MONDO EXTRAS

The 2003 MTV Video Music Awards
Stee: Shout-out to Roswellllll!
Pamie: Talkin' bout the Twin Peaks CLASSICS!
Stee: Somethin' 'bout a Bachelor!
Pamie: Ya' heard? He used to be West Coast and now he's East Coast! We should give away the Tubeys. And it should be really sloppy and drunken. And me and Alex Richmond will wear tiny little outfits.
Stee: People who aren't even recapping are out there with us.
Pamie: AB can be our 50 Cent.
Stee: But less retarded.

Rock talks about how it's the anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I have a dream..." speech. "Isn't it nice to see that his dream finally came true," Rock says. Ha. Commercials.

Pamie: Pimp culture...just keeps getting more and more popular instead of fading from popularity.
Stee: Popularrre.
Pamie: That's not funny anymore.
Stee: Yes, it is.
Pamie: I know.

Rock asks people if they're having fun. They're not. He introduces the "Gay Beatles," the Queer Eye guys. Oh. There's also Jimmy Fallon. The joke is that people think he's on the Queer Eye show too. Jimmy Fallon says he's not. They say he is and that he's gay. Finally he threatens to beat them up. Wow. Komedy. Best Female Video. "Crazy In Love" (Beyoncé with Jay-Z). "Work It" (Missy). "I'm Glad" (J.Lo). "Dirrty" (Xtina with Redman). "I'm With You" (Avril Lavigne). The gay guys make a joke about Barbra Streisand winning. No. It's really Beyoncé. Mya pretends to be happy. The gay guys aggressively surround Beyoncé. Justin laughs. Justin is having way too much fun in this life. Something should go wrong for him. Beyoncé thanks Jay-Z. Enough with this whole "Are we dating?" thing. Tired of it. Who cares. Beyoncé leaves.

Stee: I thought the Beatles were gay. Wait, that's the Monkees.
Pamie: Remember when David Spade came out to present with Hanson four days ago?
Stee: Jimmy Fallon's so fuhnee.
Pamie: Oh, he's so fuh-nneee, that Jimmy Fallon.
Stee: Why are you so sad?
Pamie: That may be the only time I was not entertained by the Fab Five.
Stee: Oh. Did they just Jump the Shark for you?

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The 2003 MTV Video Music Awards Stee: I kind of want to punch Avril Lavigne. Is that wrong? Pamie: Not at all. Hey, Stee. Your girlfriend won. Stee: I love her! I don't even like her, I just love her in this video. And I love this song. Pamie: Oh, yeah? Stee: When she falls on her knees and starts gyrating to this song? I know it's terrible for music, but it's hot. Pamie: "I have to thank God, for letting me be thin." Stee: "I have to thank my dad, for making me sing every day since I was six." Pamie: "I'd like to thank pasta. I miss you. Carbs, call me!" Crank Yankers again. Some old guy puppet. Adam Carolla puppet calls Good Charlotte "girls." Special Ed says he's going to kill Eminem. Tracy Morgan puppet says he used to fuck Beyoncé. He goes on to list all the stuff he does to girls -- all those urban myth things like "Donkey Punch" and "Blumpie" and "Dirty Sanchez." Classy. A monkey starts beating up Special Ed. Commercials.
Pamie: Who's winning? I couldn't even tell on those tiny little squares. Stee: I think we're all losing. Pamie: Oh, God. Crank Yankers is like a celebration of un-funny. Stee: Un-Comedy Central. Pamie: Mary J. Blige is looking like the lion from The Wiz. Stee: Even Kelly Osbourne is wearing a shirt that says "Young, Ready and Willing." Pamie: I know. Even Kelly Osbourne is willing to suck cock at any moment. Stee: She'd just complain about it. "This cock is stupid, mum!"
Rock says something mean about Fred Durst before introducing him. He comes out and introduces Jack Black, whose birthday it is. He comes out to Michael Jackson's "Black or White" dressed like Michael. He holds an award and hugs Fred and then has to "Woohoo!" to get people to make the connection that he's making fun of when Michael thought he was winning the Artist of the Millennium award. It doesn't work. Jack Black thanks the crowd for the "Super Genius of the Universe Award." James Hetfield laughs. Jack Black thanks David Blaine and President Clinton. Nelly doesn't get it. Sean Paul doesn't get anything. The bit just dies a sad, quiet death as they get to the point where they're both trying to find an end, but they can't, so they just launch right into the nominees. The Olsen twins are still waiting for the end of the bit. Wait on, girls.
Pamie: "He flicked us off! What a jerk!"

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