The Regulators torch the woodpile at the last house standing. They seem to take a sick sense of pleasure in their work. Someone makes a joke about being ready for a cookout. Kansas screams, "Now listen up! You're the last ones. Now you were told to clear your hides out of here! What's wrong with you people?" Someone from inside screams: "You clear out of here!" The Regulators won't take no for an answer. The man inside screams, "We're going to give you one more chance!" The Regulators don't listen. One of them approaches the door; the woman of the house opens it, screams, "And that was it!" and then blows a hole in the guy's gut. This causes Kansas to get off his horse. The husband and wife scream for them to get off their property. Kansas orders the men to torch the house. But wait! Rising from the flames on the top of the house is none other than the Lone Freaking Ranger. Blah he was there at the massacre, blah his momma didn't raise no fool, blah he's back blah. The Regulators stand there stunned. Guns blaze. Shots are fired all over the place. Tonto jumps in and high-kicks some ass. He's martial-arts Apache. After taking down almost all of the Regulators, Tonto's got Kansas City by the neck. Luke walks toward them and says, "He's mine." Then he says to Kansas, "You're going to die." Kansas picks up a gun: "One of us is." Luke: "No. I'm already dead, remember." O. So. Poignant. Kansas tries to fire, but the gun doesn't go off -- he's out of bullets! Luke: "You should learn how to count." But just as Luke's about to shoot the bastard, Silver stands between the hero and his villain. Luke screams for Silver to get out of the way, but he won't, so of course Kansas City gets away. Tonto screams, "Why didn't you kill him when you had the chance?" Luke retorts, "Silver wouldn't let me!" Tonto: "Why is that?" Luke: "I don't know!" Tonto: "Well, you should, he's your spirit guide." Luke stares deep into Silver's magical eyes and sees fire, lots and lots of fire. Silver blinks. And we go to commercial.
Tonto investigates the dead man's boots. He says, "Hey! I found a shortcut to their camp." Luke leans down as Tonto pulls off pieces of grass, mud, and some wild rice as he explains the exact location of the Regulator camp. Smart guy, that Tonto. He can really read the signs. He opened up his eyes, and he saw the signs. Yawn. In fact, the wild rice is rare; it only grows near two lakes. Luke says, "Good. So that narrows it down to two places." Tonto replies, "One spot, Ranger, the other's on Apache land." Luke: "Wait. What did you call me?" They bicker about "Ranger" for a minute. Blah he's not a Ranger; blah don't call him that, blah his brother was a Ranger, blah keemosabe blah. They ride off into the darkness; they've got work to do! Oh, and no one actually goes into the house to see if the people are all right, and who knows how the fires stopped. Must have been magic. Yawn. Who pays attention to the details, eh?