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The 2005-2006 Tubey Awards: Tubey Awards of Questionable Cachet

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The 2005-2006 Tubey Awards: Tubey Awards of Questionable Cachet

Best proof that wishes do come true
NBC did not continue airing the treacly gimme-fest Three Wishes, which starred Amy Grant and two mobile blocks of wood called "Carter Oosterhouse" and "Eric Strommer." -- sobell

The Tori Spelling Boomerang for Dubious Nepotism Distinction
Make your own "just desserts" pun -- Katie Lee Joel's plank-esque hosting of Top Chef made us miss Julie Chen. Producers agreed, and she packed her knives and went home to drive carpool for her crash-prone husband. -- Sars

Best Kitchen Tool
The short-order cook pencil tucked behind Harold's ear, which kicked Stephen's stuck-up sommeliering suit's ass. -- Keckler

Worst Kitchen Tool
Stephen Asprinio. -- Keckler

The "Repetition Don't Make It True" Award
When Top Chef's emotionally fragile Dave got tired of Tiffani's harsh brand of bossiness, he unleashed his best attempt at a catchphrase: "I'm not your bitch, bitch!" Everyone seemed to enjoy it. Thing was, after a season full of frayed nerves and ceaseless blubbering, it became clear that Dave was certainly somebody's bitch. Even if that "somebody" was his own hideously frosted hair. -- Joe R

The "You Are the Father" Award for Excellence in Daytime Branding
Maury has his paternity tests. Oprah has her men on the "down low." Tyra Banks has...fat suits? Breast examinations? Endless attempts to get Janice Dickinson to see a shrink already? Watching Tyra try to find her niche as a talk show host hasn't always been pretty (literally -- did you see when she "went undercover" as a stripper?). But it looks like she may have found her bread-and-butter in saving slutty women from themselves. Be they Girls Gone Wild, Bunny Ranchers, or the aforementioned strippers, Tyra brings her Junior Oprah "soft-spokenly judgmental" shtick to bear on all of them, wondering if they'd be happier cramming their tits into a Victoria's Secret bra and strapping on some angel wings like a good girl. -- Joe R

The "Don't Let the Door Hit You on Your Liposuctioned Ass" Award
We all enjoyed The Canning of Star Jones-Reynolds as it played itself out on The View. Why wouldn't we? Seeing one highly objectionable TV personality essentially fired on TV by a slightly less objectionable TV personality has been good enough for Donald Trump. Why wouldn't it work for Barbara Walters? But for our money, the highlight of Star's Road To The Pink Slip went down in March, when she called in to the show on her off day and wouldn't shut up about her newly-lifted breasts. We watched Joy Behar squirm and scrawl out exasperated notes until she finally told Star to shut her trap already. "Keep those tits perky!" was Behar's glorious send-off. And we all hope Star will. Away from our TV screens. -- Joe R

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Mondo Extra
The 2005-2006 Tubey Awards: Tubey Awards of Questionable Cachet

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
The 2005-2006 Tubey Awards: Tubey Awards of Questionable Cachet

Best proof that wishes do come true
NBC did not continue airing the treacly gimme-fest Three Wishes, which starred Amy Grant and two mobile blocks of wood called "Carter Oosterhouse" and "Eric Strommer." -- sobell

The Tori Spelling Boomerang for Dubious Nepotism Distinction
Make your own "just desserts" pun -- Katie Lee Joel's plank-esque hosting of Top Chef made us miss Julie Chen. Producers agreed, and she packed her knives and went home to drive carpool for her crash-prone husband. -- Sars

Best Kitchen Tool
The short-order cook pencil tucked behind Harold's ear, which kicked Stephen's stuck-up sommeliering suit's ass. -- Keckler

Worst Kitchen Tool
Stephen Asprinio. -- Keckler

The "Repetition Don't Make It True" Award
When Top Chef's emotionally fragile Dave got tired of Tiffani's harsh brand of bossiness, he unleashed his best attempt at a catchphrase: "I'm not your bitch, bitch!" Everyone seemed to enjoy it. Thing was, after a season full of frayed nerves and ceaseless blubbering, it became clear that Dave was certainly somebody's bitch. Even if that "somebody" was his own hideously frosted hair. -- Joe R

The "You Are the Father" Award for Excellence in Daytime Branding
Maury has his paternity tests. Oprah has her men on the "down low." Tyra Banks has...fat suits? Breast examinations? Endless attempts to get Janice Dickinson to see a shrink already? Watching Tyra try to find her niche as a talk show host hasn't always been pretty (literally -- did you see when she "went undercover" as a stripper?). But it looks like she may have found her bread-and-butter in saving slutty women from themselves. Be they Girls Gone Wild, Bunny Ranchers, or the aforementioned strippers, Tyra brings her Junior Oprah "soft-spokenly judgmental" shtick to bear on all of them, wondering if they'd be happier cramming their tits into a Victoria's Secret bra and strapping on some angel wings like a good girl. -- Joe R

The "Don't Let the Door Hit You on Your Liposuctioned Ass" Award
We all enjoyed The Canning of Star Jones-Reynolds as it played itself out on The View. Why wouldn't we? Seeing one highly objectionable TV personality essentially fired on TV by a slightly less objectionable TV personality has been good enough for Donald Trump. Why wouldn't it work for Barbara Walters? But for our money, the highlight of Star's Road To The Pink Slip went down in March, when she called in to the show on her off day and wouldn't shut up about her newly-lifted breasts. We watched Joy Behar squirm and scrawl out exasperated notes until she finally told Star to shut her trap already. "Keep those tits perky!" was Behar's glorious send-off. And we all hope Star will. Away from our TV screens. -- Joe R

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9Next

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