MONDO EXTRAS

Blonde on Blah

by Wendola June 11, 2002
The Hamptons, Part II

At the Friedmans' sharehouse, Cliff and Kira canoodle. He slurps all over her shoulders while she acts really annoyed; she's probably read The Rules Guide To Marriage: Keep Him Begging. "Why do I need kids? I've got Cliff," she says. I'm Jacqueline! is getting a little frustrated in her search for a man she, too, can infantilize. "I think there are not enough cute boys out," she says. Kira points out that I'm Jacqueline! is all, "My husband's going to be this and my husband is going to be that," and that she has this huge checklist. "I found Cliff when I stopped looking," Kira says. Then she slaps I'm Jacqueline! Or, I mean, I wish she would.

Alka-Seltzer sort of mopes around on a dock in Southampton. In an interview, she says that staying at the sharehouse "is just not, exactly, who I am." The people she's hanging out with still don't seem to know where Oregon is, really.

Eric Gaskins, The Gay Equestrian Designer Who Was Wearing An Old Kenyon Sweatshirt When He Met His Boyfriend Anton Who Was Wearing All Armani In Case You Care But You Don't, has his family come out to visit. "It's important that when they come out that we have a chance to just be with one another." Several minutes of footage of them all doing just that. That's interesting.

Hey, viewers! They don't just catch fish in the Hamptons! Sometimes they catch sharks. Which, you know, are fish that can kill you. That's more exciting, right? Right? Uh. Moving on.

Helen, of Helen and Ellen, works at her father's market. She's the boss. Two of the employees are fighting and she calms them down. We're actually pretty impressed with Helen.

The Bridgehampton Polo team practice their...er, polo-ing. Some polo coach guy says that a lot of people have this stereotype of polo as "this social rich man's sport," but he points out that, well, the horse groomsmen aren't rich, so really it's quite diverse, and did you know that the sport of polo has remained almost unchanged for almost two thousand years? Are you tingling? Right.

Steven Gaines talks about Robbie in the past tense. Apparently he had him put down. Aww! Robbie will always be a part of our memories. The part that...you know, doesn't remember. Gaines packs up all of Robbie's food and medicines and then he's like, "Oh, well, I guess I'll go to some more parties."

Meanwhile, the fishermen fish, but they catch too much fish: they're only allowed to keep seventy pounds of fish out of the four thousand pounds of fish they fish. So they have to throw back the fish. That's a lot of fish. Shovelfuls of fish. The boat is full of fish. The fishermen talk the fish, and about how stupid it is to throw back fish when homeless people in New York are starving. "They could eat a nice piece of fish!" they say. "There's nothing wrong with those fish," they say. "People eat those fish." It's important that you understand about the fish. Fish!

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Blonde on Blah

by Wendola June 11, 2002
The Hamptons, Part II At the Friedmans' sharehouse, Cliff and Kira canoodle. He slurps all over her shoulders while she acts really annoyed; she's probably read The Rules Guide To Marriage: Keep Him Begging. "Why do I need kids? I've got Cliff," she says. I'm Jacqueline! is getting a little frustrated in her search for a man she, too, can infantilize. "I think there are not enough cute boys out," she says. Kira points out that I'm Jacqueline! is all, "My husband's going to be this and my husband is going to be that," and that she has this huge checklist. "I found Cliff when I stopped looking," Kira says. Then she slaps I'm Jacqueline! Or, I mean, I wish she would. Alka-Seltzer sort of mopes around on a dock in Southampton. In an interview, she says that staying at the sharehouse "is just not, exactly, who I am." The people she's hanging out with still don't seem to know where Oregon is, really. Eric Gaskins, The Gay Equestrian Designer Who Was Wearing An Old Kenyon Sweatshirt When He Met His Boyfriend Anton Who Was Wearing All Armani In Case You Care But You Don't, has his family come out to visit. "It's important that when they come out that we have a chance to just be with one another." Several minutes of footage of them all doing just that. That's interesting. Hey, viewers! They don't just catch fish in the Hamptons! Sometimes they catch sharks. Which, you know, are fish that can kill you. That's more exciting, right? Right? Uh. Moving on. Helen, of Helen and Ellen, works at her father's market. She's the boss. Two of the employees are fighting and she calms them down. We're actually pretty impressed with Helen. The Bridgehampton Polo team practice their...er, polo-ing. Some polo coach guy says that a lot of people have this stereotype of polo as "this social rich man's sport," but he points out that, well, the horse groomsmen aren't rich, so really it's quite diverse, and did you know that the sport of polo has remained almost unchanged for almost two thousand years? Are you tingling? Right. Steven Gaines talks about Robbie in the past tense. Apparently he had him put down. Aww! Robbie will always be a part of our memories. The part that...you know, doesn't remember. Gaines packs up all of Robbie's food and medicines and then he's like, "Oh, well, I guess I'll go to some more parties." Meanwhile, the fishermen fish, but they catch too much fish: they're only allowed to keep seventy pounds of fish out of the four thousand pounds of fish they fish. So they have to throw back the fish. That's a lot of fish. Shovelfuls of fish. The boat is full of fish. The fishermen talk the fish, and about how stupid it is to throw back fish when homeless people in New York are starving. "They could eat a nice piece of fish!" they say. "There's nothing wrong with those fish," they say. "People eat those fish." It's important that you understand about the fish. Fish!

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