Pamie: Okay, this is my beef with The Miracle Worker. She got her to sit in the chair...utensils: tomorrow.
Stee: You know, we should do this as a drinking game. Every time Helen makes eye contact with someone, we drink.
Pamie: We'd have been passed out half an hour ago.
Stee: Thank god she didn't have waffles too, so she'd need a knife. That's a whole other ten minutes.
What's happening now?
Pamie: You have not seen The Miracle Worker before.
Stee: I have!
Pamie: Our whole friendship is a sham.
The spoon is dropped. Annie hands PG a spoon. The spoon is dropped. Annie hands PG a spoon. The spoon is dropped. Spoon is thrown. Spoon is thrown. Spoon is thrown. Spoon is thrown. Annie tries to force PG to pick up the spoon and take it back to her chair. Wrestling ensues. Spoon is thrown. Eggs are tossed. Tantrums abound. Spoon is thrown. PG looks at the spoon in front of her face and flinches. Spoon is thrown. Flinching. Flinching. Shot of eggs. PG is force-fed a spoonful of eggs. Egg spit take. Pitcher of water in PG's face. Another spoonful is eaten. Annie spells out "good" and nods her head. PG grabs the top of Annie's hair, which somehow lowers the two of them to the ground so PG is on top of Annie, groaning and moaning. Annie somehow can't get a fifty-pound eight-year-old off of her. Hair-pulling. Wrestling. It's really not as sexy as it sounds.
Outside, Mrs. Keller sits with the Perfect Baby and wishes she were on any other Disney special. The head houselady walks outside and asks if she should start preparing lunch even though the breakfast dishes haven't been cleared. They add the clock tower bell for effect, here. The baby makes eye contact with us and starts crying. We know, kid. We know. An eggy PG runs outside and hides behind a plant. Mrs. Keller runs up to her and puts PG in an embrace. An eggy Annie walks out and declares, "Helen ate from her own plate with a spoon all by herself. And she folded her napkin." Annie goes up to her room as Mrs. Keller coddles PG. All is joyous over the folded napkin.
Annie and Mrs. Keller have a chat in Annie's room about Helen's chances. "What are you reading?" asks Mrs. Keller.
Stee: "A wee bodice-ripper."
Nothing interesting happens here, and stee can't stop staring at Annie's corset line. Annie talks about her younger brother who died when she was a kid.
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17Next
Cue ShittyFlute. Annie wanders among some trees, as the sounds of ShittyFlute often prompt people to do. She stumbles upon a cottage in the acres of Keller Manor, takes off her glasses, and exhales.
Captain tells Mrs. Keller that he wants Annie out of the house. Annie walks in and demands to use the cottage to teach Helen. Captain: "If you're going to stay here, there's going to have to be a change in your attitude."
"And your accent."
Captain asks Annie to take off her glasses. Much wincing and "I can't see" facial expressions ensue until Annie puts the lightest sunglasses ever back on. Annie says that it's hopeless to teach Helen in that house because everyone else coddles Helen. Mrs. Keller mentions that Helen could talk before the fever, but leaves out the important part where she only knew the word for water. Whatever. Annie leads Mr. and Mrs. Keller to the cottage.
Only the bed has cobwebs, so the place should be fine, but it's quite dirty.
And I'm going to teach Helen the word for "rats."
And "spider bites."
Man, why are the parents protesting? They were about to get rid of her.
I know. This is like a vacation.
Annie demands complete charge of Helen day and night. More Fists of Determination and Squints of Conviction. Annie tells the Kellers that she and her brother grew up in an asylum ("Our playroom was the dead house where they kept the bodies until they could dig the graves.") and that she doesn't want to send Helen there. Captain gives her two weeks. Mrs. Keller offers Percy to run errands. Annie accepts.
The cottage is now spotless and fully furnished. James drops off Annie's things and asks why Annie has no pity for Helen. Annie says pity is a waste of energy and feeling sorry for oneself is even worse. James tells her he hopes she wins. I hope that boy learns to shave soon.
Long carriage ride. PG is dumped off at the cottage, spotlessly dressed in blue. PG bumps around inside the house, flinching and looking towards Blindville until she finds a box full of toys. She signs "whore," and Mrs. Keller says, "Oh, she wants me." Annie says she can have her back in two weeks. PG bumps around signing "whore" for a while as the Kellers leave. PG goes into an immediate body-flinging tantrum and instantly destroys all glass in the house. Why would you -- oh, forget it. More pantaloons and yelling.
What's wrong with Annie's butt? It's huge.
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next