Pamie: Why is Carrot Top still around? Stee: I know. He does college tours. Pamie: That's no excuse. Stee: Oh. Pamie: Whoa. Stee: Oh, my God. Pamie: Yikes. No! That's so not funny! Stee: I know! Pamie: Look how everyone hates him! That's what brings the world together. It's what we all have in common. We all hate Carrot Top. Stee: What'd he say? Pamie: Oops, I did it again. Stee: Oh, fuck , I hate Carrot Top. Pamie: Who are those people? Stee: Mandy Moore and her boyfriend. There's Sisqo with his face cancer. Pamie: I can't believe you recognized Sisqo with a baseball cap over his eyes and a Band-Aid over his face. Stee: Sam Rockwell is cool. Pamie: Why isn't Vin Diesel the Choice Sleazebag? Stee: I want John Lithgow to win. Pamie: He's not there. Bosie: Stupid Rock. Stee: Punch him! Just punch him, Rock! Pamie: Hit him with the surfboard. Gain my respect, Rock. Hit Carrot Top in the eye. Stee: Poke Carrot Top in the eye.Next is Ben Affleck and Tony Hawk and Usher, who will perform, and we go now to commercials, once again. During the commercials, they tease Temptation Island 2. Crap. We forgot about that for a second. Crap.
Pamie: Tony Hawk! Stee: He's cool. Bosie: Oh, man. How old is he? Is he fifty? Stee: He's thirty-three. Pamie: He's gotta be older than that. Stee: He's face-planted about a thousand times. Is that Cedric the Entertainer? Pamie: I think so. Stee: I'm gonna call myself Stee the Actor/Writer.We're back. Two ladies from Mad TV come out with the chick from Grounded For Life -- the daughter who yells a lot because someone once told her it was amusing. People in the audience pretend they care. They do a sketch where they said they hosted the High School Awards last night, and they show The Lunch Lady winner and Choice Teacher Hottie. It's terrible. Choice TV Drama. 7th Heaven, Dawson's Creek, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Boston Public.
Stee: Who and what? Pamie: Huh? Bosie: I like her.
Pamie: Mila Kunis is in it. Meeeelaaah Kuuuuneees.
Stee: Is that Shannyn Sossamon?
Pamie: Eat my cooties. Meet my tooties.
Stee: You're twelve.
Stee:What's a Lifehouse? Are they Christian?
Bosie: Yeah, they are.
Stee: Christian or Canadian.
Pamie: I bet you love Uncle Kracker.
Bosie: I do.
Pamie: Ugh! I knew it!
Bosie: I saw them open for Kid Rock. It was free. Yeah! Limp Bizkit! Limp Bizkit better win so I can see him.
Pamie: They won't.
Stee: They're not there. They won't win.
Pamie: Because they're not there.
Stee: If they're not there, they didn't win. See Steven Tyler all pretending like he didn't know?
Bosie: That's the only reason why they came? Because they knew they won something?
Pamie: She looks like we just explained the Tooth Fairy.
Bosie: Shut up.
Aerosmith wins. Steven Tyler babbles about having two surfboards. He tries to connect with the kids by talking about getting kicked out of high school, which was fifty years ago, easy. They leave.
Carrot Top comes out, supposedly with Mariah Carey. It's a dummy which he lays down, pretending Mariah is tired. He does standup. This is sad. He has a sampler or something, because music starts playing as he does his schtick. He does Aerosmith singing with *NSYNC, using actual music and dancing around. They show people in the audience fucking stone-faced. Sarah Michelle Gellar looks positively embarrassed for Carrot Top. So does *NSYNC. J.Lo has no expression. His only tiny good joke is about Britney sounding like she's trying to start her car. He talks about Metallica doing a Britney song and music starts and he sings "Oops..." like he's Metallica. It's terrible. This is just...where did Carrot Top come back from? Why? Who can we blame? He says, "That's it for me, thank God." But then he stays, and intros Choice Sleazebag. Sam Rockwell in Charlie's Angels, The Rock in The Mummy Returns, Rick Yune in The Fast and The Furious, John Lithgow in Shrek. Hee, if John Lithgow wins we'll... no, it's The Rock. We're not done with him either, yet? Carrot Top pulls off his shirt to reveal a painted-on, buffed chest shirt and he leaves; The Rock tells everyone to wait until next year, and leaves.