MONDO EXTRAS

True Beauty Premiere

by Lauren Gitlin January 6, 2009
Winter Pilot Season: True Beauty

Minnillo, flanked by her fellow judges, welcomes the two losers to the Hall of Beauty and tells them she'd like each of them to plea their case as to why they deserve to stay on. HL is up first and eloquently states that she doesn't think it's fair and doesn't believe what the doctor said. Tiegs ask what HL thinks "real beauty" is, and she replies that it's natural beauty, sans makeup. Oh snap! Passive-aggressive dig at Chelsea!

Chelsea fares slightly better, sticking to her party line that sometimes being unusual and standing out is more beautiful than having conventional measurements.

Tiegs compliments HL on her smile and her face, while Nolé informs Chelsea that while she's pretty, she could use a make-under. Chelsea's face just about cracks.

Minnillo assure the two that they're both beautiful but one of them has to go home. Then she informs Chelsea that she's safe and can go back to the house. Guess that means HL is going home! I didn't see that coming AT ALL! Then Minnillo really breaks it down, letting HL in on the secret that the judges have been evaluating everyone on their outer beauty AND their inner beauty, then shows HL the clips of her cursing and peeking through other peoples' files, which she tries to defend by saying it was only her file she was looking at. Uhh, dude. They have the footage right effing there! No use lying about it now, sistah! She proceeds to dig herself in even deeper, cutting Cheryl off and brushing off the mysterious footage they withheld before of her neglecting to help the dude with the coffee when he was struggling to get into the building.

Minnillo sticks her with another chestnut about true beauty coming from within, and it's all HL can do to keep from flipping all of them the bird. Backstage she cries and insists that she is a good person with a big heart. The closing sequence features a couple of janitor types removing HL's portrait from the hall of beauty. Cleverness!

This show aspires to be some amalgam of America's Next Top Model and Punk'd (or so its producers would have you think), but the production is shoddy, the pacing and structure is full of holes, and no one on the show is likable or crazy enough to hold this ADD bitch's interest. I'm hereby renaming this show True Sucky.

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