Outside, another hot young thing pulls up. This dude is software salesman and workout enthusiast Joel, who looks like the kind of guy I would run into in the weights section of my gym in Brooklyn. He claims that his life goal is to look good nekkid. Well, at least the dude has aspirations!
Next is Texan pageant queen Julia. She makes sure we all know that she cannot live without her semi-permanent eyelash extensions. To think we've all been laboring under the misapprehension that she could! For shame.
Then we have the "proud, sexy black man" and barista (all these people seem to be holding at least two jobs!) CJ. He is also the proud owner of a pair of really hideous jeans, but I digress.
Next is the dumb blonde chick! Nashville-based model Chelsea (because didn't you know? Tennessee is the fashion capital of the world!) intimates that girls are always jealous of her. By way of explanation, she smirks, "Look at me!" and then proceeds to make the ugliest face I've ever seen on anyone. I think that's what they call "irony." As the introductions are made back at the VIP area, Joel affects a drumroll, which Chelsea thanks him for suuuuuuper-bitchily. Despite being dumb as rocks, Joel picks up on the fake gratitude and calls her out. Oh snap! Early factions!
Professional receptionist Hadiyyah-Lah (for reals that is her name! I know!) arrives and says she thinks there's a pretty good chance she's the most beautiful person in the country. I'd like to know if she's been taking some sort of census. She says that everything about her is perfect and that she's thankful to be so beautiful. What a nice sentiment!
Next up is a less-beat-than-Chelsea blonde named Ashley who is from the Bronx (just like KRS-One!) and has a passion for fashion. She says she has a collection of dresses worth over $100,000. Me too, if we're talking about Monopoly money.
Then comes rather lispy "artist" Ray, who says that being cocky makes girls like him. He says the word cocky approximately 15 to 20 times. Cocky. Cocky cocky cocky.
So now that the gang's all here, we pan back over to the spy room, where Minnillo arches an eyebrow all sneaky-like and poses the question that we all knew was coming: "Are they as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside?" No. Can we go home now? Oh, right.
Minnillo explains the first trap. They're about to send a hired actor into the fray playing a hapless waiter to see how the Hot Squad treats him. Cue waiter, who comes to the VIP area to serve a round of water and promptly crashes into the glass table. Minnillo cackles, then looks concerned as we see what looks like a stream of blood running down Hadiyyah-Lah's leg. And commercial!