MONDO EXTRAS

Camelot? Well...Not Really.

by Omar G December 15, 2003
The Reagans, Part II

Hallway at the White House. Zeljko is advising Ed Meese and James Baker that when they brief Ronnie, they should make things colorful and sexy, and use lots of analogies. He suggests comparing things to movie scenes. "He's an actor," Meese (ladies flock to him like geese!) says. "Never forget he's an actor." A secretary informs them that General Haig already started a meeting without them. Not good.

Inside, a filmstrip is running as Haig briefs the president about Muammar Gadhafi. When the stuff broke with Libya in the mid-'80s, you would not believe how much shit I caught for having the name "Omar." It sucked, y'all. Haig -- who looks a lot like Spy Daddy from Alias -- tells Ronnie that Muammar Gadhafi makes Castro look like Mr. Rogers. Well, Castro is our neighbor. "What is this? Sesame Street?" Baker asks Zeljko. Ronnie seems to be drawing circles as Haig informs the POTUS (ooh, I get to use "POTUS"!) that Brezhnev is interested in starting talks for a nuclear freeze. Man, is it getting dense in here, or is it just me? "A freeze, huh?" Ronnie asks.

Haig shifts his attention to the trio that just entered. "The troika finally arrives!" he announces. Ass. He asks if they're going to sit or just stand there and make snide remarks. Yeah, I guess "Sesame Street" was a little snide. Ronnie, out of nowhere, says it's like Armageddon. He says that, in the Bible, it's predicted that Russia will be defeated by a leader from the West. Which Bible is that? He goes on that Jesus Christ will triumph in the creation of a new Heaven and Earth. "Well, sir. If it's Armageddon you want, just say the word," Haig says. Haig says he'll pave over Russia, Libya, and Cuba, too. Oh, come on, that's just silly dialogue now. Ronnie asks if he can do that -- put up painting stripes and be back by the 4th of July. All right, Ronnie is officially losing it already. Zeljko sighs. Haig suggests that they tone down the rhetoric, at least publicly. Ron leans forward. "I don't give a damn about rhetoric! I want the Reds to know that this place is under new management!" Ah. Oh. Haig says that, in light of that, he's written an exploratory letter to Brezhnev. Haig brings it to Ronnie and says that all he has to do is sign it. Ronnie says he writes his own letters. Haig protests that it's his job to do this. Ronnie cuts him off and says Haig's a great Secretary of State, but that Ronnie's going to write Brezhnev personally. Ronnie says he wants to have a summit, and he doesn't want to "freeze" weapons; he wants to eliminate them. Haig says they can't eliminate them. Ronnie says they can if they build a weapon that will scare the hell out of them. Whaaaaa? Haig asks what that would be. Ronnie says it's his new missile defense system. Oh lord. Ronnie says it's going to change the course of history. And it only uses six AA batteries.

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Camelot? Well...Not Really.

by Omar G December 15, 2003
The Reagans, Part II Hallway at the White House. Zeljko is advising Ed Meese and James Baker that when they brief Ronnie, they should make things colorful and sexy, and use lots of analogies. He suggests comparing things to movie scenes. "He's an actor," Meese (ladies flock to him like geese!) says. "Never forget he's an actor." A secretary informs them that General Haig already started a meeting without them. Not good. Inside, a filmstrip is running as Haig briefs the president about Muammar Gadhafi. When the stuff broke with Libya in the mid-'80s, you would not believe how much shit I caught for having the name "Omar." It sucked, y'all. Haig -- who looks a lot like Spy Daddy from Alias -- tells Ronnie that Muammar Gadhafi makes Castro look like Mr. Rogers. Well, Castro is our neighbor. "What is this? Sesame Street?" Baker asks Zeljko. Ronnie seems to be drawing circles as Haig informs the POTUS (ooh, I get to use "POTUS"!) that Brezhnev is interested in starting talks for a nuclear freeze. Man, is it getting dense in here, or is it just me? "A freeze, huh?" Ronnie asks. Haig shifts his attention to the trio that just entered. "The troika finally arrives!" he announces. Ass. He asks if they're going to sit or just stand there and make snide remarks. Yeah, I guess "Sesame Street" was a little snide. Ronnie, out of nowhere, says it's like Armageddon. He says that, in the Bible, it's predicted that Russia will be defeated by a leader from the West. Which Bible is that? He goes on that Jesus Christ will triumph in the creation of a new Heaven and Earth. "Well, sir. If it's Armageddon you want, just say the word," Haig says. Haig says he'll pave over Russia, Libya, and Cuba, too. Oh, come on, that's just silly dialogue now. Ronnie asks if he can do that -- put up painting stripes and be back by the 4th of July. All right, Ronnie is officially losing it already. Zeljko sighs. Haig suggests that they tone down the rhetoric, at least publicly. Ron leans forward. "I don't give a damn about rhetoric! I want the Reds to know that this place is under new management!" Ah. Oh. Haig says that, in light of that, he's written an exploratory letter to Brezhnev. Haig brings it to Ronnie and says that all he has to do is sign it. Ronnie says he writes his own letters. Haig protests that it's his job to do this. Ronnie cuts him off and says Haig's a great Secretary of State, but that Ronnie's going to write Brezhnev personally. Ronnie says he wants to have a summit, and he doesn't want to "freeze" weapons; he wants to eliminate them. Haig says they can't eliminate them. Ronnie says they can if they build a weapon that will scare the hell out of them. Whaaaaa? Haig asks what that would be. Ronnie says it's his new missile defense system. Oh lord. Ronnie says it's going to change the course of history. And it only uses six AA batteries.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23Next

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