Mondo Extra
The Teen Choice Awards 2001

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
We're Now Anti-Choice
Stee: Shut up. Pamie: "Oh, my God! Shaggy totally loves me!" Stee: That is a different guy singing. Pamie: Yep. Stee: And this is it, right? We're done with Shaggy now, right? Pamie: You can hear all of this clapping and screaming, but when the camera pans over the audience nobody's moving. Stee: That was Choice Love Song. Sensitive Lyrics. Now Shaggy gets an award and says, "I'd just like to say, special tanks..." and then he stops himself, realizing he can drop the faux-Jamaican shit, and says, "special thanks." It's fucking funny. Then he tells us what a "beautiful" love song he just sang, and ends by telling all the twelve-year-olds in the audience, "Just make love. Just make a lot of love." Brilliant. Adam Sandler claps. Commercials.
Stee: Ha! Bosie: Hee! Stee: "Special tanks"! Douche. Bosie: Is Adam Sandler going to win an award? Stee: No. Bosie: Why is he there, then? Stee: His last movie tanked. Oh, no! No! Pamie: I'm sorry, I thought it would be over. Stee: This isn't over yet! Pamie: I really thought Shaggy would be closing this out. Stee: Fuck. This is never going to end. My head hurts. Pamie: Mine too.
Now comes Mya and City High. Mya asks us whether we're ready to go home. Yes. God, yes. Some girl tries to say "Millennium," but can't. Hee. They give out Choice Pop Group. Backstreet Boys. Destiny's Child. *NSYNC. O-Town.
Pamie: Oh, my head! Stee: I can't stop yawning. Pamie: We haven't seen Destiny's Child take anything yet. O-Town's not there. They're No-Town.
It's Destiny's Child. They actually act surprised. Like, for real. Hee. *NSYNC stands up for them. They go up in their crocheted and denimed terribleness. The girls say they were actually surprised, and they baby-talk to each other, "You're the supermodel." Oh, Lord. They thank God and then say, "How many Survivors we got up here in the house?" and then ask us to sing "Survivor" with them. They sing, "I'm a..." and then we sing -- for two verses of the chorus this goes on. People don't know the lyrics. Hee. They walk off in shame.
Pamie: Why are the Backstreet Boys there? They didn't win anything. Bosie: Oh, God. These girls are so fucking stupid.

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Mondo Extra


Mondo Extra
The Teen Choice Awards 2001

Episode Report Card
Grade It Now!
We're Now Anti-Choice

Jo Jo from KISS-FM in L.A. comes out and he's a total DJ douchebag and he will do the reading of the rules with help from "The 2001 Choice Artists to Watch Out For," as he calls it. A bunch of girls and one boy singer we don't know come out, including Beyoncé's little sister, Solange. Poor kids. They try to read their cue cards, but barely can. Jo Jo makes us give it up for them. Everyone refuses. Jo Jo is shorter than everyone on stage.

Stee: He's who-who what from what?
Pamie: Right.
Stee: Nivea?
Bosie: Who?
Pamie: I don't know, but I love her lotion.
Stee: Is that Mena Suvari?
Pamie: Mila Kunis?
Stee: John Leguizamo?
Bosie: That Jo Jo needs to get a life.
Stee: Fucking marketing bullshit. I'm not buying into it.
Pamie: You two are putting each other into a negativity spiral. Start a band called "Fuck You, We're Bitter."
Bosie: That'd be like me trying to start a website or be a writer or do these recaps and be all, "I'm Pamie's sister."
Stee: Right.
Pamie: But you are in this recap as my sister.
Bosie: Fuck you, I didn't want to be. Oh, like how this is going to get my start. That's it! I'm in! Fuck you guys, I'm going all the way!
Pamie: Shut up.

Now Mandy Moore and Mandy Lauderdale, both of whose hair is crazy, babble and then intro Shaggy, Choice R&B Blah singing "Angel," Choice Love Song. If we never hear this song again, it'll be too whatever. Little kids sing about standing by their man during his incarceration. Shaggy goes through the audience scaring girls while the new guy sings the bulk of the song. Shaggy wails like a dying dolphins. He asks us how we're feeling, and then brings out girls he "pre-selected from the audience"; about ten girls come out dressed in angel outfits, and they have to sway back and forth, looking miserable, while they sing the end of the terrible song. Slo-mo is employed. They try to make everyone sing, all mad when people don't. Shaggy moans in some alien key as we end. "God bless you," he says -- for not kicking him out of the music world again yet.

Pamie: Shaggy! This means it's almost over. Right? Right?
Stee: We are going to have to fast-forward through this part.
Bosie: I used to like this song when it first came out.

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Mondo Extra




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