MONDO EXTRAS

The 2002 MTV Movie Awards
Ray: How rich do you have to be that they let you get away with rhyming "Me" with "Me"?
Stee: Poor Moby. I think he's probably really upset somewhere.
Ray: I got nothing to say about that performance. He's just good.

Can somebody shave Jack Black? Matt Damon and Franka Portentetetete. Matt Damon sure is pretty. They read off all of the award title, making an awkward analogy to a relationship. It blows, and we'll spare you. Boo! Take off your shirts! Best Fight: Ian McKellen vs. Christopher Lee, Lord of the Rings (By the way, we refuse to add that Fellowship of the Rings bullshit to the end of that title, because there's no need for that film to get even more precious with all the words and the Frodo and blah, blah, Hobbit, blah, blah, mud people, blah, blah, geeklore.); Chris Tucker & Jackie Chan vs. The Hong Kong Gang, Rush Hour 2; Angelina Jolie vs. The Robot, Tomb Raider; Jet Li vs. Himself, The One.

Ray: That Franka / Matt dialogue thing was terrible.
Pamie: It's amazing the kind of chemistry those two have.
Stee: Yeah. It's kind of like the chemistry of Nena singing "99 Luftballons" in English -- having no the fuck idea what she's saying.
Pamie: Or Penélope Cruz doing a monologue.

Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan win. Chris Tucker has to go up to accept the award, since Jackie Chan has real work to do. Chris takes this moment and says the following dumb-ass sentence: "I went to Ethiopia and Ghana with the Treasurer of the United States and Bono." We don't hear the next few sentences from our hysterics. Now, we shouldn't just openly judge, right? So we'll let Chris Tucker speak for himself, and you tell us if we shouldn't be laughing our asses off. "And I seen some things over there that changed my life. We seen, we went over there, for, for, for a particular reasons to see, what was going on. And I went over there to see what was going on directly with my own eyes. The epidemic that's going on over there and poverty. Of AIDS. And people who can't even get clean water. The senate is voting to give $500 million to Africa to help the situation on AIDS." The audience breaks into applause as if Chris Tucker just volunteered some of his own money to "help the situation on AIDS." He stands back and soaks up the praise, self-righteous in the knowledge that he done talked a good sentence, and he's ready to be all up in this AIDS shit because you know that shit ain't right. He tells us to call our senators to make sure the bill goes through. He holds his Best Fight bronzed popcorn high in the air and shouts, "I want to dedicate this to the women and the babies and the children I've seen over there in Africa. For their courage, their beauty and their strength. This award right here." People, you cannot make that kind of bullshit up. Unbelievable. The children of Ethiopia will be able to live another day due to the fact that they are now the owners in spirit of a 2002 MTV Movie Award for Best Fight. Fuck you, Jackie Chan.

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The 2002 MTV Movie Awards
Ray: That Franka / Matt dialogue thing was terrible. Pamie: It's amazing the kind of chemistry those two have. Stee: Yeah. It's kind of like the chemistry of Nena singing "99 Luftballons" in English -- having no the fuck idea what she's saying. Pamie: Or Penélope Cruz doing a monologue.
Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan win. Chris Tucker has to go up to accept the award, since Jackie Chan has real work to do. Chris takes this moment and says the following dumb-ass sentence: "I went to Ethiopia and Ghana with the Treasurer of the United States and Bono." We don't hear the next few sentences from our hysterics. Now, we shouldn't just openly judge, right? So we'll let Chris Tucker speak for himself, and you tell us if we shouldn't be laughing our asses off. "And I seen some things over there that changed my life. We seen, we went over there, for, for, for a particular reasons to see, what was going on. And I went over there to see what was going on directly with my own eyes. The epidemic that's going on over there and poverty. Of AIDS. And people who can't even get clean water. The senate is voting to give $500 million to Africa to help the situation on AIDS." The audience breaks into applause as if Chris Tucker just volunteered some of his own money to "help the situation on AIDS." He stands back and soaks up the praise, self-righteous in the knowledge that he done talked a good sentence, and he's ready to be all up in this AIDS shit because you know that shit ain't right. He tells us to call our senators to make sure the bill goes through. He holds his Best Fight bronzed popcorn high in the air and shouts, "I want to dedicate this to the women and the babies and the children I've seen over there in Africa. For their courage, their beauty and their strength. This award right here." People, you cannot make that kind of bullshit up. Unbelievable. The children of Ethiopia will be able to live another day due to the fact that they are now the owners in spirit of a 2002 MTV Movie Award for Best Fight. Fuck you, Jackie Chan.
Pamie and Stee and Ray: Oh my Lord. Hee. Hee. Pamie: Thank you, Chris. Thanks for this gift you've given us. "This situation on AIDS." Stee: Jennifer Garner is all trying not to laugh. Pamie: So this 2002 Best Fight Award actually went to the women and children of Ghana because of the situation on AIDS. Stee: And their "strempfth."

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