Stee: Well, you're paying them taxes.
Pamie: Not yet. Ain't got no job, Rob.
Trump intros Salma Hayek. Someone stole one of her dress straps. Three people stand for her. She says something about a rising star and her voice and a love for music and it's Alicia Keys. She's behind a screen with her piano and hat and she starts singing "Falling" but then we see it's not really her, she's out on a platform and the music stops and she says, "It's time for a change, y'all." She's dressed like Sade now, and sings a song about someone buying her diamonds and stuff. Her voice sounds fine. Commercials.
Stee: Was that Scott William Scott Thomas Scott William Glenn?
Pamie: I don't know. I've written all three-named boys out of my life.
Stee: Scott...Dude! Where's my Car? Who's this bitch?
Pamie: I don't know. We talked through it. Salma Hayek? You're making me look up names again.
Stee: I love it that she spent ten years getting the Frida Kahlo story and nobody's going to see it.
Pamie: She is upset with Penélope Cruz.
Stee: You know what Alicia Keys means?
Pamie: Bald. Bald girl that we fast-forward.
Stee: Oh, she's trying to make you think she's playing "Falling" again, but she's changing it up, y'all.
Pamie: She shouldn't get this much stage time.
Stee: I just don't trust her.
Pamie: They never light her well enough for me to see what she looks like.
Stee: Like Alanis Morrisette's first video and how she was all hair and you couldn't see her face.
Pamie: Or Michael Jackson's new video.
Stee: Yeah, but that's for our own good.
Pamie: So it didn't get an R rating.
Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn come out. They talk about television and trend-setting looks and they're introducing "Best Dressed Television Show." It's Sex and the City. We get a video of clips. Sarah Jessica Parker trips and falls. Kim Cattrall is naked. Bad fashion. Now they intro Sarah Jessica Parker. She comes out with a new mid-length haircut. She says she thinks they're honoring New York by honoring their show. They talk about New York style and she thanks Patricia Field, their ancient, gnarled, scary designer. She goes on about "The Sex and the City Look." She accepts on behalf of Patricia and "Rebecca." Trump cuts her off, and she leaves.
Pamie: Is Angie Harmon dating Howard Stern? Stee: Nope. Pamie: Is that Angie Everhart? Stee: Nope. Neither. But yeah, it's Angie Everhart you're thinking of. He's dating one of the two volleyball girls from Flirting With Disaster. Pamie: Really? Stee: Yeah. Pamie: Who's he? Stee: Jason Snemnomenm. Pamie: How do you spell that? Stee: With a "Z." Pamie: This Sex and the City montage is all from one episode. Stee: They dress terribly on this show. Pamie: She cut her hair. Stee: No. Pamie: Or is it tucked in? Stee: Oh, yeah. Pamie: She cut it. That's why I don't cut my hair short. That's what it'd look like. Isn't that awful? Stee: Well... Pamie: What? Stee: Well. Dot. Dot. Dot. Pamie: Their style. Stee: Half pimp. Half whore. Half seven-year-old girl. Half skater. Pamie: All horrible. Stee: You can't spell "horrible" without "whore." Pamie: No, you really can't.Out comes Hilary Swank. She babbles about "getting into the role" of presenting the "Designer of the Year" award. It goes to Marc Jacobs. He comes out. (Ha.) He talks about New York, making a bad joke about Hillary Clinton and George Clinton being at the same party. He thanks editors and stylists and designers and leaves. (No, he doesn't thank leaves; we mean he leaves the stage.) Swank intros Sugar Ray. They sing "When It's Over." McGrath cannot sing live. Why didn't he lip synch? It sounds like bad karaoke.
Stee: Hilary Swank. Pamie: She's still a man. Stee: Is she pregnant? Pamie: Make her stop talking. Why does she always get to talk for so long? What is she wearing? Stee: What is she saying? What is she holding? Pamie: The envelope. Stee: Okay, it's Tom Ford for crap. Dolce and Gabbana for crap. Pamie: Stella McCartney for being born. Stee: Oh, and two other people for crap that we didn't hear. Marc Jacobs is the winner. Look how excited everybody is. Pamie: Yeah, everybody is so excited. They might almost stand up with excitement. They made a bigger stink about Sandra Bullock farting. Stee: I'm sick of people trying to be bigger New Yorkers than everyone else. Pamie: This just in: New York repeals fashion. That guy just dissed Hilary Swank right in front of her, making her sound like a lesser Hilary.