Bosie: Michelle Rodriguez isn't there, so the winner has to be Sandra Bullock? Stee: You're catching on. Pamie: This just in! Bosie's a part of Hollywood! Stee: Ha. Pamie: I love that Sandra Bullock just smacked Ben Affleck in the face, all, "Shut up, Drunky!" Stee: This just in! Ben Affleck: drunk! Pamie: I'm so bored. Stee: The kids aren't getting your comedy, Sandra. Just fall. Pamie: Dumb it down a little. Stee: Do like Chris Kattan. Dance around like a monkey. Kids love when you dance around like a monkey. Bosie: Ha! He's funny. Stee: Like that.Jo Jo from KISS-FM in L.A. comes out and he's a total DJ douchebag and he will do the reading of the rules with help from "The 2001 Choice Artists to Watch Out For," as he calls it. A bunch of girls and one boy singer we don't know come out, including Beyoncé's little sister, Solange. Poor kids. They try to read their cue cards, but barely can. Jo Jo makes us give it up for them. Everyone refuses. Jo Jo is shorter than everyone on stage.
Stee: He's who-who what from what? Pamie: Right. Stee: Nivea? Bosie: Who? Pamie: I don't know, but I love her lotion. Stee: Is that Mena Suvari? Pamie: Mila Kunis? Stee: John Leguizamo? Bosie: That Jo Jo needs to get a life. Stee: Fucking marketing bullshit. I'm not buying into it. Pamie: You two are putting each other into a negativity spiral. Start a band called "Fuck You, We're Bitter." Bosie: That'd be like me trying to start a website or be a writer or do these recaps and be all, "I'm Pamie's sister." Stee: Right. Pamie: But you are in this recap as my sister. Bosie: Fuck you, I didn't want to be. Oh, like how this is going to get my start. That's it! I'm in! Fuck you guys, I'm going all the way!
Stee: White trizzash and wannabe white trizzash.
Pamie: She's got...sum 47...sum 41...inside her...aw, fuck it.
Stee: I see where you were going.
Bosie: I can't believe Limp Bizkit isn't going to win anything.
Pamie: This just in! Limp Bizkit out with the teens!
Bosie: Yeah, because their parents told them why it sucks because every other word is "fuck."
Stee: Those teens are getting a favor.
Bosie: Oh, my God. If they play this stupid fucking song by Creed one more fucking time I'm going to kill someone. I don't fucking care about his kid.
Stee: They're so goddamn Christian.
Pamie: You two aren't good for each other.
Stee: Well, I'm officially going to Hell now. I just said "goddamn Christian."
Pamie: You sure did. May God have mercy on your soul. I had that jacket Pamela Anderson's wearing in junior high. I saved so much money to buy it. I don't understand this look everyone's doing. It's white trash junior high Jackson, Mississippi prep pre-teen fashion. What sense does that make?
Stee: Did you just call yourself white trash?
Blink 182 wins. Sandra Bullock disses them to some random girl sitting next to her. Blink thanks people and urges us to support punk music.
Pamie: That seat filler looked really familiar.
Bosie: Those poseurs aren't punk rock.
Stee: This just in! Blink is fake!
Bosie: They've gone against everything they should stand for as a punk group.
Stee: Yeah, they make Green Day look hard-core.
Michelle Trachtenberg from Buffy comes out to present the Extraordinary Achievement Award. It's Sarah Michelle Gellar; we see her holding hands with Jr., and then we get a montage of her on Buffy and how she changed the perception of girls on TV as being helpless. We are told that the demons she slays can be seen as being symbolic of the difficulties teens go through every day. Totally. She also works with Habitat For Humanity and she has a movie career, too! SMG goes up and tells us to believe in ourselves. She thanks Jr. and we cut to him, crying, most likely because his new baseball movie made fourteen dollars at the box office. Commercials.
Bosie: Oh, God. More of this girl's nose.
Stee: Kristy Swanson is so angry somewhere. Angry every day of her life.