MONDO EXTRAS

The Scariest Two Hours Ever

by Pamie November 24, 2001
The Facts of Life Reunion

Stee: Whoa. Is that Lil' Kim?
Pamie: That's Tootie. Do you still really want to type her name as "2T"?
Stee: No. I just thought it would somehow make this more fun.
Pamie: Why are we on The Love Boat? Look, Mindy Cohn got top billing.
Stee: Pie got second billing.
Pamie: Also starring, George Coo-ney. George Booney.
Stee: Do you hear the music? Oh my god.
Pamie: See. Charlotte Rae just bought a Little Orphan Annie costume for this movie.
Stee: Oh. No. NO! Look at her head bobbling uncontrollably.
Pamie: She's like a dashboard dog.
Stee: Like a hula girl. And about as tall.
Pamie: Didn't all her suitors say, "You're an amazing woman, Edna Garrett"?
Stee: That was Golden Girls.
Pamie: Where is the Golden Girls reunion going to be?
Stee: In heaven.
Pamie: No! They're still alive, aren't they? Poor Rue McClanahan.
Stee: See. The Waiter Of Exposition is behind them cleaning the table.
Pamie: Yes, I see him. He's good. Man, Mrs. G. holding onto that Sea Green Eyeshadow we all never started using.

The flirting continues long into the night, as the ship apparently sails closer and closer to an iceberg. Mrs. Garrett is going on about her travels in Africa with Bruce. He passed away and she felt lost, she says. She warbles that she didn't have a home anymore. Then she got a message from "her girls," and she remembered where she belonged. Okay, so Bruce must be a relationship after Edna's Edibles closed. A still-screen of the opening credits flashes on the screen, and we're supposed to believe this is some .jpg of her "daughters." The captain says he wants to hear all about them. Look how they snuck Nancy McKeon into the movie by putting her in the picture! Pretty sneaky, Dis. Mrs. Garrett says they're not exactly her daughters, but they're her girls. Everyone's so busy with their lives now, but this year they decided to have a reunion. Mrs. Garrett has totally lost it and is rambling on like a drunk as her head lolls and bobs. "We're gonna have a good old-fashioned Eastland Thanksgiving," she smiles. Mrs. Garrett's teeth now point sharply inward toward the back of her mouth. It's terrifying.

Stee: That Sea Cap'n is obviously senile if he thought those were her four daughters. Including Tootie!

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The Scariest Two Hours Ever

by Pamie November 24, 2001
The Facts of Life Reunion
Stee: Whoa. Is that Lil' Kim? Pamie: That's Tootie. Do you still really want to type her name as "2T"? Stee: No. I just thought it would somehow make this more fun. Pamie: Why are we on The Love Boat? Look, Mindy Cohn got top billing. Stee: Pie got second billing. Pamie: Also starring, George Coo-ney. George Booney. Stee: Do you hear the music? Oh my god. Pamie: See. Charlotte Rae just bought a Little Orphan Annie costume for this movie. Stee: Oh. No. NO! Look at her head bobbling uncontrollably. Pamie: She's like a dashboard dog. Stee: Like a hula girl. And about as tall. Pamie: Didn't all her suitors say, "You're an amazing woman, Edna Garrett"? Stee: That was Golden Girls. Pamie: Where is the Golden Girls reunion going to be? Stee: In heaven. Pamie: No! They're still alive, aren't they? Poor Rue McClanahan. Stee: See. The Waiter Of Exposition is behind them cleaning the table. Pamie: Yes, I see him. He's good. Man, Mrs. G. holding onto that Sea Green Eyeshadow we all never started using.
The flirting continues long into the night, as the ship apparently sails closer and closer to an iceberg. Mrs. Garrett is going on about her travels in Africa with Bruce. He passed away and she felt lost, she says. She warbles that she didn't have a home anymore. Then she got a message from "her girls," and she remembered where she belonged. Okay, so Bruce must be a relationship after Edna's Edibles closed. A still-screen of the opening credits flashes on the screen, and we're supposed to believe this is some .jpg of her "daughters." The captain says he wants to hear all about them. Look how they snuck Nancy McKeon into the movie by putting her in the picture! Pretty sneaky, Dis. Mrs. Garrett says they're not exactly her daughters, but they're her girls. Everyone's so busy with their lives now, but this year they decided to have a reunion. Mrs. Garrett has totally lost it and is rambling on like a drunk as her head lolls and bobs. "We're gonna have a good old-fashioned Eastland Thanksgiving," she smiles. Mrs. Garrett's teeth now point sharply inward toward the back of her mouth. It's terrifying.
Stee: That Sea Cap'n is obviously senile if he thought those were her four daughters. Including Tootie! Pamie: Where's the photo?

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29Next

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