MONDO EXTRAS

Da Doo Ron Ron Ron, Da Doo Ron Ron

by Miss Alli October 5, 2005
The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries: “The Mystery Of The Flying Courier”

Back at the dork table, now they're all tapping with their palms. It's like it's a rhythm-not-having contest or something. Unbelievable. Callie gets up and goes over to where Frank is staring after the departed Suzie. "Was it Suzie Wilkens?" she asks. "Yes," Frank says. "...and no." Did you see what they did there? Not just anyone can write dialogue like that. Frank grabs Callie's arm and they run out in pursuit of Suzie-Not-Suzie. And all of a sudden, Joe's band has a sax player. That's not a promising development.

Outside, Suzie-Not-Suzie is at her red Beetle when the sport coats from earlier approach and claim to be police officers. They tell her they need to ask some questions, and they ask her for her driver's license as Callie and Frank approach and look on. The "police" tell Suzie that they need to talk to her about some tapes. She's all, "Tapes? What tapes?," in exactly the way that makes people know you have the tapes, so they tell her to just give up where the tapes are. She feigns ignorance some more, and that makes them launch into the reading of her rights. Because when you're pretending to be a police officer, you can't forget the Miranda warning, or the pretend statements you pretend to extract during the pretend custodial interrogation won't be admissible at the pretend trial. Frank and Callie run to intervene. "Excuse me, I know this girl, maybe I can help," Frank says. Help...how? Hard to imagine. But in any event, Suzie-Not-Suzie claims never to have seen Frank before, and when Frank calls her "Suzie," she finally firmly denies that this is her name, and the "officer" confirms. He says that her name is Sandra Wofford. With that, Suzie-Not-Suzie is dragged off by the "cops."

Now, we move to the Hardy house, where Papa Hardy is on the phone with Frank, still at the club. HardyDad chastises the boy for being on a phone that sounds like it's "wired into an amplifier." Stupid rock and roll music. Such as it is. HardyDad tells Frank that he does remember Suzie, and how "her parents never got over the way she left home." Frank breaks it to HardyDad that he saw Suzie tonight at the disco. Frank reports that although he did talk to her, she denied being Suzie, and then the police took her. So Frank is really making his father proud, presumably. "Well, that should be easy to check," HardyDad says thoughtfully, referring to the "arrest." PapaHardy wants to know if Frank is sure that it was her, and Frank swears that it was -- looked like her and sounded like her. Must be her! HardyDad orders Frank to head over to "police headquarters" and find out what's going on, and then call him. And then HardyDad pauses. "I cared a lot about that case...about Suzie," he says, as if he is secretly Suzie's father or maybe was having an affair with her or something. "Yeah, me too," Frank says, and neither of them seems to think it's odd that the other has such an emotional attachment to this person nobody even seems to have known. I think they were both sleeping with her; that's my guess. But it's subtext. They hang up, and Frank tells Callie he'll be back. She protests his departure, all, "What about Joe?," as if Frank's going to miss out on some of the critical hip-wiggling. Frank asks her to "cover." He's headed over to take care of Suzie, so apparently Callie can go fuck herself, as Emergency Backup Girls have been doing for centuries. Fuck off, Frank, you insensitive bastard! Do you think she has nothing better to do than sit around while your obsessive ass chases some girl who wants nothing to do with you? What is wrong with you, Frank?

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Da Doo Ron Ron Ron, Da Doo Ron Ron

by Miss Alli October 5, 2005
The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries: “The Mystery Of The Flying Courier”

Back at the dork table, now they're all tapping with their palms. It's like it's a rhythm-not-having contest or something. Unbelievable. Callie gets up and goes over to where Frank is staring after the departed Suzie. "Was it Suzie Wilkens?" she asks. "Yes," Frank says. "...and no." Did you see what they did there? Not just anyone can write dialogue like that. Frank grabs Callie's arm and they run out in pursuit of Suzie-Not-Suzie. And all of a sudden, Joe's band has a sax player. That's not a promising development.

Outside, Suzie-Not-Suzie is at her red Beetle when the sport coats from earlier approach and claim to be police officers. They tell her they need to ask some questions, and they ask her for her driver's license as Callie and Frank approach and look on. The "police" tell Suzie that they need to talk to her about some tapes. She's all, "Tapes? What tapes?," in exactly the way that makes people know you have the tapes, so they tell her to just give up where the tapes are. She feigns ignorance some more, and that makes them launch into the reading of her rights. Because when you're pretending to be a police officer, you can't forget the Miranda warning, or the pretend statements you pretend to extract during the pretend custodial interrogation won't be admissible at the pretend trial. Frank and Callie run to intervene. "Excuse me, I know this girl, maybe I can help," Frank says. Help...how? Hard to imagine. But in any event, Suzie-Not-Suzie claims never to have seen Frank before, and when Frank calls her "Suzie," she finally firmly denies that this is her name, and the "officer" confirms. He says that her name is Sandra Wofford. With that, Suzie-Not-Suzie is dragged off by the "cops."

Now, we move to the Hardy house, where Papa Hardy is on the phone with Frank, still at the club. HardyDad chastises the boy for being on a phone that sounds like it's "wired into an amplifier." Stupid rock and roll music. Such as it is. HardyDad tells Frank that he does remember Suzie, and how "her parents never got over the way she left home." Frank breaks it to HardyDad that he saw Suzie tonight at the disco. Frank reports that although he did talk to her, she denied being Suzie, and then the police took her. So Frank is really making his father proud, presumably. "Well, that should be easy to check," HardyDad says thoughtfully, referring to the "arrest." PapaHardy wants to know if Frank is sure that it was her, and Frank swears that it was -- looked like her and sounded like her. Must be her! HardyDad orders Frank to head over to "police headquarters" and find out what's going on, and then call him. And then HardyDad pauses. "I cared a lot about that case...about Suzie," he says, as if he is secretly Suzie's father or maybe was having an affair with her or something. "Yeah, me too," Frank says, and neither of them seems to think it's odd that the other has such an emotional attachment to this person nobody even seems to have known. I think they were both sleeping with her; that's my guess. But it's subtext. They hang up, and Frank tells Callie he'll be back. She protests his departure, all, "What about Joe?," as if Frank's going to miss out on some of the critical hip-wiggling. Frank asks her to "cover." He's headed over to take care of Suzie, so apparently Callie can go fuck herself, as Emergency Backup Girls have been doing for centuries. Fuck off, Frank, you insensitive bastard! Do you think she has nothing better to do than sit around while your obsessive ass chases some girl who wants nothing to do with you? What is wrong with you, Frank?

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