marriage of music MTV overplays and movies MTV doesn't really care about because it didn't produce them. Now here we are again, and the attention isn't on America or freedom or even self-indulgence in the face of fear. There's no real attention paid to anything. This award show isn't too offensive, too boring, too funny, or too silly. It's just this thing, sitting there, like a phone call you have to make, or a recap you have to write. So here goes.

Pamie: Welcome to The 2002 MTV Movie Awards! Stee: If we're doing The 2003 MTV Movie Awards, you may shoot us both. ["Me too." -- Wing Chun] Pamie: Find us and shoot us. Stee: But, like, with rubber bands...because I really don't want to die. Pamie: Fo sho'. Stee: What was that? Pamie: Just getting in the mood. Stee: Word. Pamie: With special guest, for a little while, ex-roommate Ray! Everybody missed Ray. Stee: Holla.

The pre-show is hosted by Ja Rule, Kelly Osbourne, and John Norris, the world's biggest tool. Biggest news: Bow Wow has dropped the "Lil." We repeat: Bow Wow has dropped the "Lil." No comment yet from the Romeo camp, but we'll be sure to report as news comes in. The only thing drunker than Ben Affleck is Ben Affleck's date, who can't even remember Kelly Osbourne's first name to name-drop.

Pamie: Who's Bridget Moynahan? Stee: The Sum Of All Fears, maybe. Pamie: Does she have a dog with her? Stee: No, that's Ben Affleck. Pamie and Stee: Hee! Stee: The comedy's starting already! Pamie: Hey lady!

This year's theme is golden popcorn. It only took about ten years, but now they're finally cashing in on their own statue. The statue is the theme! Get it? Brilliant! We open with a Spider-Man parody. It's the scene in the science museum or whatever, and Sarah Michelle Gellar is on her cell phone, asking who's co-hosting the awards show with her. She's bored with the idea that it could be Jimmy Fallon again. "I'm looking for man-tastic," they make her say. She calls Tobey Maguire, "That creep from Pleasantville." As he takes photographs of her breasts, she points out that a radioactive spider is headed its way for his shoulder. Tobey doesn't listen, of course, and Sarah bails right before the spider makes its move. The spider is, of course, Jack Black. "Soup's on, jackass!" he shouts.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18Next