MONDO EXTRAS

Blonde on Blah

by Wendola June 11, 2002
The Hamptons, Part II

Robert Wilson, Really Artsy Theatrical Producer, is setting up some sort of weird production in the woods. "I'm a Libra -- I'm a person of many opposites," he says. Members of his troupe practice slow-motion pantomime. Wilson throws scraps of paper in slow motion. His production will involve an installation of five-thousand-year-old monoliths juxtaposed against a kitschy Russian fashion show. "Summer cannot exist without winter," he explains. "And Heaven cannot exist without Hell!" William Blake overhears this and puts his own eye out. Women in bright yellow dresses and wigs stand in the woods, and then there are all these little mirrors hanging in the woods, and then there's Wilson, and then there's a bunch of actors wearing muzzles over their mouths bopping each other with sticks shrieking "Ni! Ni!" which I guess represents the contiguous thought of Monty Python fans or something, and then there's a guy wearing green hot pants and a woman's shirt and a red paper beard going around with a plastic bucket hitting the other actors. Thematically, I think they're going with the "let's toss it out on the back porch and see if the dog eats it" plan here; or maybe it's the "let's extrude it on the credenza and see if the aardvark with the eyeball head combusts endlessly" plan. And then some really vapid-looking man who's attending the show says, "Ambiguity invites the viewer to participate in the performance, and I was right there with them!" and looks very pleased with himself for saying so. And then an actress pantomimes yawning in slow motion. And then naked people lie around on rectangles of sod. "When did you think this all up?" a guest asks Wilson. "This afternoon," says Wilson. Yeah. It all came out of his ass that fast.

I'm Jacqueline! has met someone, dear God -- someone tall, dark, and Jewish. They go to dinner and she reminds him that it's their fifth date: "But the thing is, once you go past the third date, things get a little fuzzy. Like, we're in a fuzzy area right now. Do you feel fuzzy?" Mr. Maybe says yes, he does feel a little fuzzy. "We're a little fuzzy," says I'm Jacqueline! She smiles coquettishly at him and puts her legs up on a chair near him. She goes on to analyze everything -- "the cuddling, the hair-touching -- don't you think that's really advanced for five dates?" "Well, I'm not like, 'you're my honey, you're my love,'" says Mr. Maybe. "I'm not?" says I'm Jacqueline! Jesus. "Why aren't you touching my legs?!" she asks him. He touches her legs. She really wants him to feel fuzzy, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

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Blonde on Blah

by Wendola June 11, 2002
The Hamptons, Part II Robert Wilson, Really Artsy Theatrical Producer, is setting up some sort of weird production in the woods. "I'm a Libra -- I'm a person of many opposites," he says. Members of his troupe practice slow-motion pantomime. Wilson throws scraps of paper in slow motion. His production will involve an installation of five-thousand-year-old monoliths juxtaposed against a kitschy Russian fashion show. "Summer cannot exist without winter," he explains. "And Heaven cannot exist without Hell!" William Blake overhears this and puts his own eye out. Women in bright yellow dresses and wigs stand in the woods, and then there are all these little mirrors hanging in the woods, and then there's Wilson, and then there's a bunch of actors wearing muzzles over their mouths bopping each other with sticks shrieking "Ni! Ni!" which I guess represents the contiguous thought of Monty Python fans or something, and then there's a guy wearing green hot pants and a woman's shirt and a red paper beard going around with a plastic bucket hitting the other actors. Thematically, I think they're going with the "let's toss it out on the back porch and see if the dog eats it" plan here; or maybe it's the "let's extrude it on the credenza and see if the aardvark with the eyeball head combusts endlessly" plan. And then some really vapid-looking man who's attending the show says, "Ambiguity invites the viewer to participate in the performance, and I was right there with them!" and looks very pleased with himself for saying so. And then an actress pantomimes yawning in slow motion. And then naked people lie around on rectangles of sod. "When did you think this all up?" a guest asks Wilson. "This afternoon," says Wilson. Yeah. It all came out of his ass that fast. I'm Jacqueline! has met someone, dear God -- someone tall, dark, and Jewish. They go to dinner and she reminds him that it's their fifth date: "But the thing is, once you go past the third date, things get a little fuzzy. Like, we're in a fuzzy area right now. Do you feel fuzzy?" Mr. Maybe says yes, he does feel a little fuzzy. "We're a little fuzzy," says I'm Jacqueline! She smiles coquettishly at him and puts her legs up on a chair near him. She goes on to analyze everything -- "the cuddling, the hair-touching -- don't you think that's really advanced for five dates?" "Well, I'm not like, 'you're my honey, you're my love,'" says Mr. Maybe. "I'm not?" says I'm Jacqueline! Jesus. "Why aren't you touching my legs?!" she asks him. He touches her legs. She really wants him to feel fuzzy, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10Next

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