Pamie: Are the Popstars dancing behind Usher? Stee: No. Pamie: Yes. Stee: No, those are just whores. Pamie: No, those are the Popstars. Stee: No, they aren't. There's no black Popstar. Pamie: Oh. If you go, like, just the three on the left, they look like the Popstars. Stee: Oh, my God. Pamie: Us-ah you mouth. Stee: Here's a question for the kids out there. 8701 is the name of the new album. What does that mean? Pamie: That he was born in January of 1987? Stee: Um. Pamie: Because he's all, like, eight? Stee: Yes. Pamie: Usher's actually twelve. Stee: Maybe backwards it's 1078. You know? Maybe he was born in October of 1978. And he's your sister's age. Fourteen. Pamie: Fourteen! Stee: Us-ah can dance! Pamie: You can't tell under all that fog. Stee: He's a good dancer. Pamie: What's that little hashmark after Sisqo's name? Bosie: Is it really so hard to say "Jennifer Lopez"? Because "J.Lo" really sucks. Pamie: Who are those girls? Stee: Random hos.We're back with Erika Christensen, who is dressed in Ren Faire garb, looking like she gained weight, along with Tony Hawk, who awkwardly gives a speech for Choice Extreme Athlete, before they intro Choice Movie Actor. (All the nominees' roles gave the same "inspiring" message, we learn: "Believe in yourself." Man, that's fucking hella inspiring.) Josh Hartnett for Pearl Harbor. Heath Ledger for A Knight's Tale. Ben Affleck for Pearl Harbor. Sean Patrick Thomas for Save The Last Dance.
Stee: Is Erika Christensen pregnant? She looks like Kate Winslet. Pamie: She looks like Monica Lewinsky. She's always been puffy. Stee: She wasn't that puffy. Pamie: I don't know. Oh! I think we're done with Heath Ledger. Isn't that exciting? This just in! Denim is in! Ledger is out! Stee: Fyvush Finkel! Old! Pamie: Fyvush Finkel! Get him on the horn! You'll have fun for hours! Stee: Confuse Fyvush Finkel! Pamie: Take him to karaoke and you'll have fun for hours! Stee: Pretend you're The Fifties calling!Ben Affleck wins. He's there! They let him out of the drunk tank. He looks all fucked up and sad, his shirt crumpled. (He also accepts for the Choice Movie.) His speech is just basically saying he wasn't going to be there but, you know, the kid audience is important, so why not? People scream.
Stee: Who and what?
Bosie: I like her.
Pamie: Which her?
Bosie: The long and straight hair girl. From Mad TV.
Pamie: Who's the far left?
Bosie: Ugh. I don't know.
Stee: Is that Lou Gossett Jr. in the back?
Pamie: He's always at the Teen Choice awards.
Stee: They're doing "sketches" now. Oh, that's the girl from Get a Life.
Pamie: What's Get a Life? With Chris Elliot?
Stee: No, not Get a Life.
Pamie: Grounded for Life?
Yeah, it's the Jesus show, 7th Heaven. Some girl is talking and she thanks everyone and calls the person who created the show a "genius." They thank the fans and love everyone and "dream big, because dreams come true." Jessica Biel yells "hi" and finally people care for a second because she's a little whore and everyone loves her for that.
Stee: Jessica Biel's a whore. I'll say it again. Jessica Biel's a whore. And Pacey is massive. And denim is huge this year.
Pamie: Denim is huge.
Stee: Fyvush Finkel is a whore.
Pamie: Fyvush Finkel is in denim.
Lil' Bow Wow and Eden's Crush intro Usher. Lil' Bow Wow says, "Give it up for Us-ah." Usher sings. There are flames and a car on stage and a little building with a balcony. He dances a lot. There are girls dancing around behind him. The song is something about a girl reminding him of a girl he once knew. Okay. We tease the next segment, including Cedric The Entertainer talking to two girls we don't know. Commercials.
Stee: You know Lil' Bow Wow fucked them all.
Stee: Is that Sisqo?
Pamie: No, it's Us-ah.
Stee: He can dance.
Pamie: There's a fire on stage. Someone might want to look into that.
Stee: Sisqo is pissed because Sisqo has face cancer and Usher's album is doing better than his.
Pamie: Name three hits by Usher.
Bosie: "Thong Song."
Stee: That's Sisqo.
Pamie: That's Sisqo.
Bosie: Okay. Um, "My Way."
Pamie: That's Frank Sinatra.
Stee: No, that's Limp Bizkit.
Bosie: I used to have the CD. There's "My Way." I don't fucking know. There's more than just one song on the damn thing. Look it up. I know it's "My Way" and...shit, I don't remember.