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The MTV Video Music Awards

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
In the Name of God, MTV, and The Fans
Stee: Yes. Kenny. Usher and some chick from Planet of the Apes walk on to utter silence and indifference as the evening's Bathroom Break occurs. The girl confesses that she'd never heard Usher's album before today. So, Usher breaks out in song, asking which single she liked. He tells her that he didn't see her movie either, and asks that they make up. They hug and we can get on with people that are more important. The nominees for Best R&B Video: 112 "Peaches and Cream"; Destiny's Child "Survivor"; Sunshine Anderson "Heard It All Before"; R. Kelly "I Wish"; and Jill Scott "Gettin' In the Way."
Stee: Is this the chick who's a Canadian synchronized swimmer? Pamie: Who. Usher? Stee: Yeah, dude. Usher is a Canadian synchronized swimmer. Ray: That's Geena Davis. Stee: Geena Davis is a skeet shooter. Pamie: I wish she'd shoot Skeet Ulrich. Stee: That's what skeetshooters should do. Right now they're wasting their time with them clay pigeons. Stee: Look at the turtles fucking with the bird on it! Pamie: I'm tired. Stee: Can that be the title of this recap? "Turtles Fucking With The Bird On It"? Wait, isn't that already a song from Oklahoma!?
Destiny's Child wins, as is the law. The girls act just as shocked as they did on the Teen Choice Awards, and slowly walk their way up to the stage in giant orange American Indian tents so we can hear as much of the song as possible. Kelly leans in and passes out on the podium. They thank the Knowleses one by one, as if they aren't related to Beyoncé. God got thanked like, sixth. Beyoncé takes a nap in her weave. Michelle gives a shout-out to her mom and dad, and then checks with Beyoncé that it was okay.
Pamie: The poor girls are so fucking tired. "Thought I would be napping, now, but I'm rehearsing. Thought I'd get a hotel room, but now I'm working." Stee: "Hello, front desk. I'd like a wakeup call, for Tuesday." Pamie: "I'd like to thank hair extensions so no one knows I'm bald. We'd like to thank the Care Bears for being here today and making me laugh. I'd like...zzzzzzzzzzzzz."
Mark Wahlberg announces that DMX didn't show up for the third year in a row. DMX runs in and acts like he's out of breath. Mark casually asks when DMX's new album drops. It drops soon, thank you very much, and it's called The Great Depression. DMX asks whether Mark Wahlberg has a movie coming out. Well, it just so happens he has a film opening the very next day, and it's called Rock Star. What a coincidence! Mark tells DMX he "cops" him, and DMX doesn't know what Mark's talking about with his movie, so Mark introduces Bostonites Staind.

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Mondo Extra
The MTV Video Music Awards

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
In the Name of God, MTV, and The Fans

Stee: No, I mean. His name.
Pamie: Kenny.
Stee: Yes. Kenny.

Usher and some chick from Planet of the Apes walk on to utter silence and indifference as the evening's Bathroom Break occurs. The girl confesses that she'd never heard Usher's album before today. So, Usher breaks out in song, asking which single she liked. He tells her that he didn't see her movie either, and asks that they make up. They hug and we can get on with people that are more important. The nominees for Best R&B Video: 112 "Peaches and Cream"; Destiny's Child "Survivor"; Sunshine Anderson "Heard It All Before"; R. Kelly "I Wish"; and Jill Scott "Gettin' In the Way."

Stee: Is this the chick who's a Canadian synchronized swimmer?
Pamie: Who. Usher?
Stee: Yeah, dude. Usher is a Canadian synchronized swimmer.
Ray: That's Geena Davis.
Stee: Geena Davis is a skeet shooter.
Pamie: I wish she'd shoot Skeet Ulrich.
Stee: That's what skeetshooters should do. Right now they're wasting their time with them clay pigeons.
Stee: Look at the turtles fucking with the bird on it!
Pamie: I'm tired.
Stee: Can that be the title of this recap? "Turtles Fucking With The Bird On It"? Wait, isn't that already a song from Oklahoma!?

Destiny's Child wins, as is the law. The girls act just as shocked as they did on the Teen Choice Awards, and slowly walk their way up to the stage in giant orange American Indian tents so we can hear as much of the song as possible. Kelly leans in and passes out on the podium. They thank the Knowleses one by one, as if they aren't related to Beyoncé. God got thanked like, sixth. Beyoncé takes a nap in her weave. Michelle gives a shout-out to her mom and dad, and then checks with Beyoncé that it was okay.

Pamie: The poor girls are so fucking tired. "Thought I would be napping, now, but I'm rehearsing. Thought I'd get a hotel room, but now I'm working."
Stee: "Hello, front desk. I'd like a wakeup call, for Tuesday."
Pamie: "I'd like to thank hair extensions so no one knows I'm bald. We'd like to thank the Care Bears for being here today and making me laugh. I'd like...zzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26Next

Mondo Extra

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