Stee: Denim. Pamie: Britney didn't even bother. Stee: Is king. Pamie: That outfit was worn by so many girls at the roller rink in my junior high in Jackson, Mississippi. That is a Jackson, Mississippi, DQ ho's outfit. Stee: What's this video? Pamie: Mila Kunis is in it. Meeeelaaah Kuuuuneees. Stee: Is that Shannyn Sossamon? Pamie: Eat my cooties. Meet my tooties. Stee: You're twelve. Pamie: Five. Stee:What's a Lifehouse? Are they Christian? Bosie: Yeah, they are. Stee: Christian or Canadian. Pamie: I bet you love Uncle Kracker. Bosie: I do. Pamie: Ugh! I knew it! Bosie: I saw them open for Kid Rock. It was free. Yeah! Limp Bizkit! Limp Bizkit better win so I can see him. Pamie: They won't. Stee: They're not there. They won't win. Pamie: Because they're not there. Bosie: Huh? Stee: If they're not there, they didn't win. See Steven Tyler all pretending like he didn't know? Bosie: That's the only reason why they came? Because they knew they won something? Pamie: She looks like we just explained the Tooth Fairy. Bosie: Shut up.Aerosmith wins. Steven Tyler babbles about having two surfboards. He tries to connect with the kids by talking about getting kicked out of high school, which was fifty years ago, easy. They leave. Carrot Top comes out, supposedly with Mariah Carey. It's a dummy which he lays down, pretending Mariah is tired. He does standup. This is sad. He has a sampler or something, because music starts playing as he does his schtick. He does Aerosmith singing with *NSYNC, using actual music and dancing around. They show people in the audience fucking stone-faced. Sarah Michelle Gellar looks positively embarrassed for Carrot Top. So does *NSYNC. J.Lo has no expression. His only tiny good joke is about Britney sounding like she's trying to start her car. He talks about Metallica doing a Britney song and music starts and he sings "Oops..." like he's Metallica. It's terrible. This is just...where did Carrot Top come back from? Why? Who can we blame? He says, "That's it for me, thank God." But then he stays, and intros Choice Sleazebag. Sam Rockwell in Charlie's Angels, The Rock in The Mummy Returns, Rick Yune in The Fast and The Furious, John Lithgow in Shrek. Hee, if John Lithgow wins we'll... no, it's The Rock. We're not done with him either, yet? Carrot Top pulls off his shirt to reveal a painted-on, buffed chest shirt and he leaves; The Rock tells everyone to wait until next year, and leaves.
Bosie: Man, that girl's got a big smile.
Pamie: Nobody applauded you, Meghan Green.
Stee: "Hee. Whee. Heh-heh! Hoo! No? Okay."
Bosie: Heartbreakers? I've never heard of it.
Stee: Yeah, you and America.
Pamie: Bosie's singing to Shania Twain over there.
Bosie: Shut up. There are some things that I like.
Pamie: This just in!
The winner is Julia Stiles. J.Lo mean mugs her. Stiles also wins for Choice Fight Scene. Her nipples are hard as she accepts her surfboard. Her pinchy little face tells us that she "literally" called her mom to quit the film because she couldn't dance, but didn't. She says she's not bootylicious and leaves. They tease shit, including The Rock and Beyoncé with Justin Timberwhatever. Commercials.
Stee: She won "Fight Scene"? In what? "Choice Nipples."
Pamie: So much screaming. I hate the word "literally."
Stee: She "literally" called her mom.
Pamie: I hate that word.
Pamie: I hate "literally" and "you know what?" I hate both of them.
Stee: My mom's mad because I keep figuratively calling her.
Pamie:: "You know what? I was so thirsty yesterday I literally drank water." That's it. That's my most hated sentence ever.
Stee: I can literally see her nipples.
Pamie: When is Justin's voice going to change?
Stee: Yeah, I know. He sounds like Beyoncé.
Pamie: I'm exhausted.
Bosie: I just say "literally" when I want someone to know that I'm not being sarcastic.
Britney Spears comes out by herself, wearing a weird white cotton/denim combo thing with her titties hanging out, of course. What would she be without them? One girl in the audience stands. Britney reads about rock and roll and the award is for Choice Rock Track. "Jaded" by Aerosmith. "Hanging By A Moment" by Lifehouse. "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker. "My Way" by Limp Bizkit.
Pamie: Britney didn't even bother.
Stee: Is king.
Pamie: That outfit was worn by so many girls at the roller rink in my junior high in Jackson, Mississippi. That is a Jackson, Mississippi, DQ ho's outfit.
Stee: What's this video?