Pamie: Eve? This song's good for teens. Stee: Why? What's it about? Pamie: I think it's about having sex. Stee: What makes you think that? When does she say that? When does she say, "Let's have sex"? Pamie: Well, it has dirty words in it, anyway. And, "Let me blow your mind." Stee: You lie a lot, don't you? Pamie: What are you talking about? Stee: You make these grand generalizations about things and you state them as fact and then I believe you and then I look like an ass. Pamie: That is not entirely my fault. Stee: Your girl Gwen turned into a skank. Pamie: Gwen Stefani wears denim. Stee: She also likes Bush. I thought this song was about leaving someone. Pamie: No, I think it's about finally getting your turn with someone? Stee: Really. Pamie: But it sounds like, "I know I have a reputation of being a skank, but don't listen to that bullshit." Stee: Ihm. How much of that did you just make up and state as fact? Pamie: Most of it. Stee: Thought so.Eve and Gwen both win awards, and Eve thanks Gwen and Dr. Dre and the voters. Gwen thanks Eve for being "so cute and for being [her] friend, yeah."
Pamie: Oh, I really do. I have a headache from all of this screaming. Stee: So does Lisa Left Eye.Mila Kunis and Kerry Washington come out. Washington won for Breakout Performance in Save The Last Dance, we learn. They intro Choice Movie of the Summer. crazy/beautiful, Legally Blonde, America's Sweethearts, Shrek. Legally Blonde wins and Reese Witherspoon goes up. The Dream girls look pissed, for some reason. Reese pretends to be very surprised. She thanks us for voting, says she was excited when she read the script about a girl who never fit in because she didn't in high school, and leaves. Commercials.
Stee: That was a hot, hot kiss. This just in! Justin and Britney: In love! Definitely!
Pamie: Right down to their acid-washed hearts!
Stee: Oh, he didn't even give Britney the flowers.
Pamie: They have to go through her manager first.
Stee: Sisqo just gave her the candy.
Pamie: Tyrese just gave her one rose. He's a dog.
Stee: He dissed her! That's terrible. He only gave her one flower.
Pamie: She's taken.
Stee: I have to wait for the end of October for Ally McBeal? How will I do it?
Pamie: We all get through it somehow. Every year.
Jared Padalecki intros the two Seventeen magazine winners who get to present the surfboards. Apparently, Padalecki was the first winner of that honor, before he become the versatile actor he is today. Then he intros Freddie Prinze Jr. Sarah Michelle Gellar claps. Jr. incoherently mumbles something about it being hot and now it's hotter because it's time for Choice Female Hottie. Beyoncé Knowles. Jennifer Lopez. Jessica Alba. Britney Spears.
Pamie: Woo! WOO! CuteDean! Woo!
Stee: Wow. That just never gets old for you?
Pamie: CuteDean! Woo!
Stee: The kid from...the kid from...
Bosie: The one talking?
Stee: Yeah, he's from...Gilmore Girls.
Bosie: Oh. I don't know what that is.
Stee: He's a Scientologist. Check it. Your guy had to introduce a real star.
Pamie: Why don't you shut up?
Stee: He didn't even get to introduce anything real.
Pamie: Shut up. He's a real boy!
Stee: Damn. His love is real, but he is not.
Pamie: Freddie Prinze Jr. looks like your annoying friend who's always talking about his new screenplay.
Stee: He's in movies.
Pamie: No, I mean, he looks like that guy you knew in college who was always going on about some boring movie he's making.
Bosie: Ew. Beyoncé looks fat in that "Bootylicious" video.
Pamie: Beyoncé couldn't look fat in a fat suit.
Stee: Ah. Comedy.
Pamie: Man, the Teen Choice Awards are giving me a monstrous headache.