MONDO EXTRAS

The Miracle Worker

by Pamie November 11, 2000
The Miracle Worker

Stee: Oh, we got an extra fortune cookie.

Pamie: Open it. Maybe it'll have a recap already written inside.

Dinner. Captain and Mrs. Keller tell James to call Annie down for supper, and James informs them that Helen locked Annie in her room and ran off with the key. Mrs. Keller checks PG (who is sitting at the well, holding the doll and looking away) but finds nothing. Captain asks Annie if there is a key in her room. He tells James to take the ladder away. Mrs. Keller says they can't keep Annie locked up. Captain tells James to bring the ladder back. Captain Keller climbs the ladder and demands Annie sit on his shoulder so he can carry her down. She wants to go down the ladder on her own, of course, but that just simply wasn't done in Captain Keller's day, so she'll just have to sit on his shoulder. She does. The slaves laugh. Annie says she'll find the key. Captain sends everyone back to work. James says he'll leave the "l-a-d-d-e-r."

Stee: Man, he needs to get bitchslapped. Wise-ass.

Pamie: You've never seen The Miracle Worker, have you? You can tell me.

Stee: I told you, I saw a four-hour Meisner Technique stage production of it in New York where the pancake scene took twenty-five minutes alone.

Pamie: Right. Because she just wouldn't eat the pancakes.

Stee: People in the audience were actually yelling at Helen, "Eat the fucking pancakes!" Meisner, gone terribly wrong.

Stee: When Meisner Attacks!

Annie walks over to Helen and quietly watches her check the area for people (done with the foolproof arm-jut since PG doesn't realize that a sense of smell would be used here). PG pulls the key out of her mouth and places it in a loose plank on the well. Annie tells PG she's not going to get rid of her easily.

Later, Annie tries to write a letter, but PG stumbles over and knocks over the jar of ink.

Stee: Have you ever read your letter out loud as you wrote it? "Aye, that was a good letter."

Pamie: "I was usin' the good accent."

Stee: "Trillin' me 'R's."

Annie places PG's hand in the ink and spells it out for her. She hands her the pen and spells that out as well. PG pricks her finger on the pen, sits down with a grunt, stares at the camera, and quickly flashes back to Blindville. She sticks her finger in her mouth, grunts, and starts beating the doll on the ground. She looks like Evil. I'm scared. Annie checks PG's finger. It's fine. PG then picks up a glass pitcher (Why is there still glass in the Keller household?) and smashes it against the door in slow motion.

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The Miracle Worker

by Pamie November 11, 2000
The Miracle Worker Later, Annie tries to write a letter, but PG stumbles over and knocks over the jar of ink. Stee: Have you ever read your letter out loud as you wrote it? "Aye, that was a good letter." Pamie: "I was usin' the good accent." Stee: "Trillin' me 'R's." Annie places PG's hand in the ink and spells it out for her. She hands her the pen and spells that out as well. PG pricks her finger on the pen, sits down with a grunt, stares at the camera, and quickly flashes back to Blindville. She sticks her finger in her mouth, grunts, and starts beating the doll on the ground. She looks like Evil. I'm scared. Annie checks PG's finger. It's fine. PG then picks up a glass pitcher (Why is there still glass in the Keller household?) and smashes it against the door in slow motion. Pamie: Here we go. Pepsi Girl's gonna get smacked. Stee: Let's see Aretha Franklin save her now. Mrs. Keller walks in to find Annie spelling "Bad girl" while PG goes into another moaning tantrum. Annie tells Mrs. Keller that Helen is smart "and angry" and that she's going to break through eventually. Mrs. Keller asks to learn the alphabet. Annie says she'll start teaching her tomorrow. PG then pricks Annie with the pen and goes into a tantrum. Mrs. Keller swoops PG into her arms and feeds her a candy. Annie asks why PG gets a reward for being bad. Mrs. Keller says she doesn't know and apologizes. Commecial. Seven-Up spot. Stee: Man, I'd rather see Orlando Jones as Helen Keller. And here it is. The breakfast scene. Endlessly long. Small chit chat as PG tries not to make eye contact with anything. She doesn't have a place setting but instead runs from person to person grabbing eggs and sausage off of plates and shoving food into her mouth. Pamie: Oh, c'mon. She knows this room backwards and forwards. Stee: Look! I think the Kellers have a Golden Globe on the shelf back there. Pamie: Well, certainly not for this. PG is in pink and very clean. Always with a ribbon or a hat in her hair. I can't even keep a pair of pantyhose from getting a run for five minutes, and I'm supposed to believe this heathen child can keep a gown and petticoat spotless after running around all day and night? Right. There's something about watching scrambled eggs being shoved in a mouth that makes me very nauseous. Annie doesn't want PG to steal from her plate and the family goes into an argument about how the family just lets PG eat whatever she wants. Oh, whatever. You know this part. Blah, blah, blah your pity hurts Helencakes. PG is on the floor rolling on her back in a full tantrum. I didn't think it was possible, but this is worse than any Pepsi commercial ever. PG is making crazy eye contact all over the place. After about five minutes of indignation, Annie kicks the rest of the Keller household out of the room so she can teach PG how to eat like a good girl. Oh, God. That tantrum is disturbing. All pantaloons and moaning. ["Stee, isn't that the name of your seventh album?" -- pamie] Now, first of all, we're completely stoked about this scene. The only reason we agreed to recap this movie was to see Pepsi Girl get the repeated smackdown. Who wouldn't want to see her get smashed in the face repeatedly? And get paid for it? Brilliant! Annie locks all of the doors and clears a place for PG at the table. PG stares at the food but Annie pulls it away before PG's hand juts out.

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