Mondo Extra
The MTV Video Music Awards

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
In the Name of God, MTV, and The Fans
Pamie: Jewel! We're going back in time. Stee: Jamba Juice. Pamie: Jewel and Jamba Juice. Stee: Who did Jewel blow to get on stage tonight? Pamie: Jon Bon Jovi. Man, she looks like Lee Lee Sobleeblee. Stee: Yeah she does. Talk about rode hard and put away wet, Ray. Ray: She's kinda cute. Stee: No, I'm talking about Jon Bon Jovi.
Moulin Poo wins and the girls slither up to the stage, hugging and clutching each other like they can't wait to go back to licking each other's skin as soon as this show's over. "The big hair paid off," Christina tells us. They thank a bunch of people. Mya remembers to thank Patti Labelle, but nobody else knows who that is. Pink thanks everyone who thought they'd make good whores. Lil' Kim tells God to bless them, and then suddenly they remember to thank God, MTV, and the fans. God came, like, nineteenth this time.
Stee: Can we watch Jay Leno right now? Pamie: Leno would be good. Stee: I think Letterman would make me laugh too hard in sheer comparison. Pamie: You gotta start slow. Stee: I think Tim Robbins's kids are going to win something. Why else are they there? Pamie: Jesus. Just get up there, girls. Pink's dick is dragging behind her. Christina Aguilera has turned into...shit! Uh, the kid who dances. Billy Elliott! Stee: You know, if Pink's pussy is diseased, Christina has a little Missy head in her vagina. Pamie: Now, that's gross. Wing, do a poll. Which is grosser: Pink having stalactites in her pussy, or Christina having a little Missy head in her vagina?
Carson Daly leads the U2 retrospective. He speaks of U2 as if they're the rock group that cured cancer. U2 makes babies shinier. They make mouthwash work faster. They write the songs that make the whole world sing. "Rock stars they are and God bless them for that," Carson tells us. We watch the video retrospective of U2 for their Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. The segment ends, the stage rises, the sound of U2 blares, we can hear Bono but...there's just one person on stage, and he just took off his guitar and walked away. The stage is empty. It quiets. Everything is fucked up. Commercial. Carson re-introduces U2 and they take the stage again. Pause, pause, pause, problem, pause. They play their song. There's really nothing more to say about that.
Pamie: "I will now begin lip-synching my arse off." Man, everyone is in trouble, from the casting people...

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Mondo Extra

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Mondo Extra
The MTV Video Music Awards

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
In the Name of God, MTV, and The Fans

Pamie: Jewel! We're going back in time.
Stee: Jamba Juice.
Pamie: Jewel and Jamba Juice.
Stee: Who did Jewel blow to get on stage tonight?
Pamie: Jon Bon Jovi. Man, she looks like Lee Lee Sobleeblee.
Stee: Yeah she does. Talk about rode hard and put away wet, Ray.
Ray: She's kinda cute.
Stee: No, I'm talking about Jon Bon Jovi.

Moulin Poo wins and the girls slither up to the stage, hugging and clutching each other like they can't wait to go back to licking each other's skin as soon as this show's over. "The big hair paid off," Christina tells us. They thank a bunch of people. Mya remembers to thank Patti Labelle, but nobody else knows who that is. Pink thanks everyone who thought they'd make good whores. Lil' Kim tells God to bless them, and then suddenly they remember to thank God, MTV, and the fans. God came, like, nineteenth this time.

Stee: Can we watch Jay Leno right now?
Pamie: Leno would be good.
Stee: I think Letterman would make me laugh too hard in sheer comparison.
Pamie: You gotta start slow.
Stee: I think Tim Robbins's kids are going to win something. Why else are they there?
Pamie: Jesus. Just get up there, girls. Pink's dick is dragging behind her. Christina Aguilera has turned into...shit! Uh, the kid who dances. Billy Elliott!
Stee: You know, if Pink's pussy is diseased, Christina has a little Missy head in her vagina.
Pamie: Now, that's gross. Wing, do a poll. Which is grosser: Pink having stalactites in her pussy, or Christina having a little Missy head in her vagina?

Carson Daly leads the U2 retrospective. He speaks of U2 as if they're the rock group that cured cancer. U2 makes babies shinier. They make mouthwash work faster. They write the songs that make the whole world sing. "Rock stars they are and God bless them for that," Carson tells us. We watch the video retrospective of U2 for their Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. The segment ends, the stage rises, the sound of U2 blares, we can hear Bono but...there's just one person on stage, and he just took off his guitar and walked away. The stage is empty. It quiets. Everything is fucked up. Commercial.

Carson re-introduces U2 and they take the stage again. Pause, pause, pause, problem, pause. They play their song. There's really nothing more to say about that.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26Next

Mondo Extra

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