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The Elvis-athon: Speedway

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Zippity Doo Blah

Sars: You know what, movie, if I want to listen to "Car Talk," I'll listen to "Car Talk." On the plus side, I'm sensing a montage. Moppets helping, happy clarinet.

Miss Alli: For just a minute, the soundtrack was going in a West Side Story direction, and then it went back to, like, second-rate Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Sars: Was there ever a rumble in an Elvis movie? Not that I"m going to watch the others and find out.

Miss Alli: I think it would have just been dancing. Like West Side Story, if there hadn't also been stabbings in that.

Sars: I wouldn't mind seeing some stabbings in this one. So let me ask you: do you think he's going to win this climactic race and save the moppets?

Miss Alli: No. It will be like Empire Strikes Back, with a tragic cliffhanger setting up the sequel.

Sars: Will Elvis have a mechanical arm?

Miss Alli: Yes. And...wait. Are you allowed to just skip part of the race and drive on the grass?

Sars: Did they have to film the race in real-time?

Miss Alli: He's taking a nap while somebody drives "his" car around.

Sars: He's not the only one. Shitfire is this boring.

Miss Alli: There are about ten minutes of actual content in this movie.

Sars: I can't believe Elvis needed Schedule II narcotics to get to sleep when he could have just watched Speedway.

Miss Alli: Maybe he needed them to forget it.

Sars: ...Oh! That was a pretty sweet collision.

Miss Alli: Your standards have dropped.

Sars: ...Until the car started "rolling." This scene sponsored by: Matchbox. And Quaaludes.

Miss Alli: "Do not attempt. Professional drivers on closed diorama."

Sars: Wait, so he crashed, but won?

Miss Alli: Yeah, apparently. As I said, skidding all over the place doesn't count against you.

Sars: The musical numbers make more sense if you fanwank it that he has to race AND sing in order to pay off his tax bill. But isn't he pissed at Bill Bixby at all?

Miss Alli: Bill Bixby...is just a scamp? I guess?

Sars: Stomp jumping on the furniture, Tie Moppet! I guess nobody told the dancing extras that the cameras were rolling.

Miss Alli: What kind of a title is "There Ain't Nothing Like A Song." It's a song called "Songs Are Awesome." That is stupid.

Sars: There's "something like" THAT song. It's called "shit."

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Mondo Extra
The Elvis-athon: Speedway

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Zippity Doo Blah

Sars: Was there ever a rumble in an Elvis movie? Not that I"m going to watch the others and find out.

Miss Alli: I think it would have just been dancing. Like West Side Story, if there hadn't also been stabbings in that.

Sars: I wouldn't mind seeing some stabbings in this one. So let me ask you: do you think he's going to win this climactic race and save the moppets?

Miss Alli: No. It will be like Empire Strikes Back, with a tragic cliffhanger setting up the sequel.

Sars: Will Elvis have a mechanical arm?

Miss Alli: Yes. And...wait. Are you allowed to just skip part of the race and drive on the grass?

Sars: Did they have to film the race in real-time?

Miss Alli: He's taking a nap while somebody drives "his" car around.

Sars: He's not the only one. Shitfire is this boring.

Miss Alli: There are about ten minutes of actual content in this movie.

Sars: I can't believe Elvis needed Schedule II narcotics to get to sleep when he could have just watched Speedway.

Miss Alli: Maybe he needed them to forget it.

Sars: ...Oh! That was a pretty sweet collision.

Miss Alli: Your standards have dropped.

Sars: ...Until the car started "rolling." This scene sponsored by: Matchbox. And Quaaludes.

Miss Alli: "Do not attempt. Professional drivers on closed diorama."

Sars: Wait, so he crashed, but won?

Miss Alli: Yeah, apparently. As I said, skidding all over the place doesn't count against you.

Sars: The musical numbers make more sense if you fanwank it that he has to race AND sing in order to pay off his tax bill. But isn't he pissed at Bill Bixby at all?

Miss Alli: Bill Bixby...is just a scamp? I guess?

Sars: Stomp jumping on the furniture, Tie Moppet! I guess nobody told the dancing extras that the cameras were rolling.

Miss Alli: What kind of a title is "There Ain't Nothing Like A Song." It's a song called "Songs Are Awesome." That is stupid.

Sars: There's "something like" THAT song. It's called "shit."

Miss Alli: "Bunion surgery."

Sars: Well, happy 68th birthday, Alli.

Miss Alli: Thank you! I have aged so much.

Sars: The promo on TCM for Harum Scarum, "Elvis tours the Middle East," aged me even further.

Miss Alli: Wow. That will put the Asian guy to shame.

Sars: Well, that was sad. That was a sad, terrible movie and I feel sorry for Elvis. And for myself.

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