MONDO EXTRAS

Camelot? Well...Not Really.

by Omar G December 15, 2003
The Reagans, Part II

Flashback to a young lifeguard in water, struggling to get to the surface. Lifeguarding sucks when you've just taken a bullet.

Ronnie wakes up with a tube in his mouth. Nancy, who is there waiting, smiles and tells him the bullet's been removed, and that Ronnie is stronger than a man half his age. Nancy says she wasn't surprised. She always knew it. A Secret Service agent tells Nancy that they need to think about getting her back to the White House. She says she's not going anywhere, and that she'll sleep on the couch. The doctor advises her to go home. Nancy refuses. The doctor -- who seems to be on some sort of power trip today -- tells her that she's to leave immediately. He won't allow her to stay. Hey, she's the First Lady. What's with this shit? Nancy finally relents. Unhappily.

At Michael's house. John Hinckley Jr. is on TV. He looks a bit like Meat Loaf with the long hair. Michael complains that the he can't look at that guy's face anymore. He asks for the remote. Ron Jr. raises it. "As of now, I am in control here!" he bellows. Not funny, dude. Maureen is disgusted that Hinckley shot her dad to impress Jodie Foster. Ron Jr. tells her to wait till Dad hears he was shot by a deranged movie fan: "He'll love it." Ron Jr.'s wife asks if it might change Ronnie's mind about gun control. Ron Jr. says it shouldn't, since his approval ratings have never been higher. "Oh, that's sick," says Maureen. Patti, sitting alone and being cool with the cigarette, says disgustedly, "What is it with this family that even a bullet can't bring us together, huh?" Oh, weak.

Nancy is on the phone with Christina (yes, she used an astrologer, we get it), very emotional even as her two gay bitches (as in "they're her bitches," not, "they are in and of themselves bitches") are primping her. The one wearing an all-white suit is doing her hair. The dude in all black is working la face. Nancy's almost crying. But then Christina gives her a date or number or something and Nancy starts writing something down between sniffles. The 3rd, 5th, 6th, and 28th are all dangerous days. Nancy thanks Christina for that. Next time, Christina will pass on some numbers from the back of a fortune that came out of a cookie. Tony the hairdresser tells Nancy not to be scared, because it's not Ronnie's time. "You're so sweet, Tony," Nancy says. She grabs his hand and wishes that all her children were as sweet. Or as stylish.

Hospital room. "You look good, Dad," Maureen lies. "Yeah, Dad, you look really good," Michael says. So Michael's a suck-up. Nancy looks annoyed. Ron Jr. asks if the nurses are pretty. He's so manly now. He's going to beat up an orderly here in a second and eat some raw meat. Nancy reads something that Ronnie scrawls on a little notepad: "All in all, I'd rather be in Philadelphia." Everyone chuckles. Ronnie starts coughing. Nancy tells him to calm down and let the respirator work. Ron Jr. calms his dad down by reminding him of the time they went scuba diving together.

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Camelot? Well...Not Really.

by Omar G December 15, 2003
The Reagans, Part II Flashback to a young lifeguard in water, struggling to get to the surface. Lifeguarding sucks when you've just taken a bullet. Ronnie wakes up with a tube in his mouth. Nancy, who is there waiting, smiles and tells him the bullet's been removed, and that Ronnie is stronger than a man half his age. Nancy says she wasn't surprised. She always knew it. A Secret Service agent tells Nancy that they need to think about getting her back to the White House. She says she's not going anywhere, and that she'll sleep on the couch. The doctor advises her to go home. Nancy refuses. The doctor -- who seems to be on some sort of power trip today -- tells her that she's to leave immediately. He won't allow her to stay. Hey, she's the First Lady. What's with this shit? Nancy finally relents. Unhappily. At Michael's house. John Hinckley Jr. is on TV. He looks a bit like Meat Loaf with the long hair. Michael complains that the he can't look at that guy's face anymore. He asks for the remote. Ron Jr. raises it. "As of now, I am in control here!" he bellows. Not funny, dude. Maureen is disgusted that Hinckley shot her dad to impress Jodie Foster. Ron Jr. tells her to wait till Dad hears he was shot by a deranged movie fan: "He'll love it." Ron Jr.'s wife asks if it might change Ronnie's mind about gun control. Ron Jr. says it shouldn't, since his approval ratings have never been higher. "Oh, that's sick," says Maureen. Patti, sitting alone and being cool with the cigarette, says disgustedly, "What is it with this family that even a bullet can't bring us together, huh?" Oh, weak. Nancy is on the phone with Christina (yes, she used an astrologer, we get it), very emotional even as her two gay bitches (as in "they're her bitches," not, "they are in and of themselves bitches") are primping her. The one wearing an all-white suit is doing her hair. The dude in all black is working la face. Nancy's almost crying. But then Christina gives her a date or number or something and Nancy starts writing something down between sniffles. The 3rd, 5th, 6th, and 28th are all dangerous days. Nancy thanks Christina for that. Next time, Christina will pass on some numbers from the back of a fortune that came out of a cookie. Tony the hairdresser tells Nancy not to be scared, because it's not Ronnie's time. "You're so sweet, Tony," Nancy says. She grabs his hand and wishes that all her children were as sweet. Or as stylish. Hospital room. "You look good, Dad," Maureen lies. "Yeah, Dad, you look really good," Michael says. So Michael's a suck-up. Nancy looks annoyed. Ron Jr. asks if the nurses are pretty. He's so manly now. He's going to beat up an orderly here in a second and eat some raw meat. Nancy reads something that Ronnie scrawls on a little notepad: "All in all, I'd rather be in Philadelphia." Everyone chuckles. Ronnie starts coughing. Nancy tells him to calm down and let the respirator work. Ron Jr. calms his dad down by reminding him of the time they went scuba diving together.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23Next

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