Bosie: Man, that girl's got a big smile. Pamie: Nobody applauded you, Meghan Green. Stee: "Hee. Whee. Heh-heh! Hoo! No? Okay." Bosie: Heartbreakers? I've never heard of it. Stee: Yeah, you and America. Pamie: Bosie's singing to Shania Twain over there. Bosie: Shut up. There are some things that I like. Pamie: This just in!The winner is Julia Stiles. J.Lo mean mugs her. Stiles also wins for Choice Fight Scene. Her nipples are hard as she accepts her surfboard. Her pinchy little face tells us that she "literally" called her mom to quit the film because she couldn't dance, but didn't. She says she's not bootylicious and leaves. They tease shit, including The Rock and Beyoncé with Justin Timberwhatever. Commercials.
Stee: She won "Fight Scene"? In what? "Choice Nipples." Pamie: So much screaming. I hate the word "literally." Stee: She "literally" called her mom. Pamie: I hate that word. Bosie: Why? Pamie: I hate "literally" and "you know what?" I hate both of them. Stee: My mom's mad because I keep figuratively calling her. Pamie:: "You know what? I was so thirsty yesterday I literally drank water." That's it. That's my most hated sentence ever. Stee: I can literally see her nipples. Pamie: When is Justin's voice going to change? Stee: Yeah, I know. He sounds like Beyoncé. Pamie: I'm exhausted. Bosie: I just say "literally" when I want someone to know that I'm not being sarcastic.Britney Spears comes out by herself, wearing a weird white cotton/denim combo thing with her titties hanging out, of course. What would she be without them? One girl in the audience stands. Britney reads about rock and roll and the award is for Choice Rock Track. "Jaded" by Aerosmith. "Hanging By A Moment" by Lifehouse. "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker. "My Way" by Limp Bizkit.
Pamie: My mom would call him a "Ragamuffin."
Stee: Shaggy would call himself a "Ragamuffin."
Bosie: "You're in the back seat. With the Backstreet."
Stee: Did he just say "niggaz"? The entire rap community should get up there and just kill him for this.
Pamie: Oh, no. This is horrible. What's that white thing over his boot?
Stee: Someone really needs to stop both of them.
[Incredibly long silence as the Carter boys keep singing]
Pamie: I wish that instead of writing anything in this little space we could just put pictures up of our faces. You two look hilarious. It says it all. There wasn't anything we could say because this is so bad.
Bosie: My brain is in override with all the possible comments.
Stee: I just shut down. Why are they dancing on that turntable like they're all Jamero-why? And they're dressed like the Trash Heap.
Pamie: Like Godspell.
Stee: Yeah, they're in a white hip-hop version of Godspell.
Pamie: Wait. Isn't Godspell a white hip-hop version of Godspell?
Stee: "This is how we roll"?
Pamie: Oh, no.
Stee: I'm about to bitch-slap your TV.
The presenters call back "A.C.," and he wins Choice Male Artist. Whoa. Whoa! He talks like he's black, which is hysterical coming from the tiny white boy, and says he's going to ride the surfboard. He thanks God and his mom, who looks like Robert Blake, and leaves.
Pamie: Who are those people?
Stee: Did he call us "baby"? Who are you?
Pamie: Choice Male Artist?
Bosie: I hope he rides out on that surfboard and never comes back.
Stee: Don't raise your arms until you got pubes under there, kid.
Pamie: Are they all from Boston? Do you have to be from Boston to be in a boy band?
Stee: He needs to shut the fuck up right now.
Pamie: You are so upset over a boy band member. Oh, no. See? They're saying "Nick." Not "niggaz."
Stee: He's at the Universal Amphitheater. He said he's going two miles down to surf.
Pamie: So, he's going to surf the 101?
Anne Hathaway -- the chick from Get Real and that Princess movie -- and Sean Patrick Thomas come out and don't do schtick, thank God. They make a fart joke, though, as they intro Choice Movie Actress. Anne Hathaway tries to get props for female roles in movies, but nobody claps or cheers but her. Hee. Kirsten Dunst in Bring It On. Julia Stiles in Save The Last Dance. Jennifer Love Hewitt in Heartbreakers. JLH falls in mud. Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality.