MONDO EXTRAS

The Miracle Maker

by Omar G April 26, 2000
The Miracle Maker

Next we see some guy in tattered clothes by the river. He's basically the opening act for Jesus, who is about to come over and be the lamb of God. There's three Claymation guys with beards and long brown hair and any one of them could be Jesus. The only difference, it seems, is that Jesus is a little more buff and he uses bleach when he washes his robes. He comes down and explains to John that he's only doing his father's bidding. To prove it, he dunks his head under water and when he comes up, he's bathed in holy light and God starts talking out loud, so everybody can hear. "I delight in you," God says. Or rather, "I DELIGHT IN YOU. THIS IS MY BELOVED SON." Jesus shuts off the holy light and wanders off again, looking for some cohesive narrative.

We switch back to 2D for Jesus wandering through the desert and being told that he can use his mind to turn a rock into a loaf of bread. He's crawling and tired. It plays remarkably like the Yoda scenes from The Empire Strikes Back. We then see Jesus being offered many riches and refusing them in the name of Dad. He's asked by the Romans to prove God exists by jumping off a building. Jesus refuses. Because he's cool like dat.

Outside of town Jesus hooks up with his homie Lazarus, who looks dead tired, but is happy to see him anyway. They go to Lazarus' place where they sit around the campfire and discuss old times. Jesus' father Joseph died, leaving him some tools and a workshop, but Jesus decided he'd rather be The Messiah than schlep around fixing door hinges. Turns out he needs a whole different set of tools because he's building a whole new kingdom. Sounds like a heavy duty Black & Decker project.

In the fields the next day, Jesus is preaching. The girl Tamar recognizes him as that cool carpenter from Sepphoris. Jesus tells the gathered indirectly that if you don't listen to him you're kind of stupid. Like the man who built his house on sand instead of on a 2D animated piece of rock. "Build your house on the rock," Jesus says. You can even just buy a piece of it from Prudential if you can't afford the whole thing.

Next, we see Judas and some very bad looking guys huddling in the cave talking about his "precious Messiah." All of them talk in guttural, Cockney accents. Now, I know this is a BBC production, but isn't this the Middle East? Judas says, "They say he has... powers from God!" God may be powerful, but he's no match for KFC and Starburst. We go to commercial soon after.

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The Miracle Maker

by Omar G April 26, 2000
The Miracle Maker We cut to Jesus sleeping, and apparently dreaming of his own birth. We get a 2D animated scene with the Three Wise Men presenting their gifts. We come back to Mary, who looks much sadder as a Claymation figure. Next we see some guy in tattered clothes by the river. He's basically the opening act for Jesus, who is about to come over and be the lamb of God. There's three Claymation guys with beards and long brown hair and any one of them could be Jesus. The only difference, it seems, is that Jesus is a little more buff and he uses bleach when he washes his robes. He comes down and explains to John that he's only doing his father's bidding. To prove it, he dunks his head under water and when he comes up, he's bathed in holy light and God starts talking out loud, so everybody can hear. "I delight in you," God says. Or rather, "I DELIGHT IN YOU. THIS IS MY BELOVED SON." Jesus shuts off the holy light and wanders off again, looking for some cohesive narrative. We switch back to 2D for Jesus wandering through the desert and being told that he can use his mind to turn a rock into a loaf of bread. He's crawling and tired. It plays remarkably like the Yoda scenes from The Empire Strikes Back. We then see Jesus being offered many riches and refusing them in the name of Dad. He's asked by the Romans to prove God exists by jumping off a building. Jesus refuses. Because he's cool like dat. Outside of town Jesus hooks up with his homie Lazarus, who looks dead tired, but is happy to see him anyway. They go to Lazarus' place where they sit around the campfire and discuss old times. Jesus' father Joseph died, leaving him some tools and a workshop, but Jesus decided he'd rather be The Messiah than schlep around fixing door hinges. Turns out he needs a whole different set of tools because he's building a whole new kingdom. Sounds like a heavy duty Black & Decker project. In the fields the next day, Jesus is preaching. The girl Tamar recognizes him as that cool carpenter from Sepphoris. Jesus tells the gathered indirectly that if you don't listen to him you're kind of stupid. Like the man who built his house on sand instead of on a 2D animated piece of rock. "Build your house on the rock," Jesus says. You can even just buy a piece of it from Prudential if you can't afford the whole thing. Next, we see Judas and some very bad looking guys huddling in the cave talking about his "precious Messiah." All of them talk in guttural, Cockney accents. Now, I know this is a BBC production, but isn't this the Middle East? Judas says, "They say he has... powers from God!" God may be powerful, but he's no match for KFC and Starburst. We go to commercial soon after.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8Next

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