MONDO EXTRAS

Fish and Tits

by Wendola June 6, 2002
The Hamptons, Part I

The party starts. Kristin Davis shows up. Copies of 4 Blondes are on every table. Candace Bushnell tells people that the book is about "shoes and rich men." Nicky and Paris continue to not flash their tits. Jason Binn shows up, and Bushnell grabs his arm and tells people that "Guys like him are the inspiration for Sex & The City." Some photographer decides it would be really clever to take a picture of four blondes holding up the book. Nicky Hilton picks up the copy of the book on her table and idly flips through it, trying to amuse herself with it without actually reading it, but I suspect that has less to do with her blondeness than it does her Nicky Hilton-ness. Steven Gaines and Jason Binn repeatedly chuckle over the fact that blondes at the party are reading the book, and when Gaines makes a joke about a blonde only making it to page two and Binn doesn't really get it, God gets dizzy and the universe turns inside out.

At a restaurant somewhere, ToolJosh makes a call on his cell phone right at the table while the two women he's with talk about what a tool he is for doing so. ToolJosh explains that it's because he's "task-oriented." He calls his dad to wish him a happy Father's Day. When he's done, he starts blathering that he never calls the women whose phone numbers he gets. One of the women gets really disgusted. "Is that an American thing?" she asks, speaking with an accent. ToolJosh says "he likes a challenge" and he wishes "girls weren't so easy," and when he sleeps with a woman on the first date, he's very disappointed. Accentula tries to call him on his shit. Her friend is like, "Oh, God." ToolJosh is all, "Relationships are a challenge blather blah bluh it's like a game blibbety blah the thrill of the chase blah blah bling I'm such a fucking cockmaster." That's the gist of it, at least.

I'm Jacqueline! is at a bar called The Independent, saying that the guys there tend to be "the kind that you want to marry." She goes around swinging from one guy's biceps to another like a freaking spider monkey. "He-lllloooo!" she says. Her plan for Mr. Right is this: "We meet in the Hamptons and we have that kind of, like, flirting thing for the night, like, we see each other and we do a little talking but of course, I play cool and I walk away, and then, you know, he'll buy me a drink kind of thing, and I'll drink it with him and then walk away." She giggles. "And then he'll ask me on a date and I'll say no and then he'll call and ask again and I wait six days before calling him back and then I'll say no again and then if he calls back again in half the time I'll say yes and he'll show up at my house and he'll be wearing a turtleneck sweater and he'll give me white lilies and I'll act like I don't even care and make him take me home after an hour...." Or something like that. Poolside at the sharehouse, she sits in a bikini, and while the guy sitting next to her is talking to some other people, she rubs her forearms all over his bare chest as if she's trying to rub off suntan lotion or pheromones on him. "I will have a boyfriend in September. Like I told my dad to start saving. I'm not kidding." She grabs arms. She sits on laps. She is seriously in estrus.

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Fish and Tits

by Wendola June 6, 2002
The Hamptons, Part I The party starts. Kristin Davis shows up. Copies of 4 Blondes are on every table. Candace Bushnell tells people that the book is about "shoes and rich men." Nicky and Paris continue to not flash their tits. Jason Binn shows up, and Bushnell grabs his arm and tells people that "Guys like him are the inspiration for Sex & The City." Some photographer decides it would be really clever to take a picture of four blondes holding up the book. Nicky Hilton picks up the copy of the book on her table and idly flips through it, trying to amuse herself with it without actually reading it, but I suspect that has less to do with her blondeness than it does her Nicky Hilton-ness. Steven Gaines and Jason Binn repeatedly chuckle over the fact that blondes at the party are reading the book, and when Gaines makes a joke about a blonde only making it to page two and Binn doesn't really get it, God gets dizzy and the universe turns inside out. At a restaurant somewhere, ToolJosh makes a call on his cell phone right at the table while the two women he's with talk about what a tool he is for doing so. ToolJosh explains that it's because he's "task-oriented." He calls his dad to wish him a happy Father's Day. When he's done, he starts blathering that he never calls the women whose phone numbers he gets. One of the women gets really disgusted. "Is that an American thing?" she asks, speaking with an accent. ToolJosh says "he likes a challenge" and he wishes "girls weren't so easy," and when he sleeps with a woman on the first date, he's very disappointed. Accentula tries to call him on his shit. Her friend is like, "Oh, God." ToolJosh is all, "Relationships are a challenge blather blah bluh it's like a game blibbety blah the thrill of the chase blah blah bling I'm such a fucking cockmaster." That's the gist of it, at least. I'm Jacqueline! is at a bar called The Independent, saying that the guys there tend to be "the kind that you want to marry." She goes around swinging from one guy's biceps to another like a freaking spider monkey. "He-lllloooo!" she says. Her plan for Mr. Right is this: "We meet in the Hamptons and we have that kind of, like, flirting thing for the night, like, we see each other and we do a little talking but of course, I play cool and I walk away, and then, you know, he'll buy me a drink kind of thing, and I'll drink it with him and then walk away." She giggles. "And then he'll ask me on a date and I'll say no and then he'll call and ask again and I wait six days before calling him back and then I'll say no again and then if he calls back again in half the time I'll say yes and he'll show up at my house and he'll be wearing a turtleneck sweater and he'll give me white lilies and I'll act like I don't even care and make him take me home after an hour...." Or something like that. Poolside at the sharehouse, she sits in a bikini, and while the guy sitting next to her is talking to some other people, she rubs her forearms all over his bare chest as if she's trying to rub off suntan lotion or pheromones on him. "I will have a boyfriend in September. Like I told my dad to start saving. I'm not kidding." She grabs arms. She sits on laps. She is seriously in estrus.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9Next

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