MONDO EXTRAS

The 2002 MTV Movie Awards

Denzel sweeps the awards. Poor Aaliyah. No tragic death can save how fucking crappy one movie can be. Denzel isn't even paying attention to what he's saying in his videotaped acceptance speech: "I appreciate the fact that you think that I'm, uh, bad at being good." He apologizes for not being able to be with us and says he hopes he'll see us next time. Then he's all, "Peace." Denzel's like our deadbeat daddy.

Will Smith and Johnny Knoxville. One in all white; one in all black. Both the same level of not quite funny. They try and do some banter about action film music. Johnny Knoxville tries to sing the first song from the show, showing how he's "hosting" material. People are just screaming in the audience. Why with the so much screaming? Why? ["Because Johnny Knoxville is totally hot WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" -- Wing Chun] Best Musical Sequence: Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge!; Chris Tucker, Rush Hour 2, Shannnyennshne sHosomsemonsn and Heath Ledger, A Knight's Tale, Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, Movie That's Already Nominated For This Award. Sadly, retardedly, no Hedwig.

Pamie: You know you're overacting when Will Smith gives you a dirty look.
Stee: No shit. Will Smith is all, "Man, Johnny Knoxville is too over the top. Can't wait to get to work with someone more subtle again. Like Martin Lawrence."
Ray: What other music movies are there, aside from Moulin Rouge!?
Pamie: Hopefully Hedwig.
Stee: There's no Hedwig on MTV.

Nicole and Ewan win. We have to listen to Ewan hit that one note again and again. He's wearing much more makeup than she is. He tells us that making this film was a dream come true for him. They keep thanking that Baz fellow. Nicole thanks people, "For, like, supporting the movie very early on." Oh, like, you're welcome. She says she's bummed they didn't win Best Kiss. She flirts and he doesn't. That Nicole, she sure does fall for the gay boys, doesn't she? Who said that? Huh? What's going on?

Stee: He's dressed like he's still doing Velvet Goldmine.
Ray: And her...who's that chick in The First Wives Club?
Pamie: She does look like Diane Keaton!
Stee: Is she a drag queen? I think he just thanked Buzz Lightyear. Oh, "Baz Luhrmann."
Pamie: She is trying so hard to pretend she's twenty-five.
Stee: "I'd also like to thank my poopy ex."

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The 2002 MTV Movie Awards Will Smith and Johnny Knoxville. One in all white; one in all black. Both the same level of not quite funny. They try and do some banter about action film music. Johnny Knoxville tries to sing the first song from the show, showing how he's "hosting" material. People are just screaming in the audience. Why with the so much screaming? Why? ["Because Johnny Knoxville is totally hot WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" -- Wing Chun] Best Musical Sequence: Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge!; Chris Tucker, Rush Hour 2, Shannnyennshne sHosomsemonsn and Heath Ledger, A Knight's Tale, Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, Movie That's Already Nominated For This Award. Sadly, retardedly, no Hedwig.
Pamie: You know you're overacting when Will Smith gives you a dirty look. Stee: No shit. Will Smith is all, "Man, Johnny Knoxville is too over the top. Can't wait to get to work with someone more subtle again. Like Martin Lawrence." Ray: What other music movies are there, aside from Moulin Rouge!? Pamie: Hopefully Hedwig. Stee: There's no Hedwig on MTV.
Nicole and Ewan win. We have to listen to Ewan hit that one note again and again. He's wearing much more makeup than she is. He tells us that making this film was a dream come true for him. They keep thanking that Baz fellow. Nicole thanks people, "For, like, supporting the movie very early on." Oh, like, you're welcome. She says she's bummed they didn't win Best Kiss. She flirts and he doesn't. That Nicole, she sure does fall for the gay boys, doesn't she? Who said that? Huh? What's going on?
Stee: He's dressed like he's still doing Velvet Goldmine. Ray: And her...who's that chick in The First Wives Club? Pamie: She does look like Diane Keaton! Stee: Is she a drag queen? I think he just thanked Buzz Lightyear. Oh, "Baz Luhrmann." Pamie: She is trying so hard to pretend she's twenty-five. Stee: "I'd also like to thank my poopy ex." Pamie: Men In Black II. Wing is so excited for this. ["I didn't see Big Trouble and I won't see that. I have my Jackass tapes. I'm all set." -- Wing Chun] Stee: Me too. But I am not excited about Will Smith's rap for Men In Black II. "Black! Men in black! Desperado. Tommy Lee Jones. Really old. But Rip Torn is older. Me, I'm bolder." Pamie: "Black. Really black. You know, Men in black."

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