MONDO EXTRAS

The Scariest Two Hours Ever

by Pamie November 24, 2001
The Facts of Life Reunion

Natalie, Tootie, and Blair are drinking at the bar. They actually say the lines, "You take the good. You take the bad." They toast to each other. Mrs. Garrett announces that Robert won the contest. Natalie thought it was going to be Harper. How? Mrs. Garrett asks if she wanted it to be Harper. Natalie says she did. Mrs. Garrett says that her answer is right there. Natalie says it doesn't matter anymore: it's all over.

Pamie: Why didn't Blair do her roots?
Stee: This is what you're worried about?
Pamie: "You know what, Mrs. Garrett? Mind your own fucking business for once."
Stee: That's what I always wanted the Bradys to say. "No, you're not coming to Hawaii, stupid. You're our fucking maid, bitch! It's none of your fucking business about Bobby -- go make us some goddamn dinner."
Pamie: Tootie has hair problems.
Stee: Oh, they're making Mrs. Garrett tend bar, too. That's fucked up.

Blair says, "I'm going home. He may be a lying, cheating scoundrel, but he's my lying, cheating scoundrel. And I'm not going to let him go without a fight." There's that codependent Blair we know and love! Mrs. Garrett cheers Blair on. Blair leaves.

Pamie: No, Disney! No, Disney.
Stee: Oh, what a nice message. He may be cheating on me...
Pamie: But he's the only husband I'll ever get. And poor Tootie's daughter. Always getting pawned off on everyone.

Blair's license plate says BLR WTCH. Blair pushes her driver out of the way. Tootie and Natalie run out and say that Mrs. Garrett is going to watch the kids and they're coming, too, in case she needs help beating Tad up. Healthy relationships, all around! Tires squeal as the limo pulls away from Peekskill.

This film never, ever ends. Blair calls her husband a snake and wonders where he could be in all of New York. They figure he must be in a hotel, since he's cheating. Natalie makes the brilliant deduction to check Blair's cell phone, since Tad has called her from it more than once. She asks Blair to identify all of the calls in her call history. The third one she's never seen before. Natalie calls it and asks where they're located. She asks if Tad Warner is there. She says she's meeting him. Everyone is amazed at how great Natalie is at being a news reporter because of her skills at using a cell phone. Man, they didn't teach shit at Eastland, did they? "How do you think I found Salman Rushdie?" Natalie asks. Kill us. Now. Natalie gets a call from her boss, telling her she has to go to Pakistan on Thursday. This is an incredibly long week. She has to try to find Harper to go Pakistan with her. Everyone is upset that Natalie is going to miss Thanksgiving.

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The Scariest Two Hours Ever

by Pamie November 24, 2001
The Facts of Life Reunion Natalie, Tootie, and Blair are drinking at the bar. They actually say the lines, "You take the good. You take the bad." They toast to each other. Mrs. Garrett announces that Robert won the contest. Natalie thought it was going to be Harper. How? Mrs. Garrett asks if she wanted it to be Harper. Natalie says she did. Mrs. Garrett says that her answer is right there. Natalie says it doesn't matter anymore: it's all over.
Pamie: Why didn't Blair do her roots? Stee: This is what you're worried about? Pamie: "You know what, Mrs. Garrett? Mind your own fucking business for once." Stee: That's what I always wanted the Bradys to say. "No, you're not coming to Hawaii, stupid. You're our fucking maid, bitch! It's none of your fucking business about Bobby -- go make us some goddamn dinner." Pamie: Tootie has hair problems. Stee: Oh, they're making Mrs. Garrett tend bar, too. That's fucked up.
Blair says, "I'm going home. He may be a lying, cheating scoundrel, but he's my lying, cheating scoundrel. And I'm not going to let him go without a fight." There's that codependent Blair we know and love! Mrs. Garrett cheers Blair on. Blair leaves.
Pamie: No, Disney! No, Disney. Stee: Oh, what a nice message. He may be cheating on me... Pamie: But he's the only husband I'll ever get. And poor Tootie's daughter. Always getting pawned off on everyone.
Blair's license plate says BLR WTCH. Blair pushes her driver out of the way. Tootie and Natalie run out and say that Mrs. Garrett is going to watch the kids and they're coming, too, in case she needs help beating Tad up. Healthy relationships, all around! Tires squeal as the limo pulls away from Peekskill. This film never, ever ends. Blair calls her husband a snake and wonders where he could be in all of New York. They figure he must be in a hotel, since he's cheating. Natalie makes the brilliant deduction to check Blair's cell phone, since Tad has called her from it more than once. She asks Blair to identify all of the calls in her call history. The third one she's never seen before. Natalie calls it and asks where they're located. She asks if Tad Warner is there. She says she's meeting him. Everyone is amazed at how great Natalie is at being a news reporter because of her skills at using a cell phone. Man, they didn't teach shit at Eastland, did they? "How do you think I found Salman Rushdie?" Natalie asks. Kill us. Now. Natalie gets a call from her boss, telling her she has to go to Pakistan on Thursday. This is an incredibly long week. She has to try to find Harper to go Pakistan with her. Everyone is upset that Natalie is going to miss Thanksgiving.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29Next

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