MONDO EXTRAS

Da Doo Ron Ron Ron, Da Doo Ron Ron

by Miss Alli October 5, 2005
The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries: “The Mystery Of The Flying Courier”

Once upon a time in 1977, one-third of the way through the run of Happy Days, three years after the demise of The Brady Bunch, and long before many of you were born, there were The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries. Sunday nights. Great source material. The launch of a young man by the name of Shaun Cassidy. And, of course, Parker Stevenson, who would one day suffer the indignity of being remembered mostly for the time his erstwhile Scientolowife thanked him loudly and in public for "giving [her] the big one." I also want to let you know that you can indeed Netflix this sucker. Look for Disc 2.

"Bing (bing, bing, bing), Bing (bing, bing, bing)." That's the way the theme music goes, and if you ever watched this show, you would recognize it as soon as you heard it. There is a whole lot of monotone binging, in fact, as we pull back from an inscrutable close-up to reveal an overhead shot of a maze that is so clearly a miniature that I half-expect to see Fisher-Price people running around in it with their perfectly round heads and complete absence of limbs. "Wuh, wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuuuuuh, wuh," honks a horn as part of a score I believe was originally written to accompany a movie in which evil, genetically mutated Smurfs take control of the circus. And then there is more binging. "Bing (bing, bing, bing)." As a quasi-military march of sorts kicks up, we slide down and around on a "crane" shot, if by "crane" you mean "yardstick," so that we are looking at the maze from the side. The flashlight-moon hangs menacingly in the "sky."

As if by magic, two running superimposed figures emerge, then stop and turn away from us. The dorks went that-a-way! A book cover fades up in one of those effects you know was totally the shit in 1977, all dyed in blue against the black screen in that way that's probably much cooler if you combine it with Jefferson Airplane records. Mystery Of The Whale Tattoo, the book cover reads. (Not too difficult to solve. The answer to that "mystery" is a lot of whiskey, a friend with ten bucks, and a Moby Dick joke.) And then there is the equally shadowy figure of a young woman projected in the darkness, and she has a book cover superimposed over her, too. The Clue In The Crossword Cipher. My sister had that one. There is more running. The theme of the credit sequence is that the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew are very nervous individuals, constantly looking this way and that and then running off somewhere. I don't know how they get any detective work done when they're such nervous Nellies. And also that Nancy does her best crime-solving in her beige polyester pants. The stars of this series are Shaun Cassidy, Parker Stevenson, and -- although not this week -- young Pamela Sue Martin, who would never see this much success again, and who would spend her career explaining that, no, she did not have any idea what it might be like to be blind, because she did not actually play Mary Ingalls.

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Da Doo Ron Ron Ron, Da Doo Ron Ron

by Miss Alli October 5, 2005
The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries: “The Mystery Of The Flying Courier”

Once upon a time in 1977, one-third of the way through the run of Happy Days, three years after the demise of The Brady Bunch, and long before many of you were born, there were The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries. Sunday nights. Great source material. The launch of a young man by the name of Shaun Cassidy. And, of course, Parker Stevenson, who would one day suffer the indignity of being remembered mostly for the time his erstwhile Scientolowife thanked him loudly and in public for "giving [her] the big one." I also want to let you know that you can indeed Netflix this sucker. Look for Disc 2.

"Bing (bing, bing, bing), Bing (bing, bing, bing)." That's the way the theme music goes, and if you ever watched this show, you would recognize it as soon as you heard it. There is a whole lot of monotone binging, in fact, as we pull back from an inscrutable close-up to reveal an overhead shot of a maze that is so clearly a miniature that I half-expect to see Fisher-Price people running around in it with their perfectly round heads and complete absence of limbs. "Wuh, wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuuuuuh, wuh," honks a horn as part of a score I believe was originally written to accompany a movie in which evil, genetically mutated Smurfs take control of the circus. And then there is more binging. "Bing (bing, bing, bing)." As a quasi-military march of sorts kicks up, we slide down and around on a "crane" shot, if by "crane" you mean "yardstick," so that we are looking at the maze from the side. The flashlight-moon hangs menacingly in the "sky."

As if by magic, two running superimposed figures emerge, then stop and turn away from us. The dorks went that-a-way! A book cover fades up in one of those effects you know was totally the shit in 1977, all dyed in blue against the black screen in that way that's probably much cooler if you combine it with Jefferson Airplane records. Mystery Of The Whale Tattoo, the book cover reads. (Not too difficult to solve. The answer to that "mystery" is a lot of whiskey, a friend with ten bucks, and a Moby Dick joke.) And then there is the equally shadowy figure of a young woman projected in the darkness, and she has a book cover superimposed over her, too. The Clue In The Crossword Cipher. My sister had that one. There is more running. The theme of the credit sequence is that the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew are very nervous individuals, constantly looking this way and that and then running off somewhere. I don't know how they get any detective work done when they're such nervous Nellies. And also that Nancy does her best crime-solving in her beige polyester pants. The stars of this series are Shaun Cassidy, Parker Stevenson, and -- although not this week -- young Pamela Sue Martin, who would never see this much success again, and who would spend her career explaining that, no, she did not have any idea what it might be like to be blind, because she did not actually play Mary Ingalls.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16Next

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See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

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