MONDO EXTRAS

The Miracle Worker

by Pamie November 11, 2000
The Miracle Worker

Setting: Hollywood, California. Chez stee. Stee and pamie sit on the couch, an audio tape recorder in front of them. The following is a recap, peppered with their comments. Note: they were both totally sober during the whole show.

First of all, the opening sequence for The Wonderful World of Disney might be the scariest thing ever.

Stee: Stee: Okay, it's starting. Uh, I'm scared, frankly.

Pamie: Man. It's a new Wonderful World of Disney intro. We didn't have this last week.

Stee: Look, if there was a Tinkerbell flying through my house, I wouldn't, like, smile and follow it. I'd call 9-1-1.

Pamie: What if Moesha showed up?

Stee: I'd run screaming.

Secondly, we are going on the assumption that pretty much everyone already knows the story of The Miracle Worker. If not, time to read a book.

Pamie: What's funny is that in all the posters for The Miracle Worker, they're hugging, and the only person making eye contact is Hallie Kate Eisenberg. She's staring right at you.

Stee: I wonder how they're going to work a plug for Disneyland into a period piece. "Aye. I imagine a place in Florida in the future..."

Pamie: "That's your friend Mickey, Helen. M-I-C-K-E-Y."

Stee: "S-P-A-C-E M-O-U-N-T-A-I-N." Wow, it's a great way to start a Disney family movie by showing slaves...

We open to slaves picking cotton in a field, just like every heart-warming Disney epic begins. Slaves. Horses. Piano music. Birds whistling. Slaves. Perfect loaves of bread in a basket. The white man rides the white horse. The black men ride the black horses.

Pamie: Are they going to break out into song?

Stee: Oh man, it's David Strathairn as Cap'n Keller.

Pamie: What if this is so bad we become speechless?

Stee: Yeah, knowing us, I don't see that happening.

Pamie: Well, we were pretty silent after the Growing Pains movie.

Stee: That's because we were both sad for our ruined childhoods.

Percy runs by playing the endlessly fun game "See How Long I Can Keep This Metal Circle Going With Just A Stick." Another child is playing on the grass in front of him.

Stee: Now, how is this a fun game?

Dear Lord. Here comes Pepsi Girl. Her Helen is basically a living China doll, complete with stiff arms and a scary walk. You know how you'd be afraid to go to sleep at night because you were sure that antique doll your grandmother sent you for your birthday would come alive at night and suck your breath? Yeah, just like that. Pepsi Girl rounds the corner, looking up at the sky so she doesn't accidentally watch where she's going. Percy is on one knee trying to fix his metal circle, which has lost its groove. Pepsi Girl finds Percy and immediately jams her fingers into his mouth. This causes the other girl to stop making paper dolls and get in on the action. The kids push Pepsi Girl and yell at her to stop repeatedly, but since she can't hear, it's not doing much good. As Percy and the other girl debate the reasons that Pepsi Girl would want to put her fingers in her mouth, PG launches into her first of many tantrums that involve squealing while rocking her body back and forth. This is hard for her to do because sometimes she ends up looking right at the camera. Incredibly bad editing takes us back and forth between PG and Percy as Percy thinks PG's "gone crazy." The young girl runs over to PG with a pair of scissors and demands she stop her tantrum. Giant catfight ensues with PG getting the pair of scissors and narrowly missing the young girl's head.

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The Miracle Worker

by Pamie November 11, 2000
The Miracle Worker Setting: Hollywood, California. Chez stee. Stee and pamie sit on the couch, an audio tape recorder in front of them. The following is a recap, peppered with their comments. Note: they were both totally sober during the whole show. First of all, the opening sequence for The Wonderful World of Disney might be the scariest thing ever. Stee: Stee: Okay, it's starting. Uh, I'm scared, frankly. Pamie: Man. It's a new Wonderful World of Disney intro. We didn't have this last week. Stee: Look, if there was a Tinkerbell flying through my house, I wouldn't, like, smile and follow it. I'd call 9-1-1. Pamie: What if Moesha showed up? Stee: I'd run screaming. Secondly, we are going on the assumption that pretty much everyone already knows the story of The Miracle Worker. If not, time to read a book. Pamie: What's funny is that in all the posters for The Miracle Worker, they're hugging, and the only person making eye contact is Hallie Kate Eisenberg. She's staring right at you. Stee: I wonder how they're going to work a plug for Disneyland into a period piece. "Aye. I imagine a place in Florida in the future..." Pamie: "That's your friend Mickey, Helen. M-I-C-K-E-Y." Stee: "S-P-A-C-E M-O-U-N-T-A-I-N." Wow, it's a great way to start a Disney family movie by showing slaves... We open to slaves picking cotton in a field, just like every heart-warming Disney epic begins. Slaves. Horses. Piano music. Birds whistling. Slaves. Perfect loaves of bread in a basket. The white man rides the white horse. The black men ride the black horses. Pamie: Are they going to break out into song? Stee: Oh man, it's David Strathairn as Cap'n Keller. Pamie: What if this is so bad we become speechless? Stee: Yeah, knowing us, I don't see that happening. Pamie: Well, we were pretty silent after the Growing Pains movie. Stee: That's because we were both sad for our ruined childhoods. Percy runs by playing the endlessly fun game "See How Long I Can Keep This Metal Circle Going With Just A Stick." Another child is playing on the grass in front of him. Stee: Now, how is this a fun game? Dear Lord. Here comes Pepsi Girl. Her Helen is basically a living China doll, complete with stiff arms and a scary walk. You know how you'd be afraid to go to sleep at night because you were sure that antique doll your grandmother sent you for your birthday would come alive at night and suck your breath? Yeah, just like that. Pepsi Girl rounds the corner, looking up at the sky so she doesn't accidentally watch where she's going. Percy is on one knee trying to fix his metal circle, which has lost its groove. Pepsi Girl finds Percy and immediately jams her fingers into his mouth. This causes the other girl to stop making paper dolls and get in on the action. The kids push Pepsi Girl and yell at her to stop repeatedly, but since she can't hear, it's not doing much good. As Percy and the other girl debate the reasons that Pepsi Girl would want to put her fingers in her mouth, PG launches into her first of many tantrums that involve squealing while rocking her body back and forth. This is hard for her to do because sometimes she ends up looking right at the camera. Incredibly bad editing takes us back and forth between PG and Percy as Percy thinks PG's "gone crazy." The young girl runs over to PG with a pair of scissors and demands she stop her tantrum. Giant catfight ensues with PG getting the pair of scissors and narrowly missing the young girl's head.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

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