MONDO EXTRAS

Blonde on Blah

by Wendola June 11, 2002
The Hamptons, Part II

Steven Gaines takes Robbie the Cognitive Dysfunctional Dog to the vet. Robbie drools profusely in the car. Gaines was going to have Robbie put to sleep, but he explains to the vet that he'd taken the dog to the beach for the last time; a neighbor woman saw him sobbing and told him that she didn't think Robbie needed to be put down yet. The vet agrees. Gaines decides he's just going to forget about plans to put down Robbie for now. Hey, so will Robbie!

Gaines meets a friend for lunch and shows her a newspaper headline: one of the people Lizzie Grubman injured is suing her for $30 million. "She was partying with Tara Reid -- do you know who Tara Reid is?" Gaines asks his friend. She doesn't know. "Neither do I," says Gaines. Man, good for him. Later, Gaines takes flowers to the neighbor who talked him out of putting the dog to sleep. He asks her if she has a copy of his book Philistines in the Hedgerow, maybe because he wants to offer it as a gift, or maybe he just wanted to see if they bought it.

Australian Neva and the rest of the Waitress Non-Stop Non-Drama Troupe have a house meeting. This wouldn't be a reality show without a house meeting, you know. Neva tells the Irish waitresses that she's been doing all the work around the house and is getting stuck with all the expenses. Dina the American waitress backs her up. Irish Waitress 1 mumbles, "You're treating us like you're the mother and we're like, the kids, and we got to be, like, equal, you know." Irish Waitress 2 just slouches and channels Aneesa.

Night in East Hampton: The police chief and his son break up some fight downtown. About a dozen muttering nineteen-year-old guys are involved, but they take a tip from COPS and bust only the one without a shirt on.

ToolJosh parties at his sharehouse: he wears a white bandanna on his head, which I'm pretty sure is gay hanky code for "Top Dickcheese." "It's definitely been a good summer for ladies," he snickers. He's shown chatting up various women who somehow manage to conceal their horror. "I'm definitely at that age? Where if I meet the right person? I'm going to go for it? So, who knows? But I'm still like, kind of young, so there's, like, no rush." He makes that squealing laugh of his. He and his buddies go to a party for Stuff magazine. ToolJosh passes a woman and tells her, "You're beautiful." He squeals some more. He talks to two girls and tells one of them that the other girl is very pretty. Women everywhere are just waiting with bated breath for ToolJosh to come around and validate their existence. He approaches some model from the back and tells her, "You're very beautiful." The model is like, "The hell?" and walks off with her boyfriend. ToolJosh gets the number of some glitter-smeared girl with a rhinestone-encrusted bandanna on her head, which I guess is hanky code for "Bottom Chickenhead." He programs her name into his cell phone. "My name is Liz," she says. "L-I, uh...Z?" says ToolJosh. "Yessss!" she giggles excitedly, because probably most guys she meets don't know the alphabet all the way to Z.

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Blonde on Blah

by Wendola June 11, 2002
The Hamptons, Part II Steven Gaines takes Robbie the Cognitive Dysfunctional Dog to the vet. Robbie drools profusely in the car. Gaines was going to have Robbie put to sleep, but he explains to the vet that he'd taken the dog to the beach for the last time; a neighbor woman saw him sobbing and told him that she didn't think Robbie needed to be put down yet. The vet agrees. Gaines decides he's just going to forget about plans to put down Robbie for now. Hey, so will Robbie! Gaines meets a friend for lunch and shows her a newspaper headline: one of the people Lizzie Grubman injured is suing her for $30 million. "She was partying with Tara Reid -- do you know who Tara Reid is?" Gaines asks his friend. She doesn't know. "Neither do I," says Gaines. Man, good for him. Later, Gaines takes flowers to the neighbor who talked him out of putting the dog to sleep. He asks her if she has a copy of his book Philistines in the Hedgerow, maybe because he wants to offer it as a gift, or maybe he just wanted to see if they bought it. Australian Neva and the rest of the Waitress Non-Stop Non-Drama Troupe have a house meeting. This wouldn't be a reality show without a house meeting, you know. Neva tells the Irish waitresses that she's been doing all the work around the house and is getting stuck with all the expenses. Dina the American waitress backs her up. Irish Waitress 1 mumbles, "You're treating us like you're the mother and we're like, the kids, and we got to be, like, equal, you know." Irish Waitress 2 just slouches and channels Aneesa. Night in East Hampton: The police chief and his son break up some fight downtown. About a dozen muttering nineteen-year-old guys are involved, but they take a tip from COPS and bust only the one without a shirt on. ToolJosh parties at his sharehouse: he wears a white bandanna on his head, which I'm pretty sure is gay hanky code for "Top Dickcheese." "It's definitely been a good summer for ladies," he snickers. He's shown chatting up various women who somehow manage to conceal their horror. "I'm definitely at that age? Where if I meet the right person? I'm going to go for it? So, who knows? But I'm still like, kind of young, so there's, like, no rush." He makes that squealing laugh of his. He and his buddies go to a party for Stuff magazine. ToolJosh passes a woman and tells her, "You're beautiful." He squeals some more. He talks to two girls and tells one of them that the other girl is very pretty. Women everywhere are just waiting with bated breath for ToolJosh to come around and validate their existence. He approaches some model from the back and tells her, "You're very beautiful." The model is like, "The hell?" and walks off with her boyfriend. ToolJosh gets the number of some glitter-smeared girl with a rhinestone-encrusted bandanna on her head, which I guess is hanky code for "Bottom Chickenhead." He programs her name into his cell phone. "My name is Liz," she says. "L-I, uh...Z?" says ToolJosh. "Yessss!" she giggles excitedly, because probably most guys she meets don't know the alphabet all the way to Z.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next

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