MONDO EXTRAS

The 2003 MTV Video Music Awards
Stee: James Hetfield loves cripple jokes. That was going to be the name of St. Anger.

Now about how music was hard to sell this year. Rock says the 50 Cent album hype was only about "he got shot nine times!" Rock makes a porn star "face shot" joke. People boo. Really? Why is that controversial? The best is Russell Simmons explaining the joke to the Reverend Run from Run DMC. You actually see Russell lean over and then Run say, "Oh," and laugh. Ha. Now about rapping beefs and how no one beefs with Eminem (which is actually not true at all). He says that even a dissed white rapper will be on every station, not just Hot 97, like black rappers. Eminem does some Justin spin and claps the loudest. Eminem licks his lips more that LL. Someone get the boy some Blistex already. Then Rock makes a joke about how you can't sit R. Kelly near the Olsen twins. Pretty good.

Stee: Is that Liz Phair sitting next to the Olsen twins?
Pamie: I think that's their manager lady, who we saw with them at the pancake place.
Stee: The Olsen twins like pancakes.
Pamie: I wish they had parents.

Rock introduces the first presenters with the terribly tasteless "He's trying not to be the next Kobe, and she's trying not to be the next victim." Yikes. It's LeBron James and Ashanti.

Stee: What?
Pamie: Whoa!
Stee: Whoa.
Pamie: That's not even a joke.
Stee: It's not. What's she carrying?
Pamie: Obviously the VMA's been sponsored by some sort of plastic cup company.
Stee: Oh, I know that company.
Pamie: You're funny.

Ashanti and LeBron banter painfully. Ashanti brings him out some Sprite, because he just did a Sprite deal. And then he sips some Sprite. There is no joke. It's just advertising. Wow. Now LeBron keeps making jokes about hitting on Ashanti and she painfully asks the audience if she should do him and laughs really hard. The Queer Eye guys clap politely. It goes on and on and on and on. Terrible.

Pamie: Next year, can all the women just come naked? What's the point in these stapled swatches of fabric?
Stee: Did Kurt Loder write their dialogue? Seriously, someone wrote "Hey, maybe we can play one-on-one!"
Pamie: Meanwhile, I can't get a job. Man, this is awkward.

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The 2003 MTV Video Music Awards
Stee: Is that Liz Phair sitting next to the Olsen twins? Pamie: I think that's their manager lady, who we saw with them at the pancake place. Stee: The Olsen twins like pancakes. Pamie: I wish they had parents.
Rock introduces the first presenters with the terribly tasteless "He's trying not to be the next Kobe, and she's trying not to be the next victim." Yikes. It's LeBron James and Ashanti.
Stee: What? Pamie: Whoa! Stee: Whoa. Pamie: That's not even a joke. Stee: It's not. What's she carrying? Pamie: Obviously the VMA's been sponsored by some sort of plastic cup company. Stee: Oh, I know that company. Pamie: You're funny.
Ashanti and LeBron banter painfully. Ashanti brings him out some Sprite, because he just did a Sprite deal. And then he sips some Sprite. There is no joke. It's just advertising. Wow. Now LeBron keeps making jokes about hitting on Ashanti and she painfully asks the audience if she should do him and laughs really hard. The Queer Eye guys clap politely. It goes on and on and on and on. Terrible.
Pamie: Next year, can all the women just come naked? What's the point in these stapled swatches of fabric? Stee: Did Kurt Loder write their dialogue? Seriously, someone wrote "Hey, maybe we can play one-on-one!" Pamie: Meanwhile, I can't get a job. Man, this is awkward. Stee: "Okay, LeBron, this is what I see. You keep interrupting her, trying to get some! Do you like it?" Pamie: "I like Sprite."
They do Best Hip-Hop Song. "Beautiful" (Snoop and Pharrell). "Work It" (Missy). "Hot in Herre" (Nelly). "03 Bonnie and Clyde" (Jay-Z with Beyoncé).
Stee: Is this hip-hop? Pamie: Yeah. Stee: No, is Jay-Z and Beyoncé hip-hop? Pamie: Oh, well, I, uh, um, well, oh. Stee: Heh.
"I Know What You Want" (Busta with Mariah). Jay-Z would be a really high-scoring Scrabble word, if it were legal. On a triple? Shit. You're good to go.
Stee: I don't want to be mean, but I'm just going to say it: Jay-Z is really ugly. Pamie: Controversy! And now I'm free to say: Busta's music's gone to shit. Stee: He can't sing... Pamie: That new song with that "Mmm," sound. It's like "Put Your Ass On Fire." I think it might be a Neptunes song.

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