MONDO EXTRAS

Camelot? Well...Not Really.

by Omar G December 15, 2003
The Reagans, Part II

Hallway. Nancy, wearing a yellow business suit, asks a secretary what she knows about the Gridiron Club. The woman says it's a Washington press club that has a roast every year for the POTUS and First Lady. She says it's a little rough, but that they don't mean anything by it. Nancy says of course not. She's there as Haig walks out of the tense meeting. "Hello, Al," she says. "Yeah," he answers, storming off. Prick! Inside the room, as Nancy walks in, Ronnie is blowing his top. "I'm the goddamn President of the United States!" he yells. Zeljko asks why Ronnie didn't say that to Haig. Meese, who looks like he's eaten a few raw chickens in his day, says that Haig keeps putting his head on the chopping block, and Ronnie needs to cut it off. Tower says that George Schultz would make a great Secretary of State. Ronnie starts to walk off. "Siiiiir!" Tower whines. "If you don't mind, this administration has to pee!" Ronnie says as he leaves the room. He's so Forrest Gump. After Ronnie leaves, Tower -- who's beginning to sound like Foghorn Leghorn -- asks if he's ever fired anyone face-to-face. Nancy says no. "Only me," Zeljko says sadly. Oh, poor widdle Zeljko.

Late-night TV watching. Ronnie is drinking some milk. Nancy comes to him and says that Al Haig has got to go. Just like Ronnie had to go in the last scene, I think. Ronnie says Haig's not so bad; he just gets a little worked up. Nancy asks whether Ronnie knows what happened when he was in the hospital. He knows about the power grab, but says that's not so bad. Nancy says that Haig wants to control everything he does. Nancy rails that he doesn't like what Ronnie does, and wants to control foreign policy. Nancy says that Ronnie can't work with him. Ronnie's watching an old war movie. Nancy stands in front of the TV in her red robe. She says that if Ronnie doesn't get rid of Haig, it'll look like he's afraid of him. Ronnie says he's not. Nancy says that's how it looks to his staff. Nancy makes the case for peacemaker George Schultz. Nancy says that Ronnie has to be the bad guy, for once. She says he'll never end the Cold War if.... "All right!" Ronnie finally says, tired of the nagging. He gets the message.

The Moment of Haigination. The troika is in the hall, whispering quietly like they're in third grade talking about Wendy Peterson. Haig walks by them and into the Oval Office. Ronnie is sitting. Haig starts right in, saying he's delivering two letters: one detailing all the interference he's suffered in foreign affairs. The second letter is a love letter. Do you like Al Haig? Check yes or no. Ronnie pulls out the ace from his hole: he's got a letter for Al Haig too -- a "fuck you very much" letter. Haig looks worried. He reads the letter from Ronnie as Ron pours himself some water and looks nervous. Haig asks what this is about. Ronnie says that the U.S. will always be grateful to Al for the work he's done. "But I...I haven't resigned yet," Haig says. Sucks when your bluff is called, don't it, gambler? Ronnie says he has resigned. Al insists that he hasn't. Ronnie says Haig can always go back to his own office and draft his own version of the letter. Haig takes off his glasses and asks if they can't talk about it. I love you, Ronnie Reagan! I didn't mean to hurt you! Let's...go on a vacation together! I'll never hurt you again. Yeah! Let's put all this behind us, Tina Turner...er, "Ronnie Reagan"! Ronnie starts to ignore Haig and says he has some phone calls he has to make. Haig turns into a tiny, tiny man, with a little shriveled penis, and says he doesn't want to resign. "I want to stay," he says pathetically. Ron is like, sure, sure, whatever, and asks if Haig would stick around until they confirm his successor.

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Camelot? Well...Not Really.

by Omar G December 15, 2003
The Reagans, Part II Hallway. Nancy, wearing a yellow business suit, asks a secretary what she knows about the Gridiron Club. The woman says it's a Washington press club that has a roast every year for the POTUS and First Lady. She says it's a little rough, but that they don't mean anything by it. Nancy says of course not. She's there as Haig walks out of the tense meeting. "Hello, Al," she says. "Yeah," he answers, storming off. Prick! Inside the room, as Nancy walks in, Ronnie is blowing his top. "I'm the goddamn President of the United States!" he yells. Zeljko asks why Ronnie didn't say that to Haig. Meese, who looks like he's eaten a few raw chickens in his day, says that Haig keeps putting his head on the chopping block, and Ronnie needs to cut it off. Tower says that George Schultz would make a great Secretary of State. Ronnie starts to walk off. "Siiiiir!" Tower whines. "If you don't mind, this administration has to pee!" Ronnie says as he leaves the room. He's so Forrest Gump. After Ronnie leaves, Tower -- who's beginning to sound like Foghorn Leghorn -- asks if he's ever fired anyone face-to-face. Nancy says no. "Only me," Zeljko says sadly. Oh, poor widdle Zeljko. Late-night TV watching. Ronnie is drinking some milk. Nancy comes to him and says that Al Haig has got to go. Just like Ronnie had to go in the last scene, I think. Ronnie says Haig's not so bad; he just gets a little worked up. Nancy asks whether Ronnie knows what happened when he was in the hospital. He knows about the power grab, but says that's not so bad. Nancy says that Haig wants to control everything he does. Nancy rails that he doesn't like what Ronnie does, and wants to control foreign policy. Nancy says that Ronnie can't work with him. Ronnie's watching an old war movie. Nancy stands in front of the TV in her red robe. She says that if Ronnie doesn't get rid of Haig, it'll look like he's afraid of him. Ronnie says he's not. Nancy says that's how it looks to his staff. Nancy makes the case for peacemaker George Schultz. Nancy says that Ronnie has to be the bad guy, for once. She says he'll never end the Cold War if.... "All right!" Ronnie finally says, tired of the nagging. He gets the message. The Moment of Haigination. The troika is in the hall, whispering quietly like they're in third grade talking about Wendy Peterson. Haig walks by them and into the Oval Office. Ronnie is sitting. Haig starts right in, saying he's delivering two letters: one detailing all the interference he's suffered in foreign affairs. The second letter is a love letter. Do you like Al Haig? Check yes or no. Ronnie pulls out the ace from his hole: he's got a letter for Al Haig too -- a "fuck you very much" letter. Haig looks worried. He reads the letter from Ronnie as Ron pours himself some water and looks nervous. Haig asks what this is about. Ronnie says that the U.S. will always be grateful to Al for the work he's done. "But I...I haven't resigned yet," Haig says. Sucks when your bluff is called, don't it, gambler? Ronnie says he has resigned. Al insists that he hasn't. Ronnie says Haig can always go back to his own office and draft his own version of the letter. Haig takes off his glasses and asks if they can't talk about it. I love you, Ronnie Reagan! I didn't mean to hurt you! Let's...go on a vacation together! I'll never hurt you again. Yeah! Let's put all this behind us, Tina Turner...er, "Ronnie Reagan"! Ronnie starts to ignore Haig and says he has some phone calls he has to make. Haig turns into a tiny, tiny man, with a little shriveled penis, and says he doesn't want to resign. "I want to stay," he says pathetically. Ron is like, sure, sure, whatever, and asks if Haig would stick around until they confirm his successor.

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