MONDO EXTRAS

Camelot? Well...Not Really.

by Omar G December 15, 2003
The Reagans, Part II

Oh my God. "I Love the Nightlife" is playing as a young man on a stage is strutting his stuff for adoring ladies on a Solid Gold-like stage. Nancy has the same reaction as me as she and Ronnie watch the performance on the TV, eating from matching TV trays and wearing the same white shirt and red sweater combo. "Well, you gotta admit she's talented," Ronnie says. Patti is offstage on the TV show, eyeing the male stripper. "This is pornography," Nancy says prudishly. Nancy doesn't know why Patti would do this to her dad. Ronnie cheerfully says it could help her get a start in show business.

We cut to Patti in bed with her luvah (it's not the guitar-totin' Bernie this time), watching the same movie; the luvah asks what her parents will think of it. She doesn't care. (Except that she totally does.) She says she only sees her parents on TV and in magazines these days anyway. Same old Patti. Her beau says he'll have to meet them someday, since they'll be the grandparents of their children. Dude, are you sitting down? Good. Maybe you should stand up for this. Patti is alarmed. Her guy says he's always wanted a nice house and lots of kids. At least five. Yeah, good luck with that buddy. You know, if you have one more, you get a six-pack discount at the theme parks. Patti has a major "oh shit" moment.

Cut to the White House where Patti has broken the news to Nancy that she wants to marry this yoga instructor. (Nancy's gotta love that.) He grew up in a trailer park, too. Patti tells Nancy that she wants to be the woman this guy wants. She says she knows that's pathetic. Nancy touches her face and says she doesn't think that's pathetic at all. Patti's been researching this tube-tying thing, and says there are other women like her who want to have them reversed. Patti says she has to find a doctor to do it, and that it's very expensive. Nancy stands up for this sermon so that she can get her whole diaphragm into it. She says that Patti's always hated everything her father stands for. But when she needs dad's money, she always comes back to be rescued. Patti says she only asked to be loved. Nancy says she and Ronnie do love her. Patti rolls her eyes. Nancy agrees to make some calls. Nancy says they'll find someone to do it, and they won't pay for it. It'll be a loan. That seems to make Patti happy, for once. Nancy continues the lecture. She says that she and Ronnie worked hard for their money. So hard for you, honey. She says that Patti should work for hers. How about a tell-all book? That's good work, if you can get it. Nancy digs the knife in a little deeper by asking if Patti's going to wear white for her wedding.

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Camelot? Well...Not Really.

by Omar G December 15, 2003
The Reagans, Part II Oh my God. "I Love the Nightlife" is playing as a young man on a stage is strutting his stuff for adoring ladies on a Solid Gold-like stage. Nancy has the same reaction as me as she and Ronnie watch the performance on the TV, eating from matching TV trays and wearing the same white shirt and red sweater combo. "Well, you gotta admit she's talented," Ronnie says. Patti is offstage on the TV show, eyeing the male stripper. "This is pornography," Nancy says prudishly. Nancy doesn't know why Patti would do this to her dad. Ronnie cheerfully says it could help her get a start in show business. We cut to Patti in bed with her luvah (it's not the guitar-totin' Bernie this time), watching the same movie; the luvah asks what her parents will think of it. She doesn't care. (Except that she totally does.) She says she only sees her parents on TV and in magazines these days anyway. Same old Patti. Her beau says he'll have to meet them someday, since they'll be the grandparents of their children. Dude, are you sitting down? Good. Maybe you should stand up for this. Patti is alarmed. Her guy says he's always wanted a nice house and lots of kids. At least five. Yeah, good luck with that buddy. You know, if you have one more, you get a six-pack discount at the theme parks. Patti has a major "oh shit" moment. Cut to the White House where Patti has broken the news to Nancy that she wants to marry this yoga instructor. (Nancy's gotta love that.) He grew up in a trailer park, too. Patti tells Nancy that she wants to be the woman this guy wants. She says she knows that's pathetic. Nancy touches her face and says she doesn't think that's pathetic at all. Patti's been researching this tube-tying thing, and says there are other women like her who want to have them reversed. Patti says she has to find a doctor to do it, and that it's very expensive. Nancy stands up for this sermon so that she can get her whole diaphragm into it. She says that Patti's always hated everything her father stands for. But when she needs dad's money, she always comes back to be rescued. Patti says she only asked to be loved. Nancy says she and Ronnie do love her. Patti rolls her eyes. Nancy agrees to make some calls. Nancy says they'll find someone to do it, and they won't pay for it. It'll be a loan. That seems to make Patti happy, for once. Nancy continues the lecture. She says that she and Ronnie worked hard for their money. So hard for you, honey. She says that Patti should work for hers. How about a tell-all book? That's good work, if you can get it. Nancy digs the knife in a little deeper by asking if Patti's going to wear white for her wedding.

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