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The Elvis-athon: Kissin’ Cousins

Episode Report Card
Sars: D | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Playing Possum

Couch Baron: Seriously, though, at least agree with me that this is the best song in the movie. I know I'm on shaky ground with The Wig.

Sars: No, I agree.

Sars: But isn't it fucked up that Elvis actually had a twin, and when he makes a movie where he's playing his own twin, it's horrible, and the twin is a mush-mouthed, carrageenan-headed hot mess? Somewhere, Jesse Garon is like, "Bitch, please."

Couch Baron: Yeah, Freud would probably have something to say about that.

Sars: How do you say "this script bites" in German?

Couch Baron: Achtung, baby.

Sars: "Das Skript bitten!"

Couch Baron: The hound is editorializing by whining here.

Sars: The whole family's all "take us to Pappy!" and the dog's like, "Oh hell no." Hillbilly Lassie went to the Actors Studio, I see.

Couch Baron: I see the slutty daughter has been disciplined by her mother into wearing pseudo-hillbilly clothes again.

Sars: Meaning a dress even lower-cut than the bikini. And what is with every character flipping Blondvis onto the ground? Is it because they think The Wig is a doormat?

Couch Baron: Boy, Blond Elvis hits the ground more than a French prizefighter. Sorry, that's unoriginal, but I'm necessarily hammered now.

Sars: There seems to be some kind of reconnaissance mission happening here. During which hillbilly nymphos are kidnapping the Army guys?

Couch Baron: What's going on? Are they all going to be saved by the random chicks who swarm at weird intervals?

Sars: ...What the hell?

Couch Baron: I'm glad to see the "guvment" put a lot of effort into its military training programs back then.

Sars: Evidently "them durn Kittyhawks" are...pulling men into the bushes. Is this intended to be humorous? Because it is not.

Couch Baron: You know, Elvis is the most convincing hillbilly in this movie. What does THAT say?

Sars: Elvis is being mauled by Hillbilly Gym Teacher and the Nymphonaires.

Couch Baron: Hey, where's Teri Garr?

Sars: Oh yeah, I forgot she was in this.

Couch Baron: We forgot to try to spot her!

Sars: Maybe we'll see her during the...whatever they're doing with the...other guy from HQ. Or whatever. I don't know. Maybe she's at the bottom of this glass of wine. Let me just check. ...Let me...check again.

Couch Baron: I like her well enough, so I don't really want to see her on screen anyway.

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Mondo Extra
The Elvis-athon: Kissin’ Cousins

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Playing Possum

Couch Baron: Seriously, though, at least agree with me that this is the best song in the movie. I know I'm on shaky ground with The Wig.

Sars: No, I agree.

Sars: But isn't it fucked up that Elvis actually had a twin, and when he makes a movie where he's playing his own twin, it's horrible, and the twin is a mush-mouthed, carrageenan-headed hot mess? Somewhere, Jesse Garon is like, "Bitch, please."

Couch Baron: Yeah, Freud would probably have something to say about that.

Sars: How do you say "this script bites" in German?

Couch Baron: Achtung, baby.

Sars: "Das Skript bitten!"

Couch Baron: The hound is editorializing by whining here.

Sars: The whole family's all "take us to Pappy!" and the dog's like, "Oh hell no." Hillbilly Lassie went to the Actors Studio, I see.

Couch Baron: I see the slutty daughter has been disciplined by her mother into wearing pseudo-hillbilly clothes again.

Sars: Meaning a dress even lower-cut than the bikini. And what is with every character flipping Blondvis onto the ground? Is it because they think The Wig is a doormat?

Couch Baron: Boy, Blond Elvis hits the ground more than a French prizefighter. Sorry, that's unoriginal, but I'm necessarily hammered now.

Sars: There seems to be some kind of reconnaissance mission happening here. During which hillbilly nymphos are kidnapping the Army guys?

Couch Baron: What's going on? Are they all going to be saved by the random chicks who swarm at weird intervals?

Sars: ...What the hell?

Couch Baron: I'm glad to see the "guvment" put a lot of effort into its military training programs back then.

Sars: Evidently "them durn Kittyhawks" are...pulling men into the bushes. Is this intended to be humorous? Because it is not.

Couch Baron: You know, Elvis is the most convincing hillbilly in this movie. What does THAT say?

Sars: Elvis is being mauled by Hillbilly Gym Teacher and the Nymphonaires.

Couch Baron: Hey, where's Teri Garr?

Sars: Oh yeah, I forgot she was in this.

Couch Baron: We forgot to try to spot her!

Sars: Maybe we'll see her during the...whatever they're doing with the...other guy from HQ. Or whatever. I don't know. Maybe she's at the bottom of this glass of wine. Let me just check. ...Let me...check again.

Couch Baron: I like her well enough, so I don't really want to see her on screen anyway.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

Mondo Extra

Comments

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