MONDO EXTRAS

Time of Your Death

by admin September 29, 2005
The Ghost Whisperer: Pilot I just have to express my sincere admiration for everyone who donated what they could to the Katrina Relief fund on Television Without Pity. I think I actually caught Tubey going all misty-eyed over the news and the last time that happened was when he was told that color was hot and black and white was not. Demian deserves all the credit for coming up with the title for this recap and making said title completely irresistible. Breast Whisperer, indeed!

It's been five years since I had the dubious honor of recapping Jennifer Love Hewitt, a.k.a. Spewitt, Hepwitt, and Really Annoying Chick Who Won't Go Away. The very fact that the revolting Audrey Hepburn travesty of hers even saw the light of day ensured that I will hunt down and kill whatever Spewitt has the gall to do on television. As God as my witness. The last time I dumped on Spewitt, she was getting ready to have phone sex with that guy who now does the ING commercials. Let's see how many more colors I can barf before the evening is up.

The opening scene makes me rub my eyes and reach for the glasses I don't actually have. Hm, what's this? Why can't I see? Everything is so blurry! Oh, that's the point. Whew -- I was really scared there. Yeah, I'm sorry, Joan of Arcadia replacement, but it's going to take more than a cornily unfocussed lens to keep me from seeing this show for the crap it is. A big-eyed (but not big-dinnered…at least, not yet) little girl in a prim red dress (wait, aren't the people dressed in red the dead ones? Or am I mixing my spectral-sightings media?) over a white turtleneck walks slowly down an aisle. She stares at a casket and at the grieving friends and family around it. An older lady bends over the little girl and whispers, "Sit next to this man, Melinda, we're going to help them." Melinda stares up at the watery-eyed man, who looks down at her. She's there for barely a second before her grandmother comes to lead her to the open casket. Oh, I am so not about that! The one funeral I was able to attend of all my grandparents had an open casket, and I would not go in that room. No way. Melinda stares down at the dead Jack Lemmon look-alike in the satin-lined coffin and gapes -- IT'S THE SAME MAN THAT SHE WAS SITTING NEXT TO NOT SECONDS BEFORE! I'm waiting for the thrumming strains of "O Fortuna!" to reach my ears. Melinda swallows, blinks her eyes, and gapes some more before looking back at the "alive" Jack Lemmon look-alike. Yes, he's still there, so I guess this means he's a spirit or a shade or -- what's that other word? -- oh, right, ghost. The "alive" Jack Lemmon looks so deeply sad, so completely distraught that I'm going to hazard that his performance here is going to be the best one of the entire episode.

Finally, Melinda the Younger looks up at her grandmother and creels, "Gramma?" Gramma tells her it's all right. What's all right? You dragged a kid to the funeral of someone she doesn't even know, you made her look at a dead body, and you haven't explained why she can now see people who are supposed to be decently dead. "Alive" Jack Lemmon walks up to Melinda and says she and her grandmother are the only ones who can see him. Oh, like she's going to take some ghost's word for it. I mean, I'm not saying that ghosts are specifically untrustworthy, per se, I'm just saying that they're here one moment and gone the next, that's all. "Alive" Jack Lemmon asks if Melinda will help him, and then gestures to a woman, saying, "That's my wife -- we've been together for twenty-six years. Then, I had to go -- I had to go so quickly, I didn't have time to say goodbye. Didn't have time to tell her how much I love her, and she really needs to hear it now." This is something I don't get. Dead people are always saying that the ones they leave behind really need to hear or know that the dead person loved them. And they always seem to want to tell them this really soon after they died. Isn't it less painful to hear that kind of thing much later, when the raw wounds have had time to heal a bit? Basically, I think it's simply that dead people don't know what else to say. It's like when I, a living person, told my sister, who had just watched her cat die suddenly, "Bug knew how much you loved him -- he had a happy life." It didn't make her feel one bit better, but I didn't know what else to say.

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Time of Your Death

by admin September 29, 2005
The Ghost Whisperer: Pilot I just have to express my sincere admiration for everyone who donated what they could to the Katrina Relief fund on Television Without Pity. I think I actually caught Tubey going all misty-eyed over the news and the last time that happened was when he was told that color was hot and black and white was not. Demian deserves all the credit for coming up with the title for this recap and making said title completely irresistible. Breast Whisperer, indeed!

It's been five years since I had the dubious honor of recapping Jennifer Love Hewitt, a.k.a. Spewitt, Hepwitt, and Really Annoying Chick Who Won't Go Away. The very fact that the revolting Audrey Hepburn travesty of hers even saw the light of day ensured that I will hunt down and kill whatever Spewitt has the gall to do on television. As God as my witness. The last time I dumped on Spewitt, she was getting ready to have phone sex with that guy who now does the ING commercials. Let's see how many more colors I can barf before the evening is up.

The opening scene makes me rub my eyes and reach for the glasses I don't actually have. Hm, what's this? Why can't I see? Everything is so blurry! Oh, that's the point. Whew -- I was really scared there. Yeah, I'm sorry, Joan of Arcadia replacement, but it's going to take more than a cornily unfocussed lens to keep me from seeing this show for the crap it is. A big-eyed (but not big-dinnered…at least, not yet) little girl in a prim red dress (wait, aren't the people dressed in red the dead ones? Or am I mixing my spectral-sightings media?) over a white turtleneck walks slowly down an aisle. She stares at a casket and at the grieving friends and family around it. An older lady bends over the little girl and whispers, "Sit next to this man, Melinda, we're going to help them." Melinda stares up at the watery-eyed man, who looks down at her. She's there for barely a second before her grandmother comes to lead her to the open casket. Oh, I am so not about that! The one funeral I was able to attend of all my grandparents had an open casket, and I would not go in that room. No way. Melinda stares down at the dead Jack Lemmon look-alike in the satin-lined coffin and gapes -- IT'S THE SAME MAN THAT SHE WAS SITTING NEXT TO NOT SECONDS BEFORE! I'm waiting for the thrumming strains of "O Fortuna!" to reach my ears. Melinda swallows, blinks her eyes, and gapes some more before looking back at the "alive" Jack Lemmon look-alike. Yes, he's still there, so I guess this means he's a spirit or a shade or -- what's that other word? -- oh, right, ghost. The "alive" Jack Lemmon looks so deeply sad, so completely distraught that I'm going to hazard that his performance here is going to be the best one of the entire episode.

Finally, Melinda the Younger looks up at her grandmother and creels, "Gramma?" Gramma tells her it's all right. What's all right? You dragged a kid to the funeral of someone she doesn't even know, you made her look at a dead body, and you haven't explained why she can now see people who are supposed to be decently dead. "Alive" Jack Lemmon walks up to Melinda and says she and her grandmother are the only ones who can see him. Oh, like she's going to take some ghost's word for it. I mean, I'm not saying that ghosts are specifically untrustworthy, per se, I'm just saying that they're here one moment and gone the next, that's all. "Alive" Jack Lemmon asks if Melinda will help him, and then gestures to a woman, saying, "That's my wife -- we've been together for twenty-six years. Then, I had to go -- I had to go so quickly, I didn't have time to say goodbye. Didn't have time to tell her how much I love her, and she really needs to hear it now." This is something I don't get. Dead people are always saying that the ones they leave behind really need to hear or know that the dead person loved them. And they always seem to want to tell them this really soon after they died. Isn't it less painful to hear that kind of thing much later, when the raw wounds have had time to heal a bit? Basically, I think it's simply that dead people don't know what else to say. It's like when I, a living person, told my sister, who had just watched her cat die suddenly, "Bug knew how much you loved him -- he had a happy life." It didn't make her feel one bit better, but I didn't know what else to say.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

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