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The Elvis-athon: Speedway

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Zippity Doo Blah

Sars: I don't believe that Elvis wore a toupee, but his hair is insane in this movie. It looks like he put on a beanie and then combed his pompadour over it. ...And now we're in a Monkees episode.

Miss Alli: Wow. There are like ten guys in that "rock band." And they all have the same green jacket. There are many horns on the soundtrack and none on the screen.

Sars: That's the Bar Mitzvah Bandaires, Miss Alli!

Miss Alli: They are ALL holding guitars. It's like an eight-guitar combo.

Sars: One guy in the band isn't doing anything! No tambourine, nothing. He's just dancing.

Miss Alli: He's the littlest Partridge.

Sars: Wow, that's a big Cuban heel on Big E. He wasn't even that short, WTF?

Miss Alli: It makes his leg look more shapely.

Sars: That would also explain the racing stripe on his jacket. ...Sample lyric of this dreadful tune: "All you gotta do is just / let yourself go." Fitting, that.

Miss Alli: These kids are really into the "stand with your feet planted and move everything else" style of dancing that, no lie, was once prohibited under the old Hayes Code of censorship. My favorite part of the Hayes Code.

Sars: I can see why. The number of rippling buttocks in that one shot was pretty impressive.

Miss Alli: Nancy Sinatra is over him. She's just not impressed. Her father would eat him alive.

Sars: And would get really really stoned as a result. ...Oh NO, not a cute kid. Excuse me: "cute" kid. That child must have been shitting herself.

Miss Alli: What is she doing at the diner where they're all having a dance? I'm so confused.

Sars: Why are they having a dance? He's a stock-car racer. ...Hee, it's called "The Hangout."

Miss Alli: I know! Very original. They put these kids in the movie so Elvis wouldn't be the biggest stiff.

Sars: It worked.

Miss Alli: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are like, "They're not even trying."

Sars: That Coke bottle is acting rings around all of them.

Miss Alli: I miss the days when you could have your children go out and steal food for a picnic in the back of your car. ...That's Nancy, all right.

Sars: Nancy needs to eat a sandwich. Hey, there's a horn in the band. Although I think he's just holding it.

Miss Alli: And he's playing the part of an entire dominant horn section. I don't know why I'm choosing this to be annoyed by, verité-wise. The whole band is kind of doing the Marcia Brady Shuffle.

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Mondo Extra
The Elvis-athon: Speedway

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Zippity Doo Blah

Sars: That's the Bar Mitzvah Bandaires, Miss Alli!

Miss Alli: They are ALL holding guitars. It's like an eight-guitar combo.

Sars: One guy in the band isn't doing anything! No tambourine, nothing. He's just dancing.

Miss Alli: He's the littlest Partridge.

Sars: Wow, that's a big Cuban heel on Big E. He wasn't even that short, WTF?

Miss Alli: It makes his leg look more shapely.

Sars: That would also explain the racing stripe on his jacket. ...Sample lyric of this dreadful tune: "All you gotta do is just / let yourself go." Fitting, that.

Miss Alli: These kids are really into the "stand with your feet planted and move everything else" style of dancing that, no lie, was once prohibited under the old Hayes Code of censorship. My favorite part of the Hayes Code.

Sars: I can see why. The number of rippling buttocks in that one shot was pretty impressive.

Miss Alli: Nancy Sinatra is over him. She's just not impressed. Her father would eat him alive.

Sars: And would get really really stoned as a result. ...Oh NO, not a cute kid. Excuse me: "cute" kid. That child must have been shitting herself.

Miss Alli: What is she doing at the diner where they're all having a dance? I'm so confused.

Sars: Why are they having a dance? He's a stock-car racer. ...Hee, it's called "The Hangout."

Miss Alli: I know! Very original. They put these kids in the movie so Elvis wouldn't be the biggest stiff.

Sars: It worked.

Miss Alli: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are like, "They're not even trying."

Sars: That Coke bottle is acting rings around all of them.

Miss Alli: I miss the days when you could have your children go out and steal food for a picnic in the back of your car. ...That's Nancy, all right.

Sars: Nancy needs to eat a sandwich. Hey, there's a horn in the band. Although I think he's just holding it.

Miss Alli: And he's playing the part of an entire dominant horn section. I don't know why I'm choosing this to be annoyed by, verité-wise. The whole band is kind of doing the Marcia Brady Shuffle.

Sars: This song is like an outtake of "These Boots Are Made For Walking," too.

Miss Alli: It's lucky she can sing! Because apparently, the band needed a lady singer.

Sars: The audience members in the foreground really REALLY want SAG cards. Take it easy, Clappy.

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