The 2003 MTV Video Music Awards
Pamie: I figured it out. He looks like Nipsey Russell in The Wiz as the Tin Man.
Stee: Who does?
Pamie: The guy from Outkast.
Stee: Which one?
Pamie: The one in the pink suspenders.
Stee: Oh, I didn't see The Wiz.
Pamie: What? You never saw The Wiz?
Stee: No.
Pamie: We should turn this off and watch it right now.
Stee: Um, I'm a guy.
Pamie: You should still see The Wiz! It's important! It's why parking garages are scary.
Stee: AFI is the American Filmmakers Institute.
Pamie: Yes. And makers of horrible music.
Stee: At the same time. I feel sort of sorry for AFI. You know why?
Pamie: Why do you feel sorry for AFI?
Stee: Well, because they probably bought cars and a house and...they're just going to have to sell it all in a year.
Pamie: Hee.
Stee: Now, you're going to have to explain someday why I'm supposed to care about Mary J. Blige.
Pamie: And why is she on the MTV2 awards?
Stee: Who is she?
Pamie: She's like She doesn't want any drama. She knew Biggie.
Stee: Does she not like hateration?
Pamie: Not in this dancery.

The winner is A.F.I. So the guys come up on stage. Hee. The main dude looks so girly. They all have the girliest voices ever. Someone thanks Steve Martin. Really? First Girlie thanks their web fans. (And pages and pages of "A.F.I. Thanked Me Personally!!!" fanfic ensue.) Commercials. Well, the commercials that fall between the one big commercial that is the show, that is.

Pamie: I love how the MTV2 winners every year hate being there, because they know nobody will ever care about them again.
Stee: Oh. Are these the Queer Eye guys?
Pamie: It's Screech.
Stee: Why did he just thank Steve Martin?
Pamie: Maybe he works for The Firm.
Stee: "The Despair Faction"? And the "Fifth Column"?
Pamie: Are those bands?
Stee: I'm guessing those are their fans.
Pamie: Both of them? That's sad.
Stee: I'm starting to feel "disparrre."
Pamie: You made me snort.

Back and better than ever.

Pamie: They're back on. Oh, dear. The Olsen Twins. You over-TiVo'ed.

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The 2003 MTV Video Music Awards
Pamie: "Get retarded?" Whose song is this? And why are they walking out to it? Stee: David Spade couldn't think of any jokes. Pamie: Hy-sterical. I can't wait for the Avril Lavigne movie! Stee: I've never heard this song before. Pamie: Ugh. I hate this No Doubt song. I hope Justin wins. Stee: The one that says, "Thanks for cheating on me, Britney." Pamie: Justin's so sad!
"Cry Me a River" wins. Show Britney! Show Britney! Damn. She's long gone. Justin goes up with Timberlake. Justin says that he is "the Punk'd bitch." Missy laughs. Whoa! She's suddenly dressed in a green plaid golf suit. Justin takes his award.
Pamie: Yay! Justin won. Stee: So? Pamie: He's gonna talk now. Stee: You like Justin? Pamie: Of all those nominees? I'd rather he talked. Stee: Well, that's...yeah. Pamie: Remember when he was the ugly one? Stee: Was he? Pamie: Of *NSYNC, the ugliest boy band of all time. Stee: Who's the little fat one? Pamie: I'm not sure. Joey Fatone? Stee: Oh! Missy! Pamie: Oh, no! What's she doing in the tam o'shanter? Stee: Duran Duran loves Timbaland. Pamie: They haven't understood a word all night.
Rock introduces P. Diddy, who is wearing a shirt that says "Remember Barry White" on the front and, seriously now, "Gregory Hines" on the back. P. Diddy gives a "well-deserved shout-out" to Barry White and Gregory Hines. Kim Cattrall claps with a fake tear in her eye. Now P. Diddy is quoting Biggie as he likes to do. Then he talks about Jam Master Jay. P. Diddy is King of The Dead. Reverend Run and DMC come out. They get a standing ovation. All the people in back hold up Adidas sneakers. Hee. DMC turns around as Reverend preaches. DMC says that we all still have a lot of work to do. Then there is a huge silence and suddenly they go from being solemn to introducing Best Rap Video. Seamless.
Stee: Gregory Hines on the back! That's the best shirt ever. Will you buy me a shirt that says "Remember Barry White" and on the back it says "Gregory Hines"? Pamie: You just ruined your birthday present. Stee: And then will you write "Remember Betty White?" Pamie: And "Remember Duncan Hines." Stee: 50 Cent loves tap dancing. Pamie: Kim Cattrall fucked them both. Stee: P. Diddy's obsessed with dead people.

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