Pamie: "He flicked us off! What a jerk!"
Stee: Fred Durst is so depressed. He lost a little weight.
Pamie: Who -- Jack Black, or Fred Durst?
Stee: Fred Durst. Jack Black didn't lose anything.
Pamie: Dignity? Oh, my God. I'd like to point out that Jack Black is doing a parody of something last year, when Michael Jackson won that cake from Britney.
Stee: I don't understand what you're saying.
Pamie: Exactly. And nobody in this room is old enough to remember last year when this happened.
Stee: Nobody has any idea what he's doing.
Pamie: Why do I? I don't know. It'll only be funny if he says "David Blaine, your magic is real and I believe in you."
Jack Black: David Blaine, your magic is real and I believe in you.
Stee: Well, you were wrong.
Pamie: I know. He said it verbatim and it wasn't funny.
Stee: "Yes, and" Fred. He's a sketch comedy master. I hope he's on Whose Line some day.
Pamie: It's funny when Fred Durst plays "Tribute" over and over again, too.
It's Best Rock Video. "St. Anger" (Metallica). "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" (Good Charlotte). "Bring Me To Life" (Evanescence). "Somewhere I Belong" (Linkin Park). "Seven Nation Army" (The White Stripes). Oh, it's so sad that Rock and Roll is, like, at the end of the show now and no one likes it anymore. Oh well.
Pamie: What is this category? Best crap?
Stee: Best bullshit.
Pamie: God! What has happened to rock music?
Stee: "WAKE ME UP INSIIIIDE!"
Pamie: No wonder we have to listen to so much rap music.
Stee: I know!
Pamie: Ugh! Every song gets worse!
Stee: Man, you know that Good Charlotte is shit if I actually like the sound of Linkin Park in comparison.
Pamie: I actually can't even look at the White Stripes video.
Stee: Brought to you by Advil.
Pamie: It's like I'm falling.
Stee: I get white stripes behind my eyes.
Pamie: My retinas pulsate.
Linkin Park wins. Point taken. The screamy Chester and crew hug Fred Durst. Someone is still wearing trucker hat. Is that a joke? The video director gets up there. They show Good Charlotte all bummed out. Hee. Trucker Hat Guy tries to shut up the director. Chester yells a really loud tribute to Metallica. Ow.
Pamie: DMX! "Ugh!" "Woo!" Stee: "Huh?" "What?!" Pamie: "WOO!" Stee: "WOO!" Pamie: Where is he, outside? Stee: I think he's in jail. Pamie: Oh. Mary J. Blige. Stee: I'm Mary J. Obliged to go to the bathroom right now. Pamie: "Woo! I'm wearing something ugly for shizzy." Stee: DMX's dog just started howling with her. Pamie: That's a bad wig she's wearing. Wow. Now...who is this and how come he gets to rip of an A Tribe Called Quest song? Stee: Method Man. Pamie: 50, we just saw your ass. Stee: There are only five people in this entire awards show. Pamie: I was just about to say that maybe Mary J. Blige was the only one who didn't take a huge step backward for feminism, but then she just sang the words: "I cook and clean. I make you happy." Stee: That was a fortune cookie I got once. She howled like 50 Cent just stepped on her foot. Pamie: Oh, man. This show is long. Stee: Her backup dancers are just TV screens. Pamie: Of herself. Stee: That's her? Pamie: In different outfits. Stee: Oh, man. Who is she? Where did she come from? Pamie: She was in the Sting and Puffy song from years ago. She was sad about Biggie. That's when I first started hearing about her. Stee: But she was a crackhead, or something like that? Pamie: I did not hear that.