Mondo Extra
The Mists Of Avalon, Part Two

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
The sun never sets on the TNT Original Movie
Meanwhile, Arthur and Gwen are talking to King Uriens of North Wales, who is elderly, feeling his oats, and wanting an Anna Nicole of his very own. He is the father of Accolon, with whom Margulaine got busy at Beltane and with whom she is currently dancing joyfully. Gwenhwyfar offers Margulaine, knowing that Uriens (these names!) won't pass on that sweet young thing, and knowing that it's a political move too, since she is the sister of the High King. Gwen is a freak bitch. Arthur's kind of like, yeah, that sounds okay, I guess, only not! Uriens kisses him some royal patootie. Gwen, who has been totally watching Margulaine dancing with her one chance at happiness in this world, offers to ask her. There's some verbal jiggery-pokery on Gwen's part that results in Margulaine thinking that Sir Accolon is asking for her hand instead of his father, while Arthur thinks that King Uriens has already pitched some woo because Margulaine's so happily blasé about saying okay. He's "happy" for her, only not really, because he thinks she has lost her mind. They announce it, and everybody -- except Gwen, who engineered the whole thing, King Uriens, whose enlarged prostate is doing a happy little wedding dance, and Arthur, who is sometimes a little challenged mentally -- realizes what a terrible mistake has been made. Gwen grins, and you can see little canary feathers sticking out of her mouth because she is pleased with herself to an amazing degree. Margulaine, Sir Accolon, and Merlin all make oh crap faces. Margulaine starts to marvel once more at the power of the Harvest Home Womyn's Collective until she remembers that for once it's somebody else ruining her life. Back at the Harvest Home Womyn's Collective, Vivarin is giving Merlin ye olde bitch-out, because another feature of Gwen's mean little plan is that there is now no one in Camelot who gives a whatever about the Goddess, since Margulaine is moving to North Wales to live with her little old husband. Understand, she is not upset that her niece is having yet another in an infinite series of Really Bad Days, but only that her main lobbyist (who HATES HER, don't forget) is being sent out of Britain's political center. Vivarin looks lovely in a flowing feminine dress, apparently having gotten tired of dressing like someone's pack mule all the time. In order to make her stop yelling at him, Merlin shivers over to a conspicuously convenient deathbed and begins to think about whether dying would shut her up. The curiously out-of-touch Merlin and Vivarin decide that Mordred is their best hope. Because they are the two most powerful people in this corner of the world and Vivarin has demonstrated her amazing psychic superpowers more than once, but cannot see the big black cloud of kingdom-obliterating doom hanging over her double-nephew.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17Next

Mondo Extra

Comments

Mondo Extra
The Mists Of Avalon, Part Two

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
The sun never sets on the TNT Original Movie

Vivarin wonders if they've wasted their lives, and Merlin replies with some stuff that makes no sense, and he's talking slower and slower about "live with passion" this and "find a little joy in life" that, and delivers some kind of WTF statement about how the Goddess lives in our humanity. Vivarin begins weeping copiously, and we figure out Merlin is dead. How can she tell? Then she sobs really loudly for a long time, because having your only living fan die in front of you is hard on ye olde ego. Then Raven, the main bald womyn of the island, gets behind Vivarin and kneels and tries really hard to cry but gets distracted by some Mists that are filling up the abbey. She walks around all tripped out because there is heavy-duty Mist all over the place. Raven is upset because she hates Jamie Lee Curtis movies and this is just like the one called The Fog. There's more Mist and more Raven and more sobbing. I think it's supposed to be portentous, but I don't get it. It's fog. The thing is called The Mists Of Avalon, for Pete's sake.

Margulaine tells us that she was only ever happy in North Wales with her ancient husband, and that when Sir Accolon came to visit, it was just like a family. I understand that, with all her experiences, she might be confused about what families are actually like, but I think any family where the woman was tricked into marrying the husband because she had a hard-on for the son is decidedly non-standard. There's a sexually charged scene involving Margulaine, her son, and a bird of prey. Happy little family. Meanwhile, Mordred is growing up to be creepy as all get out, into "a manhood that would destroy [them] all." Vivarin appears to Mordred, tells him he has to be the Harvest Home Womyn's Collective's main champ, and then without prelude informs him of his status as Incest Bastard. He takes this news rather well, apparently having figured out that Vivarin set up the whole thing. He makes some really embarrassing summer-stock faces, and I can't even really look at him as he froths, "Yes. I have the power...I can bend men to my will!" There is more related Dr. Doom speechifying before he agrees to fight for Vivarin.

The next scene happens really fast. Incest Bastard runs into the Orkney dungeon where the Queen of Mean is hanging out and yells at her for not telling him about the whole incest deal, and then the Queen of Mean tells him to go to Camelot and discredit Arthur through his wife -- like that would be hard -- and then there's another embarrassing frothing monologue about how he wishes he could see his mother and father as just people instead of mythical superfreaks and how gods and goddesses mess up everything, and then he decides to kill Arthur, and then he laughs weirdly, and then he starts drinking even though it's only 10:30 in the morning.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

Mondo Extra

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP