MONDO EXTRAS

The Scariest Two Hours Ever

by Pamie November 24, 2001
The Facts of Life Reunion
Pamie: That nose.
Stee: She's an attorney? She can't even spell "attorney." She can't even spell "law."

New York. Cabbies. Oh, Jesus! Back away from Mindy Cohn's giant pancaked head! It's hideous! She's orange. Crazy hip music from 1983 plays as Natalie answers her cell phone. The cabbie listens and watches her through the rearview mirror. Natalie is quick and snappy. She's some kind of news producer or something. She asks the cabbie to turn down the music and keep driving. She's snapping into the phone and yelling at the cabbie. "Happy Turkey," she says as she hangs up, and tells the cabbie that he's going the long way. The cabbie actually says the following sentence: "Oh, yeah. Big talking lady! Fancy purple cell phone! Know everything lady! You think you can do better?" Natalie smirks.

Pamie: Oh no, Natalie did not age well.
Stee: That's not her.
Pamie: I know, I was just -- Whoa, no! Natalie did not age well. Oh no, Natalie!
Stee: Oh no!
Pamie: God. What's with the bronzer and the bronze?
Stee: Is Kathy Bates playing Natalie?
Pamie: No! You can't steal my joke!
Stee: Already stole it. Comedy is a cruel mistress.
Pamie: Man. She just wants the Kathy Bates roles so she's just Kathy Bates-ing it up here, but she's cross-eyed.
Stee: "I'm not going to let you drive my cab with your cross-eyed face." Oh, eight minutes in and they're busting out with the first pratfall already. Eight minutes.
Pamie: My head did one a couple minutes ago.
Stee: An Arab-looking cab driver who speaks like F. Murray Abraham.
Pamie: What's happening? Where's Clooney?
Stee: Busy having a career.
Pamie: I thought Clooney was going to be on this.
Stee: He's already writing angry letters to the Facts of Life people about this movie.

The car rushes up to the hotel. The cabbie falls out of the passenger side of the cab. Natalie gets out and walks over to pay him. He tells her she's a goddess and that he wants to pay her for the fare. "You have opened my eyes and shown me a new light," he says, and pays her for the fare. "You call that a tip?" Natalie snarks. It's like Groucho Marx wrote this script.

Inside the hotel, Natalie reunites with Raymond. We don't remember him. He calls her "the famous news reporter" and she asks about his globe-trotting mom, so we know that Natalie has a job and that Raymond is Mrs. Garrett's son. Raymond tucks some of Natalie's wig behind her ears. He says he's the executive manager of the hotel now. Natalie mentions that Raymond used to be an accountant. This must be way in the later years of this show that Raymond was around. ["I would say when Raymond showed up, but I'm embarrassed that I know, so I won't." -- Wing Chun] Blair floats down the stairs and announces that she hired Raymond to keep everyone in the Peekskill family in the hotel. She's in a white shirt with feathers all around the sleeves. Natalie goes to hug her, and Blair doesn't want her feathers ruffled. Or her white shirt covered in Natalie's face paint. Blair gives in and lets Natalie hug her. Natalie says that Blair looks fantastic. Blair agrees. Natalie calls the hotel "Blairsailles." Tootie should be in at any moment. Raymond announces that room 18 has a leak. Blair says she thought Carl fixed it. Raymond tells her that Carl quit. Blair tells Natalie that ever since George quit, they keep losing handymen, because they run to Hollywood seeking fame and fortune. We hope George Clooney sues. A French chef runs out and screams in half-French that he's upset about something. Raymond tells him not to "flip [his] flan." Blair explains to Natalie that they stole Chef Gougin from the George V when they were in Paris. Sure they did. This inn is clearly the Independence Inn from Gilmore Girls. Blair tells Natalie that an anonymous food critic is supposed to show up soon from Gourmet, and that the chef is nervous. Blair makes Raymond get a toolbox and fix things around the hotel.

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Comments

The Scariest Two Hours Ever

by Pamie November 24, 2001
The Facts of Life Reunion Stee: She's an attorney? She can't even spell "attorney." She can't even spell "law." New York. Cabbies. Oh, Jesus! Back away from Mindy Cohn's giant pancaked head! It's hideous! She's orange. Crazy hip music from 1983 plays as Natalie answers her cell phone. The cabbie listens and watches her through the rearview mirror. Natalie is quick and snappy. She's some kind of news producer or something. She asks the cabbie to turn down the music and keep driving. She's snapping into the phone and yelling at the cabbie. "Happy Turkey," she says as she hangs up, and tells the cabbie that he's going the long way. The cabbie actually says the following sentence: "Oh, yeah. Big talking lady! Fancy purple cell phone! Know everything lady! You think you can do better?" Natalie smirks.
Pamie: Oh no, Natalie did not age well. Stee: That's not her. Pamie: I know, I was just -- Whoa, no! Natalie did not age well. Oh no, Natalie! Stee: Oh no! Pamie: God. What's with the bronzer and the bronze? Stee: Is Kathy Bates playing Natalie? Pamie: No! You can't steal my joke! Stee: Already stole it. Comedy is a cruel mistress. Pamie: Man. She just wants the Kathy Bates roles so she's just Kathy Bates-ing it up here, but she's cross-eyed. Stee: "I'm not going to let you drive my cab with your cross-eyed face." Oh, eight minutes in and they're busting out with the first pratfall already. Eight minutes. Pamie: My head did one a couple minutes ago. Stee: An Arab-looking cab driver who speaks like F. Murray Abraham. Pamie: What's happening? Where's Clooney? Stee: Busy having a career. Pamie: I thought Clooney was going to be on this. Stee: He's already writing angry letters to the Facts of Life people about this movie.
The car rushes up to the hotel. The cabbie falls out of the passenger side of the cab. Natalie gets out and walks over to pay him. He tells her she's a goddess and that he wants to pay her for the fare. "You have opened my eyes and shown me a new light," he says, and pays her for the fare. "You call that a tip?" Natalie snarks. It's like Groucho Marx wrote this script. Inside the hotel, Natalie reunites with Raymond. We don't remember him. He calls her "the famous news reporter" and she asks about his globe-trotting mom, so we know that Natalie has a job and that Raymond is Mrs. Garrett's son. Raymond tucks some of Natalie's wig behind her ears. He says he's the executive manager of the hotel now. Natalie mentions that Raymond used to be an accountant. This must be way in the later years of this show that Raymond was around. ["I would say when Raymond showed up, but I'm embarrassed that I know, so I won't." -- Wing Chun] Blair floats down the stairs and announces that she hired Raymond to keep everyone in the Peekskill family in the hotel. She's in a white shirt with feathers all around the sleeves. Natalie goes to hug her, and Blair doesn't want her feathers ruffled. Or her white shirt covered in Natalie's face paint. Blair gives in and lets Natalie hug her. Natalie says that Blair looks fantastic. Blair agrees. Natalie calls the hotel "Blairsailles." Tootie should be in at any moment. Raymond announces that room 18 has a leak. Blair says she thought Carl fixed it. Raymond tells her that Carl quit. Blair tells Natalie that ever since George quit, they keep losing handymen, because they run to Hollywood seeking fame and fortune. We hope George Clooney sues. A French chef runs out and screams in half-French that he's upset about something. Raymond tells him not to "flip [his] flan." Blair explains to Natalie that they stole Chef Gougin from the George V when they were in Paris. Sure they did. This inn is clearly the Independence Inn from Gilmore Girls. Blair tells Natalie that an anonymous food critic is supposed to show up soon from Gourmet, and that the chef is nervous. Blair makes Raymond get a toolbox and fix things around the hotel.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29Next

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