MONDO EXTRAS

Time of Your Death

by Keckler September 29, 2005
The Ghost Whisperer: Pilot

Dark night. Blue light. Distant figure struggling under the weight of a body it's carrying. Suddenly, the figure stumbles and the body it's carrying...giggles?! "Oh god, that FUCKING GIGGLE!" the Evil Dr. Mathra screams, suddenly coming into the room. "I had drunk all traces of that thing from my brain and now you have brought it screaming back to me! Why?! Why!? WHY?!" It's all for the kids, honey, it's all for the kids. "Oooh-hooo-hoooo!" Melinwitt chortles. Long, sappy story short, Jim, under the steam of two bottles of wine, has lugged his blushing, heaving, cleavaging bride to a house that he has been secretly overhauling. It's so very It's a Wonderful Life that I just might have to vomit until an angel gets his wings. Jim puts Melinwitt down. Her crinkly eyes are still covered by a black satin sleep mask that you know she totally sleeps in with her hands also smeared with rose petal lotion and covered with white cotton gloves. A porch post -- not supporting anything, just there for decoration, like Jennifer Love Hewitt -- falls over. Remember that. If you care. Jim tells Melinwitt to take off her mask and close one eye before looking at the house so she will only see the part that's finished. Melinwitt, one eye closed, turns and looks. No real reaction to the mostly renovated Victorian house. She turns back to Jim and perks, "Damn, wrong eye." Ungrateful, undeserving skank! Then she says, "I love it!" and throws her arms around Jim. I'm sorry, but if that had been me? My first half-look at a house -- any house! -- that was mine would have had me screaming on half-sight. Her face was blank (BLANK!) when she first got a gander at it. They smooch about their home and Jim carries her the rest of the way in. Funny how a house with so much construction is also so completely wired for electricity.

In the new bedroom, surrounded by enough candles to give my landlord a heart attack, Melinwitt sleeps. Then a mysterious gust of wind blows all the candles out, and Melinwitt sits straight up in bed, looking ill. "Bad one?" Jim groans, also waking up. "The usual," Melinwitt tells him. Jim comments that he thought she was "gonna try to give this a rest." Melinwitt sort of snaps, "Yeah, when you find the remote that turns that off, you let me know." Jim says he's just worried about her. "You looking out for me, huh?" Melinwitt smiles, rubbing his naked forearm. "I'm lookin' out for me -- you punch pretty hard during those bad dreams," Jim corrects. "Yeah, well maybe I was faking those bad dreams," Melinwitt suggests. SPOUSAL ABUSE! It's not a laughing matter. Jim thinks she's "bagging a lot of pain." And now we have a little discussion about other people's pain, which is not originally hers but does actually become hers. "Look who's talking, Mr. Paramedic," Melinwitt says, before scuttling out of bed and looking down at her husband. She adds, "It's hard to get used to." Jim's all "what?" "Being cared about so much," Melinwitt pouts. Jim gets to his knees in the bed and pouts back, "I know my bidness." Oh, no he DI'INT! And yes, closed captioning actually had it as "bidness" as well. How far we've come. They kiss. Melinwitt shoves Jim back into bed and doubles up her fists, giggling. SPOUSAL ABUSE! If it's not a laughing matter, then it's certainly not a giggling matter either! Jim laughs, saying, "I'll take your spot!"

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Time of Your Death

by Keckler September 29, 2005
The Ghost Whisperer: Pilot

Dark night. Blue light. Distant figure struggling under the weight of a body it's carrying. Suddenly, the figure stumbles and the body it's carrying...giggles?! "Oh god, that FUCKING GIGGLE!" the Evil Dr. Mathra screams, suddenly coming into the room. "I had drunk all traces of that thing from my brain and now you have brought it screaming back to me! Why?! Why!? WHY?!" It's all for the kids, honey, it's all for the kids. "Oooh-hooo-hoooo!" Melinwitt chortles. Long, sappy story short, Jim, under the steam of two bottles of wine, has lugged his blushing, heaving, cleavaging bride to a house that he has been secretly overhauling. It's so very It's a Wonderful Life that I just might have to vomit until an angel gets his wings. Jim puts Melinwitt down. Her crinkly eyes are still covered by a black satin sleep mask that you know she totally sleeps in with her hands also smeared with rose petal lotion and covered with white cotton gloves. A porch post -- not supporting anything, just there for decoration, like Jennifer Love Hewitt -- falls over. Remember that. If you care. Jim tells Melinwitt to take off her mask and close one eye before looking at the house so she will only see the part that's finished. Melinwitt, one eye closed, turns and looks. No real reaction to the mostly renovated Victorian house. She turns back to Jim and perks, "Damn, wrong eye." Ungrateful, undeserving skank! Then she says, "I love it!" and throws her arms around Jim. I'm sorry, but if that had been me? My first half-look at a house -- any house! -- that was mine would have had me screaming on half-sight. Her face was blank (BLANK!) when she first got a gander at it. They smooch about their home and Jim carries her the rest of the way in. Funny how a house with so much construction is also so completely wired for electricity.

In the new bedroom, surrounded by enough candles to give my landlord a heart attack, Melinwitt sleeps. Then a mysterious gust of wind blows all the candles out, and Melinwitt sits straight up in bed, looking ill. "Bad one?" Jim groans, also waking up. "The usual," Melinwitt tells him. Jim comments that he thought she was "gonna try to give this a rest." Melinwitt sort of snaps, "Yeah, when you find the remote that turns that off, you let me know." Jim says he's just worried about her. "You looking out for me, huh?" Melinwitt smiles, rubbing his naked forearm. "I'm lookin' out for me -- you punch pretty hard during those bad dreams," Jim corrects. "Yeah, well maybe I was faking those bad dreams," Melinwitt suggests. SPOUSAL ABUSE! It's not a laughing matter. Jim thinks she's "bagging a lot of pain." And now we have a little discussion about other people's pain, which is not originally hers but does actually become hers. "Look who's talking, Mr. Paramedic," Melinwitt says, before scuttling out of bed and looking down at her husband. She adds, "It's hard to get used to." Jim's all "what?" "Being cared about so much," Melinwitt pouts. Jim gets to his knees in the bed and pouts back, "I know my bidness." Oh, no he DI'INT! And yes, closed captioning actually had it as "bidness" as well. How far we've come. They kiss. Melinwitt shoves Jim back into bed and doubles up her fists, giggling. SPOUSAL ABUSE! If it's not a laughing matter, then it's certainly not a giggling matter either! Jim laughs, saying, "I'll take your spot!"

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