MONDO EXTRAS

Fish and Tits

by Wendola June 6, 2002
The Hamptons, Part I

There's a dull Memorial Day parade in East Hampton Village. Elsewhere, peons prepare a house for Josh Binn's fabulous party. Even more elsewhere, Steven Gaines -- Writer Of Some Book About The Hamptons -- talks to his dog, Robbie: "Did we get a good night's sleep? And you had dreams? Were you chasing a squirrel in your dreams? Yes! A squirrel! And later we'll go to the beach?" The dog's like, "Huh? Huh?" We find out Robbie has Doggie Alzheimer's. Okay. And this has what to do with Lizzie Grubman?

Jason Binn the Hamptons Magazine Guy gets his sore neck treated by some famous healer/former alien abductee, just because he can; then he throws a big party and turns nobodies away at the door, just because he can. Lizzie Grubman shows up, finally. So does Steven Gaines. And then the Hilton sisters, who do not flash their tits like they always do, supposedly. Binn's father talks about how successful his son is; meanwhile, Binn mingles with various beautiful people and poses for a picture with Larry "Bud" Melman, who is technically a beautiful person. Steven Gaines discusses "trophy houseguests" with Neal Travis of the New York Post. Gwyneth Paltrow is a trophy houseguest; Margaret Thatcher is not. Well, duh.

Evening falls on the Hamptons, and the staffs at various nightclubs and restaurants get ready for the nightlife, blah blah. People line up at the Conscience Point club. ToolJosh and his buddies bring in equipment for the oxygen bar they're going to operate at some nightclub. ToolJosh wears a really dumb Kangol cap and explains the oxygen bar to a waitress. She picks the oxygen flavored "Synergy," and she and a friend stand around with the stupid oxygen tubes under their noses looking bored. "Is this legal?" the first girl asks. ToolJosh blathers that "there's a lot of very positive [sic] that oxygen does for you." "And people pay for this?" the girl asks. Heh. ToolJosh grins at the waitresses. His entrepreneurial mind wonders if there's some way to develop an oxygen-bar roofie.

People at the Hamptons want to get into nightclubs. Sometimes, people at the Hamptons can't get into nightclubs. Sometimes, people at the Hamptons are already in nightclubs and they tell each other they lost weight. Sometimes, people act like complete tools and they don't get into nightclubs but then they call someone on their cell phones and get in, even though they are complete tools. Watching all this takes two minutes that I'll want back at the end of my life.

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Fish and Tits

by Wendola June 6, 2002
The Hamptons, Part I There's a dull Memorial Day parade in East Hampton Village. Elsewhere, peons prepare a house for Josh Binn's fabulous party. Even more elsewhere, Steven Gaines -- Writer Of Some Book About The Hamptons -- talks to his dog, Robbie: "Did we get a good night's sleep? And you had dreams? Were you chasing a squirrel in your dreams? Yes! A squirrel! And later we'll go to the beach?" The dog's like, "Huh? Huh?" We find out Robbie has Doggie Alzheimer's. Okay. And this has what to do with Lizzie Grubman? Jason Binn the Hamptons Magazine Guy gets his sore neck treated by some famous healer/former alien abductee, just because he can; then he throws a big party and turns nobodies away at the door, just because he can. Lizzie Grubman shows up, finally. So does Steven Gaines. And then the Hilton sisters, who do not flash their tits like they always do, supposedly. Binn's father talks about how successful his son is; meanwhile, Binn mingles with various beautiful people and poses for a picture with Larry "Bud" Melman, who is technically a beautiful person. Steven Gaines discusses "trophy houseguests" with Neal Travis of the New York Post. Gwyneth Paltrow is a trophy houseguest; Margaret Thatcher is not. Well, duh. Evening falls on the Hamptons, and the staffs at various nightclubs and restaurants get ready for the nightlife, blah blah. People line up at the Conscience Point club. ToolJosh and his buddies bring in equipment for the oxygen bar they're going to operate at some nightclub. ToolJosh wears a really dumb Kangol cap and explains the oxygen bar to a waitress. She picks the oxygen flavored "Synergy," and she and a friend stand around with the stupid oxygen tubes under their noses looking bored. "Is this legal?" the first girl asks. ToolJosh blathers that "there's a lot of very positive [sic] that oxygen does for you." "And people pay for this?" the girl asks. Heh. ToolJosh grins at the waitresses. His entrepreneurial mind wonders if there's some way to develop an oxygen-bar roofie. People at the Hamptons want to get into nightclubs. Sometimes, people at the Hamptons can't get into nightclubs. Sometimes, people at the Hamptons are already in nightclubs and they tell each other they lost weight. Sometimes, people act like complete tools and they don't get into nightclubs but then they call someone on their cell phones and get in, even though they are complete tools. Watching all this takes two minutes that I'll want back at the end of my life.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9Next

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