Subtitles on a black-and-white screen say "Kennedy-Nixon televised debate, 1960." Kennedy, in his famous dark suit, looking unwaveringly into the camera and says that the "60s are a time of great opportunity." He does not say "filibuster, filibuster, blah blah duh." Then this scene fades into the opening credits of Ozzie and Harriet. No irony there! Ozzy rules. Then, the strains of Frank Sinatra's lovely version of "High Hopes," and we get a fast-paced black-and-white happy montage of archived footage of inoculations, and Kennedy running his powerful campaign. Kennedy supporters/groupies/girlfriends, Jackie Kennedy and her husband with their kids, a protest against segregation, cops coming to arrest the protesters...hey, is that good? I thought this was a montage about hopes. The music doesn't say anything about cops. Hey, cops are carrying protesters away! Is this like the ant and the rubber tree plant Frank's singing about? Oh, I get it. Hey, there's the Yankees, and some footage of airplanes dropping bombs. Woo, Sputnik! Hey, atom testing! And finally, Marilyn Monroe removes her white mink wrap and flicks the mic, as she prepares to sing "Happy Birthday" to Mr. Kennedy. That dress was sewn onto her, don't you know. Fade to black. What a decade. What a montage! Where's my bong and Time-Life books?
Hey la, hey la -- "My Boyfriend's Back" is playing. Julia Stiles is bopping around her bathroom, all huge rollers, spitcurls, and hairpins. She's a hair-hopper, and doesn't care who knows! She chomps her gum, pretties herself up, and does the twist (ooh, how authentic!) as the credits roll. Hey la, hey la! Jerry O'Connell bangs on the bathroom door. He needs to get in there! Moooom! She's still in the baaaathroooom! Mom praises the other, middle brother, Michael, for getting such good marks on his report card. Michael is played by Anthony Perkins's son Oz -- he was good in Legally Blonde, too. ["Actually, it's not Li'l Perkins but Josh Hamilton, who's about to shock and sadden a nation with his hideous wigs." -- Sars] Dad walks in, all booming good cheer. Instead of looking at Michael's report card, he just guesses that it's all As, then sits down with Jerry O'Connell and reads from the newspaper that Notre Dame still needs a quarterback. Ah, the absentminded, well-meaning but overbearing father that screws up his kids forever with his bad parenting. That is so totally the '60s! And a classic that has never fully gone out of style. Jerry O'Connell stresses out and asks that he just be allowed to enjoy the dance tonight. He's worried enough about the game tomorrow. Oh, the pressure of being a high school football star in the '60s. Julia Stiles emerges from the bathroom in a red party dress and beehive, looking very va-va-va-voomy. She asks how she looks, and gets a bunch of dropped jaws in response. Now, does that mean good, in the '60s? Let me check my Time-Life volume on that issue.
Jerry O'Connell and his tiny date are king and queen of the dance. Hooray for them. He waves his scepter at people playfully, then hands off his crown and cape to a nearby minion so that he can dance close with his girl. The subtitle says "Chicago, Illinois, 1962." Chubby Checker's "The Twist" starts up, and Julia Stiles bops by herself (not like that, you perverts) at a table. A black couple gets up and does what Chubby dictates; other white couples shake their heads "no" and leave the dance floor. Julia, who has good taste and doesn't care about segregation, can't restrain herself anymore and leaps up and grabs the nearest (white) guy and asks him to dance. She can twist very well. But the guy walks off and leaves her to dance alone. She just twists herself over to a black couple and gracefully cuts in. We get shots of her brothers twisting along with bemused expressions. Then, an angry-faced nun thing waddles over to the record player and pulls the needle off, making that very annoying noise oft-used on bad TV shows like Ally McBeal. Julia twists on defiantly. The nun's face gets three shades angrier, and we cut back to home, where Julia gets grounded because "Sister Elizabeth" said she was "behaving in a lewd and inappropriate manner." Sister Elizabeth? Shut up. Julia Stiles was just dancing with a black guy. Like she does in almost all her movies? It's her stock in trade. Deal with it. My boyfriend actually thought La Stiles was in a movie called She Likes The Black Guys. He was thinking of Save The Last Dance. And we all know segregation is wack and ruins things. Should I make a list of ten things I hate about Sister Elizabeth? Well, you get me.