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The 2005-2006 Tubey Awards: Tubey Awards of Questionable Cachet

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The 2005-2006 Tubey Awards: Tubey Awards of Questionable Cachet

The Supernatural Young Lesbian of the Year Award
Presented to Jemima Rooper, who plays Thelma Bates on BBC America's H3X. She's cute! She's quirky! She's the cute, quirky backup support to the blonde heroine that no one cares about. Sound familiar? Sure. But this is a British show, y'all, so the chick-kissing is much hotter, the creepy evil magic is darker, and everything is far more confusing. Also, Thelma's a ghost, not a witch, so don't call her Willow. Nice to know a girl can still keep it smokin' in the afterlife. -- Al Lowe

Best Justification For Leatherface
If the show had survived long enough to feature a serial killer who sought out self-righteous busybodies, Paul Ryan of The Inside would have been hanging on a meat-hook. -- Strega

The Stop It, You're Scaring Us Award
Hey, we love Janice Dickinson. So when we heard that she was taking her skinny, canned-from-Top Model ass over to battle original Apprentice villainess Omarosa on VH1's The Surreal Life, we couldn't have been more pleased. Until, that is, we started watching. Bitch is crazy. Further cementing her reputation as being actually literally terrifying if you pay close enough attention was a cameo on Top Model's sixth season, in which Janice finished off a day of posing lessons by goading poor, dumb contestant Gina into ratting out her difficulties with fellow contestant Jade, and then yelled that rule number one about modeling was that you must never rat out your bitches. This lesson was concluded with a stern "ZIP IT, BITCH. ZIP IT. YOU'RE DEAD IN MY BOOK," and an off-camera whack with some wire hangers. Janice seems to have sobered up -- er, "worked out some of her rage issues" -- in time for her own reality show debut on Oxygen, but it still might take a while for our lingering night terrors to stop. -- Potes

The Watch Out, You Could Be Next Award
Nobody's denying that JJ Abrams is a wunderkind of sorts; his shows are consistently entertaining and he has a knack for casting that brings together supremely talented actors and really hot shirtless guys. He also seems like an all-around nice guy and we're always behind someone like that making a success of it in Hollywood. But he has an annoying tendency to get all fired up about a show for one season and then get distracted by other projects, leaving his old shows to molder in a pile of bad plots and straggling loose ends. Which does not bode well for the ridiculously awesome Lost. Fortunately, the structure of the show is such that it might be saved from the same fate as Alias and Felicity, where you can actually CLOCK the moment Jaybrams screeched off in search of shiny objects to feed his ADD. And it has the added bonus of having Damon Lindelhof largely at the helm, and he doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so that's a good thing. But when Jaybrams is involved, there's always a danger of a show heading south for the winter, so keep your head up, Lost. We'll be watching you. And that's a good thing. -- Erin

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Mondo Extra
The 2005-2006 Tubey Awards: Tubey Awards of Questionable Cachet

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
The 2005-2006 Tubey Awards: Tubey Awards of Questionable Cachet

The Supernatural Young Lesbian of the Year Award
Presented to Jemima Rooper, who plays Thelma Bates on BBC America's H3X. She's cute! She's quirky! She's the cute, quirky backup support to the blonde heroine that no one cares about. Sound familiar? Sure. But this is a British show, y'all, so the chick-kissing is much hotter, the creepy evil magic is darker, and everything is far more confusing. Also, Thelma's a ghost, not a witch, so don't call her Willow. Nice to know a girl can still keep it smokin' in the afterlife. -- Al Lowe

Best Justification For Leatherface
If the show had survived long enough to feature a serial killer who sought out self-righteous busybodies, Paul Ryan of The Inside would have been hanging on a meat-hook. -- Strega

The Stop It, You're Scaring Us Award
Hey, we love Janice Dickinson. So when we heard that she was taking her skinny, canned-from-Top Model ass over to battle original Apprentice villainess Omarosa on VH1's The Surreal Life, we couldn't have been more pleased. Until, that is, we started watching. Bitch is crazy. Further cementing her reputation as being actually literally terrifying if you pay close enough attention was a cameo on Top Model's sixth season, in which Janice finished off a day of posing lessons by goading poor, dumb contestant Gina into ratting out her difficulties with fellow contestant Jade, and then yelled that rule number one about modeling was that you must never rat out your bitches. This lesson was concluded with a stern "ZIP IT, BITCH. ZIP IT. YOU'RE DEAD IN MY BOOK," and an off-camera whack with some wire hangers. Janice seems to have sobered up -- er, "worked out some of her rage issues" -- in time for her own reality show debut on Oxygen, but it still might take a while for our lingering night terrors to stop. -- Potes

The Watch Out, You Could Be Next Award
Nobody's denying that JJ Abrams is a wunderkind of sorts; his shows are consistently entertaining and he has a knack for casting that brings together supremely talented actors and really hot shirtless guys. He also seems like an all-around nice guy and we're always behind someone like that making a success of it in Hollywood. But he has an annoying tendency to get all fired up about a show for one season and then get distracted by other projects, leaving his old shows to molder in a pile of bad plots and straggling loose ends. Which does not bode well for the ridiculously awesome Lost. Fortunately, the structure of the show is such that it might be saved from the same fate as Alias and Felicity, where you can actually CLOCK the moment Jaybrams screeched off in search of shiny objects to feed his ADD. And it has the added bonus of having Damon Lindelhof largely at the helm, and he doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so that's a good thing. But when Jaybrams is involved, there's always a danger of a show heading south for the winter, so keep your head up, Lost. We'll be watching you. And that's a good thing. -- Erin

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9Next

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